ShenmueIrony
by NastyAlien45
Summary: A parody that takes place BEFORE Shenmue. Originally written: December 2005
1. Episode 1: Iwao's Secret

Episode 1: S.I

"Shenhua's Cliff" 

::Shenhua stands on the cliffside under the beaming down sunset and resights her poem::

Shenhua: He shall appear from a far eastern land across the sea...  
Bird:(From tree uptop) Funny how you always say that everyday and everytime you stand on this cliff.  
Shenhua: It brings me wisdom and hope my little bird that one day the man from the east will appear.  
Bird: Uhhmmm... but excuse me, do you even know what this man looks like?   
Shenhua: No.  
Bird: Then why do you speak of him?  
Shenhua: I don't know. I guess I have no life and nothing better to do.  
Bird: Why don't you just fly to him?  
Shenhua:(Shocked) F-Fly?  
Bird: Yeah! Fly! It's not so hard. That robe thing you wear is big enough to spread out and give you some balance. All you have to do is jump and move your arms.  
Shenhua: YES! PERFECT! WHY HAVEN'T I DONE THAT BEFORE?!?!  
Bird:(Hitting himself on his forhead) Geeelawweeee! I wonder?!

::Shenhua backs up::

Shenhua: Here I go...

::She starts running::

Shenhua: Hear I come!!!!!!!!!

::She jumps and starts moving her arms:: 

Bird:(To himself) Hehehe... this bitch is gonna die. (Raises his voice) THAT'S IT! MOVE THEM ARMS!!!

::Shenhua keeps flying::

Bird:(Blinking his eyes uncontrollably) What the fuck? She's still in the air?  
Shenhua:(Smiling) I CAN FLY!!!! HERE I COME MY EASTERN BOY!!!!  
Bird: What the hell was I smoking? That bitch was suppose to fall and die.

::Bird picks up a walkie talkie::

Bird: Yes... we have a girl about a hundred and twenty pounds, 5'4, lookin' like a human and yelling 'Here I come Eastern Boy!' flying towards the east ready for take out. Ten four. 

::All of a sudden, several missles fly towards Shenhua, exploding into her and blasting her out of the sky::

Bird: Hahahaha... slut!

::Shenhua falls from the sky with a huge trail of black smoke following behind her::

"Hazuki Residence 1979" 

::Ryo sits on his roof and watches the birds fly in the sky::  
::He thinks drearily about things:: 

"Heaven" 

::Ryo walks into God's Chamber and sees all the angels gathered around a television raving and cheering while playing Shenmue 3::

Angel: Hahahah! This shit will never reach earth!  
Angel: AMEN TO THAT!

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo snaps out of the trance by a sudden call from Iwao::

Iwao: Ryo-san! Get down here immediately! 

::Ryo leans off the roof of his house, noticing how far up he was::

Ryo-san: Wait... how the hell did I get up here? 

"Inside of Residence" 

::Ryo runs inside and into Iwao's Room::  
::He was nowhere to be found:: 

Ryo-san: Dad?  
Iwao:(From the bathroom) In here SON! 

::Ryo flees to the bathroom and notices his father taking a massive shit, gripping onto the toilet, legs up in the air, and face turning beat red::

Ryo-san:(Wrinkling his noise from the horrid smell) Dad? Why did you call me?  
Iwao: Im trying to shit out these two mirro- I-I meant to say objects.  
Ryo-san: Ohhhh, from your trip to China?  
Iwao: Exactly! (Heavy breathes) And I just need for you to not be alarmed when I just yell out random things like...

::Iwao pushes::

Iwao: FUCKING DICKFACE COCKSUCKER MOTHER FUCKING DONKEY TWINKIE PUSHING ICING BITCH!!!!  
Ryo-san: Ummm... sure dad. I got it.  
Iwao: Thanks son. Now go outside, your Dojo Friends should be arriving any minute. 

::Ryo waits outside::

Iwao: FUCK!

::Ryo waits::

Iwao: OH GOD I RIPPED MY SHIT!

::Ryo taps his feet::

Iwao: OH LARRY KING FUCKING THE PORES ON THE MOON!!! 

::Thirty minutes later, Iwao walks outside::  
::A group of Ryo's friends were standing around him just staring at him::  
::Iwao wipes the sweat from his face and smiles::

Iwao: Damn. Kids, do me a favor. Never shove something over five inches up your ass. The exit will NOT be pleasant.

"One Day Earlier" 

::The cops arrive at Ryo's House::  
::Iwao answers the door::

Iwao: Hello officers. What can I do for you?

::The officers flash him with a Search Warrant::

Officers: We believe there are two artifacts hidden in this house that were illegally smuggled into this country. I believe they are called The Pheonix and Dragon Mirror?  
Iwao: Hahahaha.. nonsense! I would never think of such a thing.

::The cops burst into the house, past Iwao and into the kitchen, tearing down everything out of the cabinets::  
::Iwao runs into his room and pulls out a white bag labeled "Tic Tacs. They Don't Work Motherfuckers!" and pulls out the two mirrors::  
::Suddenly Iwao hears the two cops heading towards his room::

Iwao:(Silently) S-Shit. What am I gonna do?

"One Minute Later" 

::The cops barge into Iwao's Room::  
::Iwao is sitting uncomfortably on his bed, moving back and forth with his face beat red::

Iwao: Howdy guys! Find anything?

::The cops look at Iwao supiciously::  
::Suddenly Iwao cuts a fart::

Iwao: Owch... that one hurt.

::Suddenly he cuts another one::  
::The cops toss their shirts over their noses::

Iwao: Good lord. Must of been what I ate for lunch. Geez!  
Officers: Sir! Where are they?!

::Quickly, Iwao stands to his feet then his stomach starts growling ravenously::  
::The cops stand back, staring scarcely at his belly::

Iwao:(His face bubbling) OHHH SHHHIIITTT!!!!

::He pulls down his pants and starts shitting out green gas::

Iwao:(Eyes rolling in the back of his head) Ohhhhhh fuck! That feels good!

::He turns towards the cops and suddenly green pellets start flying out of his ass, hitting the cops in the head and scaring them out of the room::

Officers: He's got green bullets for his shit!

::The cops run out of the house::

Iwao: ... AND DON'T COME BACK!!!!

::Suddenly Iwao hears and feels something coming up his chest towards his mouth::

Iwao: OHHHH FUCK!!! 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
Stick around for Episode 2! ShenmueIrony 2.


	2. Episode 2: Yu Suzuki's Creation!

Episode 2: S.I.

"Hong Kong. 1975" 

Yu Suzuki: I know you want me. I just know it. You may not want to tell me now but deep down inside, I know you do. I'm rich and made of money. Yes, I have the most FASCINATING job a man could have. Yes, that's because im Yu Suzuki and what I do for a living may shock you. I-

::A passenger got into the cab with sunglasses and a well fashioned tuxedo::

Man: Take me to Ferentois St. The Barbor Shop.

::Yu Suzuki stops talking to himself in the mirror of his cab and switches it into drive::  
::He puts his round circular hat on with hanging beeds from it and smiles::

Yu Suzuki: Lovely day isn't it?  
Man: Just get me there as quick as possible.

::Yu arrives at the Barbor Shop::

Man: Park on the other side of the street please.

::Yu parks across the street::  
::He takes out a painting from his glovebox with wildlife painted all over it and shows the man::

Yu Suzuki: This is my painting of the forest. Please, take a look. Do you think I got the color right on the tree bark?

::The man gets out without any words, or even paying, and runs across the street::   
::Minutes later, he hops back in the car::

Man: Drive! 

::Yu is sitting there painting wonderful butterflies and having elegant music in the radio::

Man:(Breathing hastily) DRIVE!

::Yu moves his head back and forth and smiles::

Yu Suzuki:(Drearily and happily) Lalalalala... nature is wonderful. 

::The man pulls a gun to Yu's head::

Man: DRIVE OR I'LL POP ONE IN YOUR BIG HEAD MOTHERFUCKER!!!

::Yu slams on the gas::  
::Suddenly he spots the Barbor Shop explode from behind::

Yu Suzuki: HOLY SHIT!  
Man: Now! Take me to the Hong Kong Express Airport! IMMEDIATELY!!!

"Nature Drive" 

::Yu pulls in and drives down the solemn path of trees and wildlife::

Yu Suzuki:(Humming) Listen to what their trying to say... do you hear it? The leaves and trees are trying to say something to us. Maybe we should listen.

::Man falls asleep in the backseat::

"Hong Kong Express Airport" 

::Yu gets out of the car and opens the backseat::

Yu Suzuki: We're here blacky boo.

::The man snoars::

Yu Suzuki: Oh come on now. Did nature do such relaxation to you?

::Yu takes off his shirt, revieling a big tatoo of a tree with all kinds of luxorious bath oil and herbs socked into his skin::  
::He leans over the man and the smell wakes him up hesitantly::

Man:(Sleepily) WHAT THE HELL?!?!?  
Yu Suzuki: We're here my little friend.  
Man: Ummm... GREAT! Now... 

::The man pulls Yu by his beltbuckle::

Man: Your coming with me!

::The man pulls Yu into a darkened warehouse::  
::He turns on the light and revieles a little, red plane. Just enough to fit about three people::

Yu Suzuki: Im very glad I helped you from the wrath of that flame that rocked the Barbor Shop. Im so glad your NOT hurt.  
Man: Yeah whatever! Hurry up and get in the plane BITCH!  
Yu Suzuki: No need for such rude language my friend. Ya know what would be so much better right now, sitting up on a treetop and-

::The man suddenly hits Yu upside his head with his gun::  
::All goes black...::

"The Plane" 

::Yu awakes dizzily to find himself tied up in the back of the little plane::  
::He looks foward and sees the man flying the plane::

Yu Suzuki: Excuse me sir. May I use the restroom please?

::The man didn't answer::

Yu Suzuki: Excuse me sir! May I-use-the-RESTROOM!  
Man: Shut up! The only thing your going to be using in a few minutes is fish bait for the fish at the bottom of this sea that we're about to fly over.  
Yu Suzuki: The sea won't eat me! It'll be my friend...  
Man: No it won't. What's in it will eat you. Now shut up! I have to get rid of your ass so their will be no witnesses of the explosion!  
Yu Suzuki: Bet you I'm like vomit to it. It'll just push me right out. Besides, what your speaking is ludacris. I won't even be able to fall out of this place anyways. The wind will forbid me and push me right back up.  
Man: YOU WANNA BET!!!

::The man puts the plane in autopilot and moves to the back, picking Yu up to his feet:: 

Man:(Angrily) Let's just see then shall we?!

::The man opens a door on the side of the plane and leans Yu over the outside::  
::Suddenly he pushes Yu out::  
::Yu falls...::  
::... and for some reason, hes hovering under the bottom of the plane of which only the man can see him and nothing else::

Man:(Dumbfounded and scratching his head) What the fuck? Did I miss something?  
Yu Suzuki: That's right baby! 

::Yu kisses the air::

Yu Suzuki: You caught me. (Raises voice) I TOLD YOU!!!! EARTH LOVES ME!!!!  
Man:(To himself) Hmmm... this could be fun... (Smiles)(Raises voice) Ok... then I'm guessing wind will catch me then!!!  
Yu Suzuki: TRY IT MAN!!! 

::The man backs up::

Man: Oh, and by the way, I exploded the Barbor Shop if you weren't too stupid to figure it out!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

::The man jumps and spreads his arms out::  
::"I believe I can fly" plays::

Man: YAAAAHOOOO!!!!!!! I CAN FLY!!!!  
Yu Suzuki: That's the spirit!!!! 

::The man suddenly falls::

Man:(Whaling his arms) Wha... WHA... WHAT?!?!?!?!

::He falls and realizes that a top portion of the rope that was wrapped around Yu was caught on the bottom of the plane::

Man:(While falling) MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!  
Yu Suzuki:(Chuckling softly) Guess the earth didn't like him.

::Suddenly Yu's rope comes loose::

Yu Suzuki:(Closing his eyes) That's right. Take me away.

"The Surface" 

::Yu awakes slowly but surely::  
::He realizes that he's surrounded by leaves of various colors::  
::The moves a little and ends up slipping, tumbling all the way to the ground::  
::There was a house down a pathway that he could see from the ground::

Yu Suzuki: The wind brought me here. That must mean you must be my lover. I would always of imagined the wind to take me to the one I should wed with. You must be it. I would of never expected it to be so gorgeous and beautiful like you though. 

::Yu gets up and runs his hands solemly and slowly down the bark of the tree::

Yu Suzuki: It's ok sugar muffin. Papa's here now.

::Yu looks at his arms and legs to see how scarred and bruised up he is::

Yu Suzuki:(Smiling deviously) Started without me eh? Hehehehe... I don't have to be asleep for you to have your fun on me now!

::Yu finds a small inner hole about two inches wide length and width::

Yu Suzuki: That should do it! 

::Yu slips his dick in::

Yu Suzuki:(Giggling)Damn! The hole is too big! Your a loose piece of bark aren't you you silly tree you!

::Yu twirled his hands around his nipples::  
::He began fucking the tree::

Yu Suzuki: Come on! Don't just stand there. Fuck me!

::The leaves began to all fall around Yu:: 

Yu Suzuki: That's right! I LOVE YOU TOO!!! I know what I'll call you, I'll call you Shenmue! Your going to make legend one day baby! LEGEND!!

::The birds began to flutter off the tree:: 

"The House Just Down The Pathway From The Shenmue Tree" 

Shenhua: What's the man doing daddy?  
Man: I don't know hunny. But im about to go Sumo Chop his horny, tree hugging ass!

"The Shenmue Tree" 

::While Yu was fully enjoying himself to his full amount, fucking the Shenmue tree and having his hardened dick pierce it's bark like a sack of shit, Shenhua's Father comes up behind him and Karate Chops him in the back of his head::  
::Yu falls down and slowly passes out:: 

Man: Hunny! Call the police!

::Shenhua runs out into the middle of the yard::

Shenhua:(To her full lung capacity) POOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLIIIIIICCCCEEEE!!!!

::The Shenmue Tree shook::

Man: Damn! Useless!!! In the name of hell and high heaven why in fucks name do we have to live out in the wilderness. Ah fuck it, throw this bitch off a cliff or something...


	3. Episode 3: Nozomi goes WILD!

Episode: S.I.

"Nozomi's House" 

::Nozomi stumbles in, past her grandma passed out on the floor, over a couple huge bikers laid out ontop of her, and under a disco ball hanging from the ceiling, not realizing any of it::  
::She stumbles into her bedroom and passes out::

"The Next Morning" 

::Nozomi wakes up::

Nozomi:(Her hair sticking up) Damn, what a party that was. I got wasted like hell.

::She walks into her bathroom and sees hickies all up and down her kneck and on her face::

Nozomi: Holy hell. Looks like I was last nights lunch those motha fuckas. (Giggles) Hehehe... im such a slut.

::Nozomi strips butt naked::  
::She opens a drawer and pulls out a Pregnancy Test::

Nozomi: I'm PRETTY sure every guy at that party be usin' a condom. At least I hope so. 

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo lays out on his bed after being plastered at a party::

Ryo-san: I can't believe all of those guys just passed Nozomi around like an entre'.

::He stands up and falls back down on his bed:: 

Ryo-san: Im so drunk...

::Ryo passes out:: 

"Meanwhile at Nozomi's House" 

Nozomi:(Eyes widen from the results of the test) GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hazuki Residence"   
"Late at night" 

::Ryo wakes and his head hurts a little but nothing to big::  
::He walks into the kitchen to get something to drink::

Ryo-san: Ahhhh... nothing but a nice cold cola after passing the fuck out.

::Ryo leans against the wall next to the refrigerator to take a sip when suddenly the wall swings around::  
::He falls down a flight of spiraling, stone stairs on the other side::  
::He lands on his face:: 

Ryo-san:(Holding his arm in agony) What the hell just happened?

::Ryo stands up and sees a room filled with neon spiraling around the top of the room. There were cages, desks scattered to the sides of the room, animal heads on the wall, and pictures of Iwao shooting a gun with the Shogun of Japan and fighting with Jackie Chan::

Ryo-san: What is this place?

::Ryo walks around the room, noticing a pile of books on Canibalism and Brain Surgery::  
::He finds a closet and opens it, revieling several orderly fashioned Tuxedo's hanging up::

Iwao:(From the steps) Ryo-san...  
Ryo-san:(Startled) Oh, u-ummm... h-hey father!  
Iwao: See anything you like?  
Ryo-san: O-Oh, nothing at all. I just ummm... f-fell down here and I ummm...  
Iwao: Calm down. It's alright.  
Ryo-san: Soooo what is this place?  
Iwao: What do you think it is son?  
Ryo-san: Hmmmm... a reimpersenation of the 60's? I don't know.

::Iwao laughs::

Iwao: I am in a Witness Protection Program. My job is to protect and hide any people hunted by a killer in which spotted them witnessing a murder to their killings.  
Ryo-san: Interesting.  
Iwao: Very.

::Ryo shuts the closet and spots a red button::

Ryo-san: What does this do?

::Ryo pushes it and a stoned, camoflouged door opens revieling Jackie Chain hanging by a bunch of leather straps and chains with an apple in his mouth::

Jackie: Helsfp me!!!!!!!!! MmmmmMMMM!!!!  
Ryo-san:(Stepping back) OH MY GOD!   
Iwao:(Laughing) Do not worry son. He's the witness.  
Jackie: Tkdt lygng sun of a betich!!!  
Ryo-san: What's he saying father?   
Iwao: U-Uh nothing! NOTHING AT ALL SON!

::Iwao shuts the door::

Iwao: How about we go upstairs son and have a father, son convorsation about this all, ok? Meet me upstairs.

::Ryo runs upstairs::  
::Iwao shuts the secret door behind him::  
::He opens the door to Jackie hanging helplessly like a dog::

Iwao: You almost blew my cover you Chinese "I do all my stunts which we know is a crock of bullshit!" Jackie Chan.  
Jackie: Fucugk YsdgU!!!  
Iwao:(Laughing evily) HAHAHAHAH!!! Let's just see you do your own stunt out of this one.

::Iwao pulls a lever back, sending Jackie Chan backwards::  
::A huge, massive oven opens up behind him with fire raging inside::

Iwao:(Joker laugh) MUAHAHHAAHH!!!!!!  
Jackie: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

"Later that day. Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo walks outside to fetch the mail::

Ryo-san: What's this? (Reading from the letter) You have been invited to attend the Maury Show, April 27th, 1979, at 5:00 PM sharp. The topic is: "It's not my fault I got drunk and banged by ten different guys. So who's the father?". 

"The Maury Show" 

::Maury stands up at the top of the audience with his microphone and his cards in his hand, overlooking Nozomi sitting in between ten different guys. One of which were Ryo::

Maury: Ok everyone. Well all know the topic. Now let's get down to business here.

::A random man stands up on the stage::

Man: I AINT THE FUCKIN' FATHER! Sure I fucked her a couple of times but no cemen went in the bitch!!! 

::Nozomi stands up with her slutty holey hoes on with a skirt halfway up her thighs::

Nozomi: Motha fucka! We on television!!!! Get yo shit straight son!

::Another man, black, sitting in the audience leaning far in his chair raised his hand up::

Man:(Chuckling) She got the talk from me by the way.

::Ryo sat all by himself, not saying a word. He was at that same party::

Maury: So this all happened at the same party. Am I correct?  
Nozomi: Yeah, and one of these mother fuckas if the father of the beautiful baby in my belly.

::All of the men kinda slowched down, hiding their faces::

Nozomi: Motha fuckas I know it was one of yal! Don't play me! I will kill goddamnit!!!!  
Maury: Ok, let's not make her mad folks. This is spose' to be a peaceful show.  
Nozomi: Thank you Maury! Now yal betta listen to me or I will go buck wild up in here! I aint playin'! 

::Maury gets the envelope::

Maury: Ok, we will now reviel the father of one of these gentlemen.  
Nozomi: I know which one it be!

::Ryo sat nervously::

Ryo-san:(Quietly) Ohhh goddamnit...

::Maury turns the card around::  
::It read "ME!"::  
::Everyone was quiet::

Maury:(Smiling) Even at my old age I can still pound as fast as lightning can strike the ground!!!

::Maury gets up and starts dancing:: 

Ryo-san:(Eyes widened) What the fuck?  
Nozomi: But you weren't at the party!  
Maury: Yeah, but I guess you mother fuckers are too stupid enough to realize the Pregnancy Tests don't detect pregnancy until three months after the cemen enters.  
Nozomi: Oh shit... it was another party!


	4. Episode 4: Iwao's Meeting

Episode 4: S.I.

"Dobuita Park" 

Sook-san: Just talk to her man.  
Ryo-san: I can't.  
Sook-san: Why the hell not! She's just a chik!  
Ryo-san: I know. But, I just don't think I have the balls to do it.  
Sook-san: God didn't give you balls just to walk and have them slap against the side of your leg now. He gave them to you to use. SO GO OVER THERE AND TALK TO HER!

::Ryo sits on a slide and stares over at Nozomi::

Ryo-san: Take notice I'm only twelve years old now.   
Sook-san: The more the merrier man. Do it now and you'll be pro pimp by the time your eighteen.

::Ryo stands up::  
::He takes a deep breath::

Ryo-san: I've been to her parties many times. Not really talked to her but I can do it!

::Ryo starts walking towards Nozomi::

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Iwao opens his eyes::  
::He stands up from the bed and yawns::

Iwao: Ryo-san?

::There was a pause of silence as Iwao looked around curiously and cautiously::  
::No one answered::

Iwao: RYO-SAN?!?!?!

::It was silent:: 

Iwao: We're clear.

::Iwao walks to the kitchen hastily and taps on the wall next to the refrigerator::  
::The wall moves to the side::  
::He walks down into his secret room::   
::He moves the picture of him and the shogun to the side and pushes the green button behind it::  
::The floor parts a little ways to his side::  
::Iwao walks down a flight of stairs to the bottom and into a hallway with Camera Monitors of every room in the Hazuki Residence::  
::He walks to the end and comes to a solid door::  
::Iwao enters a code and three solid, titanium doors move to the side::  
::He walks into a room full of Shotguns, Ak-47's, Rocket Launchers, Grenades, Bullet Proof Vests and more::  
::Iwao grabs a shotgun and a silenced pistol and straps them to his side:: 

"Dobuita Park" 

Ryo-san:(To himself) Don't wimp out. Don't wimp out.  
Sook-san:(From behind) Do it! Don't pussy out!

::Nozomi was standing up, smoking a cigarette and all around her prepy friends, laughing and giggling::   
::Ryo walks up to Nozomi, shaking nervously and twiddling his fingers in his pockets::

Ryo-san: H-Hi. Im Ryo-san. 

::Nozomi blows the cigarette smoke into Ryo's face::  
::Ryo coughs::

Ryo-san: Anyways. I've seen ya 'round school and all and at your parties and shit that other people invited me to go to and I just wanted to know if you wanted to-

::Nozomi blows some more smoke into his face::  
::Ryo coughs::

Ryo-san: Will you please stop doing that.  
Nozomi: Doin' what?  
Ryo-san: That smoke thing. Please stop that.  
Nozomi: Hun. I can do whatever I want thank you very much.

::Ryo shakes so much he gets light headed::  
::He thinks,"Damn, am I trippin' over that little bit of smoke?"::  
::Nozomi and her friends laugh::  
::Ryo thinks,"Naw, I can't be. Am I?":: 

Nozomi:(Laughing at Ryo) Look at him. He's so stoned.   
Ryo-san: Wait, that shit wasn't cigarette smoke was it. Your smoking marajuana aren't you?  
Nozomi: No shit dumbass.   
Ryo-san:(Standing like a hotshot, moving his shoulders around and smiling) Hahaha... this is kinda cool.

::Suddenly Ryo is seized from behind by a hotshot jock with a Sake High Jersey Jacket on, short black hair, and very muscular and tall::  
::The jock stands with a group of his jock friends::

Jock: Hey bitch. You messin' wit my hoe.  
Ryo-san:(Giggling) ngg. I 'aint messin' wit shit bitch!  
Jock: What did you say?

::The jock moves in slow motion to Ryo::

Ryo-san: I said she my hoe.

::Ryo walks over to Nozomi and picks her up::  
::Sook-san stands up from the slide and waves his arms back and forth::

Sook-san: RYO-SAN!!! DON'T!!! COME BACK!!! STOP ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT!!!   
Nozomi:(Punching Ryo constantly in the face) Put me down you asshole!!!  
Ryo-san: Hey keep doing that! It's turning me on babay!!!!

::The jock taps Ryo on his shoulder::  
::Ryo looks over towards the jock with his eyes dimmed and his teeth showing brightly::  
::The jocks fist came towards Ryo's face, then everything went black::

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo wakes up with an ice pack on his eye::  
::Iwao stood over him::

Iwao: I found you strapped up, hanging from the Yu Arcade Sign passed out.  
Ryo-san: Uggghhhh... sorry about that father.

::Iwao pulls out a bag of weed::

Iwao:(Face turning red) What is this son?

::Ryo's eyes widened:: 

Ryo-san: I've never seen that before in my life!!!  
Iwao: Am I going to have to give you a breathilizer son?  
Ryo-san: NO!!! I don't get high! I swear!  
Iwao: You wouldn't lie to me. Would you son?  
Ryo-san: In a million years father. Would never think of it.  
Iwao: Ok. Now I'm going to go throw this away son. I never want to see it in this house again. Understood?  
Ryo-san: Yes father.

::Iwao walks out and shuts Ryo's door::  
::He walks into his room and locks the door::  
::Several of Iwao's friends are waiting inside::

Iwao:(Holding the bag of weed in the air) Alright. Bad luck im afraid guys. My son doesn't smoke weed so I couldn't find any dealers. But fuck let's smoke what we got and get HIGH AS HELL!!!!

::His friends cheered with bongs and bowls in their hands::

"The Dojo" 

::Ryo spares in the dojo::  
::He noticed the Yin and Yang Banner in the dojo, written in Japanese::  
::He walks over to it and reads it::   
::English Subtitles came on the bottom of the screen::   
::SUBTITLES:"You can't read me mother fucker!"::  
::Ryo scratches his head::

Ryo-san: What the hell?

"The Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo walks into the kitchen and grabs a carton of milk::  
::He reads the Japanese writing on the side::  
::SUBTITLES:"Learn Japanese mother fucker!!!:: 

Ryo-san:(Throwing the carton of milk) NO! YOU LEARN ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER!!!!

::Ryo walks up to Iwao:: 

Ryo-san:(Confused) Father? Aren't we suppose to be speaking in Japanese?  
Iwao: Damn. Really?  
Ryo-san: Yeah. I can't read anything in Japanese.  
Iwao: So that's the shit on everything. So son, what words do you know in Japanese?  
Ryo-san: What the fuck is it? Is it a language?  
Iwao: What did you say son?! I don't want no rude language such as fuck used in this HOUSE! Even I don't say that word. So what the fuck is this japanese shit anyways?   
Ryo-san: Oh well...  
Iwao: Oh well. We speak this language so the Americans can understand us son.  
Ryo-san: Oh! Plus, I kinda like this language better anyways father.  
Iwao: Me too goddamnit! Now, shut the door. I'm trying to take a shit!

::Ryo shuts the door as Iwao is on the toilet letting loose a big, molded meatloaf he ate for dinner last night::

"The Secret Room in the Hazuki Residence" 

Buff Brotha From Another Motha: Your next assignment Mr. Hazuki.

::The computer that Iwao examines zooms into a mysterious woman's face, labeling everything about her: Her age, sex, history, and location(at the current moment)::  
::Iwao sits at his desk with his glasses on and observes::

Buff Brotha From Another Motha: Her name is Ine-san. She's of middle age, preferbly in her late 40's. Your assignment is to track her down and kill her. You can convene with her at the MJQ Jazz Bar at this hour in Dobuita. At the bar, say to the bartender,"The Way To The Slutty Red Rose." And Iwao, please, don't have physical intercourse with her in your secret room then kill her. I hate when other killers contact me wanting to know why they can't have intercourse with their victims because they receive words of your doings.  
Iwao: Affermative. Out.

"MJQ Jazz Bar" 

::Iwao dressed in a tuxedo, a rose on the side and his hair slicked to the side, sitting at the bar:: 

Iwao:(To the bartender) The way to the slutty red rose. 

::The Bartender moves the Alcohol Shelf to the side::   
::There were steps leading up behind::

Bartender: Please. Proceed.  
Iwao: Thank you.

::Iwao grips his hand on his gun under his tuxedo::  
::He commences slowly and cautiously up the steps, hearing music at the top::  
::It was solemn, soothing music::  
::He reaches the top, seeing a nice warm bed to the left and an elegant fireplace burning to the right::  
::Iwao walks towards the bed, staying cautious::  
::He sees a win bottle resting in a bucket of ice near the side of the bed::

????:(From behind) You must be Iwao. I was expecting you. Please, make yourself comfortable.

::Iwao turns around smoothly and slickly::  
::He spots Ine-san in a see through shirt and a black blouse on, walking and crossing her legs towards Iwao, smiling and holding two glasses::   
::She wore an ass load of make-up and had her hair up in a bun:: 

Iwao: Hello mam.  
Ine-san: Care for some champaign?  
Iwao: Yes please.

::Iwao sits on the bed, taking the glass full of wine in which Ine-san just poured::  
::Ine-san stands, straddling the bedpost::

Iwao: Your a lively woman. Exactly what I need for tonight.  
Ine-san:(Lifting an eyebrow) You know my charge isn't cheap hunny.

::Iwao takes out a bundle of one hundred dollar bills and tosses them at Ine-san::

Iwao: Consider it done.

::Ine-san laughs::

Ine-san: Oh I'm going to do you like a Frait Train big boi.

::Iwao lays back on the bed::   
::Ine-san stands in front of him and slowly takes her clothes off::  
::Suddenly she farts and the fireplace behind rages into a big ball of flame::

Iwao:(Wrinkling his noise) OH GREAT HEAVENS!!!  
Ine-san: Sorry hun. I had to poo poo.  
Iwao: Delightful.

::Iwao reaches in his tuxedo for his silenced pistol::  
::Ine-san leans her hands on the top of the bed:: 

Iwao: Well I've had a lovely night.  
Ine-san: Oh... but the fun has just begun.

::Ine-san pulls on a rope connected to the top of the bed, opening a hole over Iwao and dropping several glass plates on his head::  
::Iwao's eyes roll in the back of his head, then he passed out:: 


	5. Episode 5: The POWER of Ryosan

Episode 5: S.I.

"Yokosuka Public Pool" 

::Ryo-san sits on the side of the pool with his yellow poka dot bathing suit halfway up his thighs::  
::He kicks his feet in the water and looks around at all of the people swimming::  
::Then he spots Nozomi walking out of the lockers in her bikini::  
::Ryo starts to sweat uncontrollably::

Ryo-san: Man oh man. If only I could have a piece of that.

::Two big strong boys run behind her and slap her ass, then pick her up and toss her into the pool::

Ryo-san:(Flexing his muscles) I can be big and strong too!

::Ryo's little cherry of a muscle slumps over::  
::He sighs::

"The Mountains overlooking Yokosuka" 

::Iwao awakes from being uncontious only to notice that hes hanging upside down::

Iwao: OH MY GOD!!! HELP!!! SOMEONE!!!!

::His legs are tied to a rope which was connected to a crane, hanging him off the side of the mountain::

Ine-san:(From the crane) Awake so soon?   
Iwao:(Calm) Hahahahahaha... I should of known. This is all nonesense you know. Im a killer! I natural born killer! I will easily find my way out of this mess. I mean come on. You only have my legs tied to a crane and hanigng me upside down so I can see this lovely view of a fall that's about maybe six thousand feet.   
Ine-san:(Laughing) Oh really now? Did you happen to notice that your hands were tied together too?

::Iwao wiggles his hands:: 

Iwao:(Breathing heavily) Son of a- (Regains stablility) Hahahaha... this is all too easy. Your acting like I've never been in this type of situation before.  
Ine-san:(Rolling her eyes) Ok! Enough with the bullshit! Give me the directions to your house.   
Iwao:... so you can rob me? Hunny, sugar muffins, whatever you like to be called, I am not giving into interrigation! I have been interrigated all my life and you think a crane hanging me over a mountain is gonna make me squeal? Well lady, you got another thing coming for you!

::Ine-san turns the crane on and starts shaking Iwao back and forth::  
::Iwao yawns::

Iwao: OHHH!!! IM SOOOO SCARED!!!!

::Ine-san suddenly lowers the crane, dropping Iwao a ways down::

Iwao:(To himself, inhaling and exhaling with his eyes closed) I'm not on a crane. I'm at home in my bed. IM AT HOME IN MY BED.

::Ine-san stops the crane:: 

Ine-san: How about now? Give me the directions!  
Iwao: NEVER!!!! Give me five minutes! JUST GIVE IT TO ME!! I'll show you my vast capabilities of getting out of inclement positions!

::Ine-san looks at her watch::

Ine-san: Start... now!

"Yokosuka Public Pool" 

::Ryo gets up from the side of the pool and faces Nozomi::  
::He takes a deep breath::

Ryo-san: I'm a Hazuki! As father would say,"Hazuki's Never Quit!" I can do this!

::Ryo starts walking towards Nozomi as she is standing out of the pool::  
::She swings her hair back like something in Charlies Angels::  
::Ryo stops and closes his eyes::   
::Quickly, from the side, he is pushed in the pool::  
::Ryo didn't know how to swim::

Nozomi:(Chuckling) That was mean you guys!  
Big Boys: Oh but we did it for you baby.

::Nozomi hit the boys in the chest::

Nozomi:(Smirking) Your such studs!  
Boy Boys: We can show you what studs we really are in the stalls in the locker room.  
Nozomi: Then what are we waiting for?! 

"Bottom of the pool" 

::Ryo lays at the bottom of the pool, wiggling his arms but nothing happens::   
::Out of nowhere, Ryo's hair begins to turn golden and his eyes begin to turn bloodshot red::

"Surface of the pool" 

::Everyone gathers around the pool to watch the water turn gold::  
::Suddenly, the water in the pool begins to drain until theres nothing left but the ground below::  
::A hole the size of Ryo lied at the bottom::  
::Ryo was nowhere in site::

Nozomi: Where the hell did he go?

::Sook-san runs up to the side of the pool::

Sook-san: This is NOT good!  
Random man: What is it?  
Sook-san:(Shouting scarcely) His hair is down!!!!!

"The Mountains overlooking Yokosuka" 

::Five minutes went by::

Ine-san:(Leaning on her hand with her eyes dimmed as if she was about to fall asleep) Your still hanging man.

::Iwao wiggles speratically, yanking on the rope and trying to climb up it:: 

Iwao:(Puffing air ravenously out of his noise) I'm... LONG PAUSE ... g-going to get o-out of... EVEN LONGER PAUSE ... THIS!!!  
Ine-san: Look man, just give-  
Iwao: NEVER!!!!!!!!!! I'm telling you- you Ine-san bitch. I have killed the most dangerous men in the world to date! I will not hesitate to kill you! I have all the people I have killed in my records right here in my pocket. If you'd swing me over there you can see them for yourself.

::Ine-san pulls out a handful of paper::

Ine-san: You mean these?   
Iwao: THIEF! Give them back at once!  
Ine-san: Let's read them shall we?  
Iwao:(Sucking up his nose) Won't do you any good. It's written in a special language.  
Ine-san:(Sagging sadly) Really?   
Iwao:(Deviously) Hehehehe. You take me for a fool? I know of peasants like you getting ahold of my papers. This was all planned.(Joker Laugh) Muahahaha!

::Ine-san takes out a book that deciphers every written language known to man::

Iwao: Where did you get that?!?!  
Ine-san: Stole it from some rich man a few years ago.  
Iwao: I knew it! You are a thief! My instincts never stear me wrong! Go ahead, read it! And you will realize how dangerous I am.  
Ine-san:(Reading the victims of Iwao) Hmmm... a little man with a yellow jacket, a fireman hat, and a snow scarf at Jeimtois St. May 23rd 1965?  
Iwao: Indeed. The little man is a metaphore! The yellow jacket is a secret form of communication only us "killers" know and you will never figure it out.   
Ine-san:(Reading) A young little boy who sat on his toilet, watching his crap, and crying "Mommy! Mommy! I finally understand that song My Hump, My Lumps!".  
Iwao:(Nodding his head) Correct.  
Ine-san: That's it! I've had enough of this! 

::Ine-san goes behind the crane and picks up a massive bucket::

Iwao: What's that?  
Ine-san: In just seconds, I will lung this bucket of glue at you. Then cover you with bird food. Within minutes, you will be the food to a nice huge flock of seagulls.  
Iwao: Wait a minute! I have had training for this!   
Ine-san: What? Ok, enough with the killer shit! Just give me the directions and it'll help the both of us!  
Iwao: NEVER!!!!!!   
Ine-san: Have it your way then.

::Iwao closes his eyes:: 

"Yu Arcade" 

Costumer: Where's my award!  
Owner: Hold on sir. Im reaching to get it right now. 

::The owner bends down to get the award::  
::Seconds later, he bends back up, only to notice that the costumer was kocked out as with the rest of the people in the arcade::  
::All of the machines were broken open and the YEN was stolen::  
::The owner reaches for his shotgun and holds it up in the air::

Owner: GET BACK HERE YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!

"Dobuita" 

::Ryo runs down the street, drenching wet::  
::His eyes glare upon the people on the street evily::  
::He holds a bagfull of YEN and holds it to his side forcefully::

"Yokosuka Armory" 

::The owner sits on his chair with his feet hoisted up on the counter, reading a magazine::  
::Suddenly he feels something heavy fall on them::  
::He moves the magazine out of the way and there lies the back of YEN ontop of his feet::  
::Ryo stands there, his eyes glaring red and his hair golden, breathing heavily and grotesquely::

Owner: May I help you?   
Ryo-san:(Drooling) I WANT GUNS!!! LOTS OF THEM!! AMMO TOO!!!!!!   
Owner:(Chuckling) Your kind of underage youngman. Come back in about ten years. By the way, I think I know you. Your Hazuki-san's young boy. Why isn't your hair spiked? New style I see eh?  
Ryo-san: That's because im not having a too good of a day!!!!!!  
Owner: Ok, calm down now. No need to get angry.  
Ryo-san:(Shaking like he has terretts) Im NOT ANGRY!!! Your making me angry!!!!  
Owner: Ok sir, im going to have to ask you to leave now.  
Ryo-san: No... im going to have to ask you to blow up now MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!

::Ryo takes the owner by his shirt and turns him around::

Owner:(Whaling punches) LET GO OF ME YOU PSYCHO!!!!

::Ryo bends the ownder over and rips open his asshole::

Owner:(Face as red as a ticking time bomb) Great fucking superman automobiles!!!!

::Ryo finds some Super Army Masking Tape and ties the owner to the ground::   
::He snatches some long tube and shoves one end all the way into the mans asshole until it reaches his main intestine::

Owner: OWCH!! THAT HURTS!!!!!

::Ryo runs out onto the street and digs far into the ground with his hands until he reaches the main sewage line::  
::He pokes a little hole in it, having shit fly into his face::  
::He attaches the tube connected to the mans asshole to that little hole with loads of tape::  
::Then he goes back up to the man and attaches strings to his body, leading to grenades attached all around his shop::  
::Ryo stocks up on shotguns, rifles, sniper rifles, rocket launchers, silenced and unsilenced PP7's, C4, and grenades::

Ryo-san: Move motherfucker, and you will get blown to hell as fast as you can say "You just got robbed by a twelve year old" cocksucker!!!!! 

::Ryo runs down the street laughing::

Owner: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

"Nozomi's House" 

Nozomi: Fuck me James! FUCK ME!!!  
James: Oh I will baby. I will. 

::While James and Nozomi are having sweet, passionate rough sex, the bed breaks through the floor::

Nozomi: AHHH!!!   
James: WHAT THE HELL?!?!?

::The bed is caught by a massive net below::

James: What the hell is going on?!?!? 

::Ryo swings from the right and catches ahold of James, tossing him through the wall of the house and outside into the backyard::  
::James gets up, tosses off his Sake High Football Jersey, and puts up his fists::  
::Ryo stands therem facing James, and smiles::

James: Your the little fag that keeps staring at Nozomi. I knocked you in the face back at the park the other day. You deserved it you little cunt! Now prepare to die!!!

::Ryo looks up at James then looks to the ground::  
::Hastily, Ryo pulls out a twelve guage shotgun from behind and points it at James:: 

Ryo-san: Tell me one thing, James. Do you feel lucky, punk? 

::Ryo aims for the top of James' head and blows off the top portion of his hair::  
::He walks up to him and sticks a C4 in the top of his head, digging into his skull and runs away::  
::Nozomi opens her window from the top::

Nozomi: Hunny! Is everything alright!

::James turns towards Nozomi with the C4 in his head::

James: It's alright sweety. Everythings just fine! I just have a little headache that's all.  
Nozomi: Baby, what's that in your head?  
James: Nothing's in my head sweety.

::Suddenly a big explosion is seen behind Ryo as he runs under an abandon bridge and kneeles down and moves back and forth, moving his fingers around and picking at his teeth::

Ryo-san:(Smegal Sound) HAHAHAHAH!!! REVENGE IS MINE!!!! The world? Oh no... too too powerful. But is it powerful enough for me? Hehehe... we shall see!!! 

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Iwao walks in with his hands tied behind his back and covered in glue and bird food::

Ine-san: I knew you'd come to your senses.

Iwao: I couldn't take that shit any longer. Those seagulls can devour their food unimaginably.  
Ine-san: I'll untie you if you promise to be good.  
Iwao: We don't promise in my business Ine-san, we make sure of it. And to answer your question, yes, I will.

::The doorbell rings from behind::  
::Ine-san answers::  
::Ryo stands at the doorway with ripped clothes, smoke seeping through his clothes, and his hair spiked up again::

Ryo-san: Father? What are you covered in?  
Iwao:(Shockingly) I should be asking the same question son. Bad day eh?  
Ryo-san:(Standing tall and feeling good about himself) Actually, I had a good day.  
Iwao: Too bad I can't say the same.  
Ine-san: After we get settled and all, I'd like to introduce you guys to someone who is very close to me. His name is Fukuhara-san.


	6. Episode 6: The Detective

Episode 6: S.I.

"Hazuki Residence" 

::A knock is heard on the door::   
::Ine-san answers with a rag hung from her shoulder and utensils in her hands, polishing them carefully::

Detective: Hello. I'm detective Gean Goon. May I speak with Iwao Hazuki please?

::The detective flashes his identification::

Ine-san:(Brady Bunch Tone) I'm sorry. Iwao isn't available at the moment. He's down at the store fetching supper. May I take a message?  
Detective:(Smirking) Ha. No. No message at all.

"Iwao's Room" 

::Iwao was tied up and hung upside down from the cieling with layers of masking tape shielding his mouth::  
::Ine-san walks in and rips it off::

Iwao: OOOOWWWWWWCCCCHHHH!!!!!!  
Ine-san: That was a close one. Now, would you like something to eat?  
Iwao: No. I'd like somewhere to place my feet!  
Ine-san: All in good time Iwao. I need to gain my trust of you first. Remember, your still a killer. That means I'm still your assignment.  
Iwao: Grrrrrr! 

"Bathroom" 

::Ryo stands towards the mirror with his shirt off, plucking at little hairs on his chest:: 

Ine-san:(Shaking her head and smiling) Your growing up. Your almost a man.  
Ryo-san:(Offended) I am a man!

::Ine-san laughs::

Ine-san: Is that father of yours raising you wrong. You could use some good parenting. I can assure you that I can handle it.  
Ryo-san: Ok lady, your freaking me out. My father rasies me good. Sure he may be a little weird and obsessed at what he does at times but he's good to me.  
Ine-san: I'm sure. Little one, whhat your going through is called puberty. It's something every young boy-   
Ryo-san: I KNOW WHAT PUBERTY IS, AND MY NAME IS RYO-SAN, AND IM A MAN!!!!!!  
Ine-san: You want to meet a real man. Come on. Follow me.

::Ine-san winks at Ryo::  
::Ryo backs up in disgust:: 

"An Abandoned Alleyway" 

::Ine-san and Ryo walk down an old, decrepet alleyway with evil eyed birds eyeing down on them from the rooftops and trash piled on every side of them::

Ryo-san:(Cuddling his arms to his chest and staring around) This place is giving me the creeps.  
Ine-san: This is where I used to live.  
Ryo-san: Really?

::Ryo and Ine-san arrive at a little square box about half the size of Ine-san:: 

Ine-san:(Stepping to the side like she was hosting a circus) RedHOE-san, I'd like-  
Ryo-san: Ryo-san!  
Ine-san: Right. (Clears throat) Ryo-san. I'd like to introduce you to my partner in life, my blood, my son, FUKU-SAN!!!

::Everything was silent::   
::The box stands there::

Ryo-san: Ummmmm, is Fuku-san the box?  
Ine-san: GODDAMNIT YOU LAZY PIECE OF SHIT WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!

::Mr. Rogers crawls out of the box::

Mr. Rogers: Hi. How are you doing?

::A young boy with matted hair, spiders crawling through his hair, and clothes with massive holes in them crawled out of the box::  
::Ryo stares at the boy with his nose wrinkled::  
::The boy walks over to Ryo and kicks him in his balls::  
::Ryo gasps::  
::His face turns red and he colaspes to the ground::  
::The boy reaches his hand in Ryo's pockets and takes out all of his YEN and snatches Ine-san's hands and runs off, farting in Ryo's face as he runs::

Ine-san: NO! NO! Fuku-san! He's a good guy. STOP!

::The boy ceases and turns around, nibbling on his fingers::

Ine-san: Sorry Ryo-san. This is Fuku-san.  
Ryo-san:(Curled in a ball, holding his crotch)(Squeeky Voice) Nice to meet you.

::Ine-san turns towards Fuku-san and kneels down to him, flicking his nose and shaking her index finger::

Ine-san: No robbing people we know. NO robbing people we know. Understand?

::Fuku nodds his head::

Ine-san: Good! Now pack all of your stuff Fuku-san, we got ourselves a house!!!

"A vehicle on the side of the street in Yomanose" 

Detective: I'm going to catch that bastard! Yes I am! No one will stop me! I've been after this fucker for years and now I have finally pinpointed his location. No stopping me now. I must make an attack! But how?  
Fat Boy:(From behind) That's nice. Now can I have my Triple Go Go Smiley Burger now?  
::The detective turns around::  
::He was dressed with an aprin around him which said "Go Go Burger" on it, standing inside a Burger Truck::

Detective: That'll be sixty-five dollars please.  
Fat Boy:(Fat on his face jiggling) What?! For a stupid burger?! The sign doesn't say that!  
Detective: You know what? Fuck the sign! I say it's sixty-five dollars.  
Fat Boy: And I say your a loser.  
Detective: I'm a detective young man! If I say the price, that's what you pay! Now pay or have nice day!  
Fat Boy: Fuck you asshole! Your not no detective! Your a damn Burger Stand Employee! All the money I spent on brewing up the fat on my ass cheeks is enough to put you and your whole damn chain outta business mother fucker!

::The detective turns red in the face::  
::He hops over the counter and takes out a taser::  
::He tasers in between the Fat Boy's Asscheeks::

Detective: And I bet you that by the time I'm done, your cheeks will be cooked enough for me to sell at this stand! Oh and by the way, your UNDER ARREST! 

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Iwao secretively uses his tongue to undue stiches at the top of his mouth::  
::A little blade falls out into his mouth::

Iwao: Having a blade stiched up in my mouth was a brilliant idea. I always knew it would get me somewhere.

::Iwao leans up and begins cutting the rope hanging him from the ceiling::  
::Suddenly, Iwao hears a window break::  
::The detective crawls into the house through Ryo's Bedroom Window::  
::He has his Go Go Burger Aprin on with a hat too, showing no sign of him being a detective::

Iwao: Who goes there?!

::There was a pause::

Detective:(From Ryo's Bedroom) GET BACK HERE YOU SCOUNDREL!!!  
Iwao: What the- 

::The detective runs down the hallway towards Iwao's Room:: 

Detective: I GOT YOU!!!!!!

"Outside of the Hazuki Residence" 

Ryo-san: Fuku-san doesn't talk much does he?  
Ine-san: Oh he does. Just not to people he doesn't know.

::Fuku growls at Ryo::  
::Ryo backs up::

Ryo-san: Ookkkkkkk. Sorry I asked.  
Ine-san: Fuku-san believes that people he doesn't form a trust bond of ralliance with are considered a threat to God.  
Ryo-san: God?  
Ine-san: Yes. I forgot to mention that young Fuku-san here is a strong and devoted christian. Yes, it may seem hard to believe. But everything he does is for the good of mankind.

::Ryo-san holds his balls::

Ryo-san: Right. Uh huh.

"The Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo, Ine-san and Fuke-san walk into the house::  
::It was silent::

Ryo-san: Father! Im home! By the way, Ine-san, where is father? I haven't seen him since I saw him come home with you.

::The detective crawls around the corner, holding his stomach and moaning::

Detective: I-I couldn't c-catch him.   
Ine-san: OH MY GOD! Are you ok?!

::Ine-san flees up to the detective::

Detective: Y-Yes, thankfully. But the bandit seemed to of gotten the best out of me.  
Ine-san: Bandit?!   
Detective: Yes, a man stole a burger from my stand! I managed to break forcefully into your house, my apologies, and try to captive the bandit. But his powers overpowered mine. He got away.

::Ryo stands in the back and laughs quietly, knowing it all sounded like a crock of shit::

Ine-san: Well, you need to rest. Here, let's find you somewhere to lay down.

::Iwao walks out of his room::

Iwao:(Moving back and forth) I umm... this man right here helped me lose to help him catch the burgler.

"That Night" 

::Ryo awakes in his sleep to fetch a drink::   
::He spots the detective at the end of his bed in a nightgound:: 

Detective: Can I sleep with you?  
Ryo-san: Course not! Get out. Your suppose to be injured. Remember?  
Detective:(Solemly) B-But im lonely.  
Ryo-san: I don't care. Get out!   
Detective:(Hanging his head) Fine...

"The Next Day" 

::Iwao and Ine-san are cooking breakfast together::

Ine-san: Iwao, would you mind handing me the butcher knife please?  
Iwao:(Grinning) With pleasure.

::Iwao holds the knife high::  
::He swings down towards Ine-san::

Iwao: Here you go.

::Ine-san grabs it::

Ine-san: Thanks.   
Iwao:(To himself) Hahaha... if I can gain some trust in her. It will be perfect when I finally make my attack to eliminate her. Hehehe, yes, it will be perfect.

"That Night" 

::Ryo awakes once more to fetch a drink::

Ryo-san: THAT'S IT MOTHER FUCKER!!!!  
Detective: I want you.  
Ryo-san: I don't want you you perverted fuck! Now get OUT! I gotta go to school tommorow!!  
Detective: Can I come? I'll stay in your bookbag.   
Ryo-san: My books are much more important than you. LEAVE! 

"That Morning" 

::Ryo walks into the kitchen before school to get some breakfast::

Ine-san: I made you some srambled eggs sweety.  
Ryo-san: Ummmm... thanks.   
Ine-san: Poor Fuku-san has nowhere to sleep. Can he double bunk with you?  
Ryo-san: I don't care. As long as the monster doesn't bite me.  
Ine-san: Did I ever tell you Ryo-san how good you look before you go to school?  
Ryo-san:(Blushing) Uhhhh, no?  
Ine-san: I could just toss you into a pan and make scrambled eggs out of you.   
Ryo-san:(Sarcastically) I'm flattered.  
Ine-san: Your really hott.  
Ryo-san: I'm also a kid you old fuck.  
Ine-san: Oh I know. No need to get mad.

"The Next Morning" 

::Ryo awakes but doesn't open his eyes::

Ryo-san:(To himself) I swear, if that man is at the end of my bed when I open my eyes I will chop his fucking balls off.

::He opens his eyes::   
::The detective is not there::

Ryo-san:(Stretching happily with a smile) Ahhhhh, this is going to be a wonderful day. 

::He feels a piece of paper taped to his foot::  
::He sees a check::  
::Ryo rips it off his foot::  
::The check had a note attached to it::  
::The note read:"Ryo-san! PLEASE FUCK ME!"::  
::There was a check made out for twenty thousand dollars by Ine-san::

Ryo-san: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!


	7. Episode 7: Iwao's Secret Occupation

Episode 7: S.I.

"Hazuki Residence"   
"Iwao's Secret Basement" 

Iwao: But what do I do? Ine-san's too smart. There's no way I can continue my mission.  
Buff Brotha From Another Motha: Study her. Examine her. Im sure you can find a way Iwao.  
Iwao: Hmmmm...

"Ryo's Room" 

::Ryo lays in his bed::  
::Fuku sleeps on the floor::

Ryo-san: Why don't you ever talk?

::Fuku is silent::

Ryo-san: Talking is good for you. You should try it sometime.

::Fuku growls::

::Ryo gets up snd walks into the kitchen, finding Iwao bent over Ine-san, holding her hands, and helping her with some flour::

Ryo-san:(Scratching his head) Ummm... bad time?

::Iwao breaks away from Ine-san quickly and pretends to do something else::

Iwao: U-Uh, no son. Not at all. What's the problem?  
Ryo-san: I can't sleep with that kid Fuku-san! father. He's so growchy and silent and it scares me. Plus, he stinks. Like A LOT!  
Iwao: Well son, that's why I told your mother years ago to install a shower in this house. But she didn't seem to listen to me. Now we have to pay for her mistakes.   
Ryo-san: Why do we smell so good?  
Iwao: Hmmmm, good question. Because we're Hazuki's!!! And Hazuki's always smell good!  
Ryo-san: Well, father, im sleeping in another room.

"Guest Room" 

::Ryo snuggles tightly under the bedsheets and closes his eyes with a smile::

Ryo-san:(Comfortably) Ahhhhhh...

"Hours Later" 

::Ryo wakes up and sees the detective sleeping on his right with his right arm over Ryo's chest, smiling::  
::He looks to his left and sees Ine-san sleeping on his left, smiling::

Ryo-san:(Silently) Oh god...  
Detective:(With his eyes shut, whispering) I love you.   
Ryo-san: OH GOD!!!

::Ryo jumps up, slaps both of them out the way, and scrambles out of the room::

Ryo-san: That's it! I had it! I'd rather sleep with that creep Fuku-san than a gay fag and an old oaf that wants to sleep with me!

::Ryo opens his door, finding Fuku-san digging through a dirty brown bag he had on the floor::

Ryo-san: Hey kid. What'cha doin'?

::Fuku didn't answer::

Ryo-san:(Rolling his eyes) Why did I even ask?

::Ryo kneels down several feet away from Fuku and watches him pull things from his bag::  
::Fuku pulls a statue of the virgin Mary with her holding baby Jesus and some other religious things::

Ryo-san: So your christian eh? That's cool I guess. I don't really know what I am. I think im bhuddist. I'm not sure. My father rings some bell in the Alter Room every evening.

::Fuku takes out a random, ornated blue box about the size of his hand and walks out of the room and out the front door::

Ryo-san: Where's he going? Oh well, he's christian anyways. He won't do nothing bad.

"Outside the Hazuki Residence" 

::Fuku opens the box and pulls out a cigarette, puts it in his mouth, and lights it::  
::He throws on a leather jacket with chains hanging from it::  
::He hops on a motorcycle waiting for him with a random guy, puts on his helmet and rides off::

"Hazuki Residence"   
"The Next Day" 

Ryo-san: FATHER!!! Ine-san and the detective are crazy! We can't have them in this house any longer!!!

::Iwao thinks about his mission to kill Ine-san and how the detective was still "injured":: 

Iwao: No, their staying son. End of discussion. Why don't you go outside and play.  
Ryo-san: I don't want to play father!!!! Ine-san is obsessed with me and that detective is gay!!! Im not lying!!!!  
Iwao: Son, he's not gay. He's probably got gay tendencies but don't we all.

::Iwao winks::

Ryo-san: THAT'S IT!!!!!!!  
Iwao: Don'r raise your voice at me Ryo-san!   
Ryo-san:(Pouting) Sorry father.

::Ryo throws on his shoes and stomps out the house::

Detective:(From around the corner of the house) Hehehehe, my plan is working splendidly. All I need to do is get that little kid to think im gay and he's out the way. It appears im suceeding. Iwao is mine! He's getting execution for sure!!!(Evil laugh) MUAHAHAHHAHA!!!!

"Yamanose" 

::Ryo runs down the street angrily::

Ryo-san: How come no one ever listens to me?!?!?

::Suddenly he hears thunder and the sky gets very black::

Ryo-san: Oh no. Thunderstorm. My hair? I must find cover.

::He ceases to move::

Ryo-san: But maybe if I get mad, I can get rid of that pesky detective and Ine-san? Hehehehe, I think I'll wait right here. 

"Flashback"   
"1975. Helicopter" 

::Ryo is uncontious and chained up, riding in an army helicopter with many soldiers surrounding him and taming him::

Soldier: When will be begin the process?  
2nd Soldier: When we arrive at the base.

"The Base" 

::Ryo is locked in a large tube full of water with his legs and arms chained up::

General: How long will this take?   
Soldier: As long as it takes for him to have his anger outburst. It seems to always happen when his hair is down and not spiked. 

::Ryo jerks::

General: We have something. 

::Scientists gather around the tube::  
::Ryo shakes then begins to twitch::  
::His hair turns gold and his eyes turn red:: 

Soldier: It's happening! Everyone BACK!!!!  
General: How did this happen to him?  
Soldier: It seems that he was injected with it by his father. His father was a mad scientist.  
General: That bastard!!!

::Ryo breaks the chains off and cracks the tube::

Soldier: Everyone out the room!!!

::Everyone panics and runs out, sealing off the doors and sounding the alarms::   
::Iwao runs in in his scientist outfit::

Iwao: SON! STOP! They'll kill you!!!

::Ryo busts out and jumps high into the air::  
::He lands in front of Iwao::

Iwao: Son, your weak, and always will be.  
Ryo-san: NO I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
Iwao:(Laughing joyfully) HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

"End of Flashback"   
"Yomanose" 

::Ryo has his fists balled::

Ryo-san: I'll get them all back! I'LL GET MY REVENGE!!!!!

::The rain begins to fall::

"Hazuki Residence"   
"Iwao's Room" 

::Iwao lays in his bed pretending to be sick::  
::Ine-san walks in with a sandwich and some chips::  
::He fake coughs::

Iwao: Ugh. This cold is killing me.  
Ine-san: This should make you feel better sweety.

::Ine-san lays it down next to him:: 

Ine-san: You wait here now. Im going to go fetch some milk. Be right back.

::Once she is out of the room, Iwao grabs the sandwich and pulls out a bottle from under his bed::  
::The bottle read:"Completely Undetectible Food Poison: For the most deadly stealth assasinations."::  
::Iwao grins::  
::He pours some in the sandwich::

Ine-san:(From behind the door) How's the sandwich?!

::Iwao tosses the bottle under the bed and tears a chunk off the sandwich, tossing that under the bed too::

Iwao: Ugh! It's distasteful. What did you put in it?

::Ine-san walks in::

Ine-san: Only the best ingrediants around.  
Iwao: Well it just make my stomach quarky. I don't know what you did to it. 

::Ine-san picks it up and looks at it::

Ine-san: Hmmmm, let me try a piece.

::Ine-san draws the sandwich close to her mouth::  
::Iwao smiles::

::The front door slams open::  
::At the doorway stands Ryo, holding both sides of the doorway with water dripping profusely from his body::  
::His hair was gold and his eyes red::

Ryo-san:(Cave Of Wonders Aladdin Toned Voice) Someone is gonna die tonight.

"Iwao's Room" 

Ine-san: You know what I'd rather bite a chunk out of?  
Iwao:(Smiling) What's that?  
Ine-san: You.

::Iwao's face goes down::

Iwao: What?!

::Ine-san turns towards Iwao::

Ine-san: I want you.  
Iwao: I ummm... well gee, I don't know.

::Ine-san jumps on Iwao::

Iwao: HOLY HELL!!!

"The Kitchen" 

::The detective sneaks into the kitchen::

Detective: Alright Iwao. I know your little place is somewhere in here.

::He searches through the drawers, cabinets and regrigerator::

Detective: There's some clue here. I just know it.

::Suddenly, he sees the secret door cracked open::

Dectective: Ah ha. I have found something.

::He sneaks over to the door, grips his hand on the side, and waits::

Detective: Iwao... YOUR MINE!!!!

::He opens it quickly::  
::A string from above signaled a net to shoot from a pipe behind, sticking him to the door::

Detective: What the fuck?!?!

::The door falls foward::  
::Glue shoots out from both sides of the wall, squirting it all over him::  
::The door falls down the steps::

Detective: HOOOOLLLLYY SSSSHHHIIITTT!!!!!

::At the bottom of the steps lies a big ring with fire raging in the inside::

Detective: Oh hell no!!!

::The detective and the door flies through the ring, catching the glue on fire, burning the detective and the net::   
::The door hits the ground and slides through the room towards a carosine tank waiting for it at the end of the room::

Detective: I'LL GET YOU IWAAAAAOOOO!!!!!

::The door slides into the tank and explodes, setting flame to the whole room::  
::Ryo stood in the kitchen::

Ryo-san: Don't fuck with me again motherfucker! 

"Iwao's Room" 

::Iwao lays in the bed with his shirt off, breathing heavily with Ine-san laying to his right, moving her hand down his stomach::

Iwao: Wow...   
Ine-san:(Chuckling) Is that all you can say?  
Iwao: Wow... I hadn't had sex like that in I don't know when.  
Ine-san: Hehehe, you can thank me later  
Iwao: No seriously, you fucked the Hazuki out of me for a second there.  
Ine-san: Hehehehe, and you fucked the Ine out of me.  
Iwao: It looks like things are starting to look good...


	8. Episode 8: Yadasan VS Terry

Episode 8: S.I.

"The Harbor" 

::Yada-san was driving his forklift:: 

Yada-san:(Sticking his face out from the side, peacefully smiling and letting the wind blow against his face) What a beautiful day.

"Terry's Hideout" 

Terry: What a day to KILL YADA-SAN!!!

::Terry's men cheer::

Terry: This plan was the plan to end all plans. This one will definately work. Everyone gather around.

::His men gather in a circle around him::

Terry: Today I cut the breaks off of Yada's Forklift. It goes a WHOLE ten miles an hour! There's no possible way he could escape. I used that to his disadvantage!  
One of Terry's Men: Your so smart Terry.

"The Harbor" 

::Yada is riding when suddenly he trys to break::  
::The forklift doesn't stop::

Yada-san: Hmmmmmm... this is odd. 

::He slams on the breaks but nothing works::

Yada-san: Oh my GOD!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!

::He sees the Harbor Water ahead of him::

Yada-san: I'M GONNA DIE!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!! 

::He spots a ramp to his right::  
::He drives up on the ramp, flying through the air and landing on a passing ship::  
::The men on the ship move out his way::

Yada-san: Out of my way we got a forklift hear that can't stop!!!

::Sailors were jumping off the ship to clear Yada's way::  
::Suddenly he switches the forklift into reverse, then back into drive, then back into reverse:: 

Yada-san: This is gonna suck.

"Yada's Office" 

::Yada busts open his office door with water drenching down from him::  
::He sits down at his table starts making some tea::  
::He sets his pot down on the burner::   
::Suddenly, a few minutes later, he hears a clicking noise:: 

Yada-san:(In a faded voice) Terry... (Picks up voice) IT'S A BOMB!!!

::Yada flees from his table and flees for the door::  
::The timer on the stove dings::

Yada-san: Phew. That's what that clicking noise was. Wait, I don't ever remember there being a timer on my stove.

::Sailors outside hear an explosion in Yada's Office::

Yada-san: GODDAMNIT TERRY!!!! 

"Terry's Hideout" 

::Terry and his men stand around, laughing until they almost fall on the ground about how much they've pranked Yada-san::  
::Yada appears out of nowhere covering in smoke with black holes all over him::

Yada-san: I'm sick of this!  
Terry:(Laughing incontrollably) Hahahahahah! Look at you Yada-san! You look horrible!  
Yada-san: The Harbor is mine!!! You hear me, MINE!  
Terry: That's right. You "THINK" it's yours.  
Yada-san: No! I'll make it mine!!  
Terry: Bring it you pansy!  
Yada-san: At least im NOT named after a girl!!!!   
Terry: Oh hell no. It's on.  
Yada-san: Fine!  
Terry: But do rememeber how much I owned you in Middle School.  
Yada-san: I don't know what your talking about.  
Terry: Hahahaha, sure you do little Yada.

"Sake Middle School. 1957" 

Teacher: Alright class! Settle down now! Settle down. Today is a VERY special day. Can anyone tell me what day it is today? 

::Terry raises his hand::

Teacher:(Rolling her eyes)(Under her breath) Oh god... (Clears her voice) Uhmmm, yes Terry?  
Terry: The day that I fuck yo mamma!!!!

::The badasses sitting around Terry all bursted out in laughter:: 

Teacher:(Under her breath) I hope he knows my moms dead that little fuck.  
Random Girl: It's Career Day! People bring in things that represent what they want to do when they get older. Great fun for everyone!  
Teacher: Thank you Remot-san.  
Terry: HAHAHAHAH! That little bitch sounded like a damn infomercial! HAHAHAHH!!!! 

::Terry's gang again laughs::

Teacher: Ok, let's see who goes first. Hmmm...

::The teacher looks at her list of randomly picked people::

Teacher:(Reading from the list) Terry. (Whispering to herself) Oh god help us all.

::Terry gets up with his muscle shirt on that had Ozzie Osbourne on it with his nipples showing and playing a guitar::

Terry: What's up dudes!!!! Well, I'd just like to show you punks what I wanna be when I grow up. I wanna be a-

::Suddenly the door opens, and in walks Yada-san rolling in a table with a model of a harbor::  
::He wore a Harbor Workers Hat and was dressed like a forkman::  
::He wore glasses::

Teacher: Ahhhh Yada-san. Great to see you today. Please, have a seat.  
As a matter or fact, you can go instead of Terry. Terry, please have a seat.  
Terry: WHAT?!!??!?! Fuck you then you apple eating motha fucka!! I'll give you an apple you little bitch! Ever seen Sleeping Beauty?!?!?  
Yada-san: First of all, I'd like to say that being a Harbor Worker has been my dream since I was just a little boy.  
Terry: Geek! (Cough) GEEK!   
Yada-san: My dad when I was real little let me drive a forklift and ever since I knew it was my future.  
Terry: Future? I have a better future getting my dick sucked for the rest of my life then you do.  
Yada-san:(Trying to ignore Terry) Uhhhmmm... anyways. Yes, and when I grow up I wanna do what my father inspired me to do, and that is-  
Terry: -to be a fag.

::Terry gets up and walks by Yada's Harbor Model::  
::He purposely drops his books on it, crushing some of the buildings::

Terry: Whoops. Did I do that?  
Yada-san: Get out of here your stupid jerk!!!!   
Terry:(Laughing) It was an accident you little geek.

::Terry whips out a lighter and begins lighting his books, burning the model as well::

Terry: Looks like you have no future you little cunt. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

::Yada stands in a corner::  
::The whole class begins to laugh at him::  
::A tear begins to drop from Yada's eyes::  
::Terry stands in front of him and laughs in his face::

Terry: No future! NO FUTURE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! 

"1979. The Harbor" 

::A man is fishing out of the harbor::  
:: His line gets caught::

Man: Whoa! HAHAHAH! I got a BIG one!

::The man reels in a human head::

Man: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The Harbor Bus Station" 

::Yada stands outside, waiting for the bus to come and take him home::  
::He looks at his watch:: 

Yada-san: The bus is awfully late. I wonder where it's at? 

"Down the street and around the corner" 

::Terry and his gang have the Bus Driver tied up with an apple in his mouth::

Terry: HAHHAHAHA!! Now that motherfucker is never getting home!!!

"Back at the station" 

Yada-san:(Balling his fists) Terry. He had something to do with this! I just know it!

"The Next Night" 

::Yada spys on Terry one night::  
::He watches many Mad Angels walk into Warehouse #5 suspiciously::

Yada-san: Time to put an end to Terry once and for all.

::He finds a Mad Angel unguarded and runs him over with a forklift::  
::He dresses in his outfit and sneaks into Warehouse #5::  
::Yada gets in and sees that Terry has transformed one of his warehouses into a Mad Angels Strip Club!::

Yada-san: This is NOT good. 

::Strippers were dancing on stages and Mad Angels were below trying to grab their legs and putting money in their pants::   
::Pedro, one of Terry's most trusted and tallest bodyguards, sticks his Green Card in one of the stripper's pants::

Pedro: ...and bring me some burritos!!!!

::Yada notices a picture of him in the club with a dick painted in his mouth::

Yada-san: Those little pieces of trash!  
Girl from behind: Oh baby. You just said the magic sentence.  
Yada-san:(Confused) What?

::She takes Yada's hand and pulls him down a hallway in the back of the club::

Yada-san:(Looking around frantically) What? What's going on?

::He notices a sign that says,"The Mad Angels beating. Special Beating ONLY for the Mad Angels."::

Yada-san: OH GOD! WAIT! I didn't mean to say those little pieces of trash! WAIT!!!!!!!!!

::The girl yanks Yada into a red room with vibrating sounds all around and locks the door behind her:: 

Yada-san: Listen Lady. You don't understand. I don't want a Mad Angels Beating.  
Girl: Oh yes you do big boi. Look at those arms and that bear belly. I'm gonna bounce that thing like jelly! 

::The girl closes in on him::

Yada-san: Lady. If you get any closer, I will be forced to take action!  
Girl:(Shivering) HEHEHEHE! I love it when you big, bad Mad Angels threaten me. Makes me quiver throughout my body like an animal. BARK! BARK!  
Yada-san: What the hell?  
Girl: BARK! I'm gonna chew you up! Come to daddy!   
Yada-san: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::The girls bends Yada over::

Yada-san: Jesus Christ your strong!  
Girl: Ok, now relax. Just think of it as a rollercoaster. Your high at times and your low at times. Hehehehe. Oh, and watch out for the loop.   
Yada-san:(Pined to a chair with just little mouthspace to talk) And what's the loop?  
Girl: I'm deciding between the Blow Torch or Chainsaw.  
Yada-san: CHAINSAW?!??!  
Girl: Oh I love it when that part comes!!! HEHEHEHEH!!!! GRRR!!!!  
Yada-san: CHRIST ALMIGHTY!!!!!!!!!


	9. Episode 9: Ryo's Daydream

Episode 9: S.I.

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo comes home with a bloody lip and a black eye::

Iwao: Hello son.  
Ryo-san: Dad...  
Iwao: Yes?  
Ryo-san: Some kid beat me up today over a piece of my lunchmeat.  
Iwao: That's a shame son.  
Ryo-san: I need to learn how to fight father! How come you know the great Hazuki Style and I don't!  
Iwao: It's more more complicating than you think son.  
Ryo-san: B-But! I want to-   
Iwao: Fine. Meet me in the dojo tommorow at two p.m. sharp. 

"Alleyway" 

Ine-san: So yeah, and I got his house and everything.  
Friends: Oh your SOOOO smart Ine-san! Why didn't I think of that!  
Ine-san: Well well well, just sign up to be a prostitute, work at a bar, and nail the first motherfucker that comes in like I did to Iwao.  
Friends: Hehehehe... I guess no more street corners for me!

"Killer Inc." 

::Iwao walks into his office and has a seat::   
::He pushes the intercom on his desk::

Iwao: Iwao clone to my office immediately!

::A few minutes pass::  
::A man walks into Iwao's Office::

Man: Yes Iwao?  
Iwao: I need you to make a clone of yourself from my DNA pronto! Your going to teach my son martial arts.  
Man: But Iwao? I thought that it was the Hazuki Style?  
Iwao: Please, I just got that crappy idea off of a milk cartoon one day.

"That Night"   
"Outside of the Hazuki Residence" 

::Fuku arrives with Jimmie close behind::

Jimmie: This is your house?!?! Pretty big I'd say.  
Fuku-san: Hahahahaha. Yeah! This is MY HOUSE! Lived here ALL my life. Im rich too! And have lots of money! This house isn't nessasarily big. The BIG part lies inside.   
Jimmie:(Shivering) OoooooHHHHH I love it when you say things like that.

"The Nexy Day"   
"Hazuki Residence" 

::The door bell rings::  
::Ine-san answers::  
::Nozomi is standing there crying her eyes out:: 

Nozomi: H-H-Help me...  
Ine-san: Oh my god! What happened?!  
Nozomi: My grandmother kicked me out of the house. 

::She crys louder::

Ine-san: Oh boy. Why would she ever do such a dreadful thing?  
Nozomi:(Sniffing) Well, because my grades were TOO...  
Ine-san: Too...  
Nozomi: GOOD.   
Ine-san: What?!  
Nozomi: It was just an excuse to get me out so she could act like a child again. I don't know what is wrong with that woman. She has been acting really weird the past couple of weeks.  
Ine-san: Tell me what happened.

"Nozomi's Flower Shop" 

Narrator Nozomi: Well... we were at the Flower Shop one day and...  
Nozomi's Grandma: Sweety. I don't want this place anymore. Looking at flowers all day long makes me bored.  
Nozomi: So what do you want me to do? Get better flowers?   
Nozomi's Grandma: No Nozomi. Let's make it INTO AN ARCADE!!!!!!!   
Nozomi: A what?  
Nozomi's Grandma: An Arcade! These old limbs need some good activity. I figure an arcade would make me feel, ya know, more like a kid. So I won't dread on how soon I'm going to die. 

::A man overlooks the two::  
::He was an escaped prisoner from Yokosuka Prison::

Prisoner: Hehehe, an arcade? Wonderful idea!

::He carried a large bag of money on his back::  
::He runs into the Yokosuka Property Building and tosses the bag on the table::

Prisoner: I want to buy property for an arcade!  
Man: And what would you like to call it?

::The prisoner recognizes the man working there::  
::He was the man who sent him to prison:: 

Prisoner: YOU!  
Man: Alright. You Arcade it is.

::The prisoner jumps over the desk and tackles the man::

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ine-san: That's awful! Come in please. Make yourself at home.

::Nozomi walks in::

Nozomi: Thank you very much.

::Ryo walks by and spots Nozomi:: 

Ine-san: Oh Ryo-san, this is Nozomi. You might know her. She looks your age.  
Ryo-san:(Staring off in space) Do I.

::Nozomi looks at Ryo::  
::Ryo smiles and everything gets blurry:: 

"Nozomi's Bedroom" 

::It was a cold, gusty night::  
::The wind swept up into Nozomi's Room as she slept soundly and piecefully::  
::Ryo flys to the window post in a red cape and a blue outfit that had a big R on the front of it::   
::Nozomi wakes up and sees Ryo::

Nozomi:(jumping up in joy) MY HERO!!!!  
Ryo-san:(Squeeky Voice) Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellloooo!!!! Oh shit!

::The glass breaks::  
::Ryo clears his voice::

Ryo-san:(Deep, masculine voice) Well hello.  
Nozomi:(Lunging her arms at Ryo) Take me my Ryo The HERO!!!

::He flys down and takes her hands::  
::He lifts her up in the air and flys off into a wall::   
::Ryo falls::

Ryo-san: Owch. My powers are weak!  
Nozomi: You had to fly out the window my love.  
Ryo-san:(Shaking his head, trying to relieve himself of dizziness) Right! To the window!

::Ryo and Nozomi fly out and over Yokosuka::

Nozomi: Oh my God! We're actually flying!

::Ryo points up in the sky:: 

Ryo-san: Look at the moon! It's soooo beautiful.

::God turns around with a book in his hand labeled "Making Planets For Dummies" By. Doctor Phil.::

God: Don't mind me. That wasn't the moon. I'm just hovering here trying to make another planet.  
Ryo-san: OK GOD!

::Nozomi points to the left:: 

Nozomi: LOOK RYO! Factories. That must explain that smell.   
Ryo-san: That smell isn't the factories my love. I just farted. But it was for you.  
Nozomi:(Face turning red) Awwww! Your such a sweetheart!!!!

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Everything goes back to normal::

Ine-san: RYO-SAN!!!!!!!!  
Ryo-san: Uhhhhh... hey guys.  
Ine-san: I said say hi to this young woman.  
Ryo-san: Oh. Hi.

::He runs of quickly from embarassment::

"A few days later" 

::Nozomi and Ine-san are sitting alone together in a room:: 

Ine-san: Ok hun, now listen to me. I've been doing this my WHOLE life and believe me, I have experience.  
Nozomi: Well, ok, I mean I'm pretty experienced myself.  
Ine-san: Psh! Sweety, tell me how many guys you've picked up in the past, let's say, month! 

::Nozomi whispers the number into Ine-san's ear:: 

Ine-san:(Eyes widening) That's it!!!! Ok, you need training. Let me ask you something, have you ever sucked on real, mature breasts before?  
Nozomi:(Nervously) Ummmmm...

::Ine-san pokes her chest out and winks::

Ine-san: ONCE YOU HAVE SAGGY BREASTS YOU'LL NEVER GO BACK TO THE REST!!!!

::Nozomi runs out of the house::

Ine-san: COME BACK!!! I didn't mean to scare you!

"The Dojo" 

::Ryo enters at two::  
::A man is standing there with his back faced to Ryo and his head down, taking deep breathes::

Ryo-san: Father?   
Man:(Sounding like a clip from Star Wars) Yes. I am your father.   
Ryo-san:(Shrugging) Cool. So ummmm, let's get started?

::Man turns around and looks exactly like Iwao::

Iwao's Clone: Alright. I'm going to train you. So be discrete and respectful.   
Ryo-san: Oooookkkkk...


	10. Episode 10: Lan Di MOB BOSS!

Episode 10: S.I

"The Year 2007" 

::Yu Suzuki walks down into a basement covered with rats and water dripping from the ceiling::  
::He was holding a plate of the nastiest food you could ever imagine::  
::He came to a large, steal enclosed door and slid the tray under it::

Yu Suzuki: There you go my friends. Enjoy.

::Ryo-san ran up to the door from the other side and peaked his head through a tiny hole, just enough so his whole head could get through::

Ryo-san:(Angrily) You'll never get away with this Suzuki! We want our Shenmue 3! 

::Fuku-san runs up to the door shortly after::

Fuku-san: Y-Yeah! We're sick of sitting in here like animals!

::Terry sat down at a table playing chess with Iwao::  
::Terry moved his queen diagonally::

Terry: Checkmate.  
Iawo: Christ your good!  
Ryo-san:(Balling his fists) You'll never get away with this Yu!  
Yu Suzuki: God I love my job!

"Back in the day. 1979" 

::Ryo arrived home from school::  
::He was nervous and depressed about something::  
::Iwao sat back in a lazy boy chair with his feet up, snuggled in one of Ine-san's bathrobes, and the remote in one hand, tuning into some of his naughty time with the playboy channel::

Ryo-san:(From the door) Father!!!!

::Iwao got startled::  
::he snatched a vase full Ine-san's daisy's and poured the water from then on his crouch to make his overly miniture boner turn soft::

Iwao: Uhhmmm... yes son!?  
Father: I wet my pants again today and everyone picked on me at school.  
Iwao: Hahaha so did I son. 

::Iwao gets up and walks sort of crooked towards Ryo-san:: 

Iwao: Let me see son.

::Ryo-san moved his hands that covered his "Special" place::

Iwao: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!!!! We got another Great Lake up in here!   
Ryo-san:(Blushing) What should I do?  
Iwao: Hmmm, well I know that don't sell pampers at the Tomato Conveinience Store so...   
Ryo-san: I don't need pampers!! I'm a grown boy now!  
Iwao:(In a dull voice) Yeah, and I watch the Playboy channel. I mean come on, it's not gonna happen.

::Iwao made a few chuckles to reassure himself::

"That Night" 

::Ryo-san awoke in the middle of the night to get a drink of some warm Sake that he made earlier that day::  
::Suddenly, he spotted Fuku-san tip-toeing out the front door::

Ryo-san: There's something real fishy about the Fuku-san kid, and im bound to find out what. 

::Ryo finds a way around FUku-san on his bike somewhere in the bushes in Yokosuka::  
::Fuku walks into view::

Ryo-san: Hehehehe, let's just see where he's going shall we?

::He follows Fuku slowly down the street, turning and pretending he's looking at something everytime Fuku turned around::  
::Fuku arrives at a house::  
::Ryo continues to hide and waits::  
::A boy answers the door::

Fuku-san: Are you home alone?  
Boy: Yes. Pop just went out on a date. He should be gone all night.   
Fuku-san: Perfect.

::Fuku walks in::

Ryo-san: Ah ha! He's gay! I knew it! Just need proof!

::Ryo takes out a camera from his pocket::

Ryo-san: I'll sneak aroung the back. 

::Ryo hopes over a fence that leads to the back::  
::He sees a dranage pipe leading up to a room with a light on::  
::Ryo begins to climb::  
::He reaches the window and hops in::  
::He hears footsteps and people laughing from down the hallway::  
::Ryo quickly finds a closet to hide in::  
::Fuku-san walks in followed by Jimmie::  
::Fuku-san sits down at a chair with a small table in front of it and Jimmie sits down at another chair near the same table::

Fuku-san: Gimme a forty bag.  
Jimmie: I envy you. I got the best weed out there.

::Ryo-san begins to snap photos of the deal::

Ryo-san(Chuckling to himself) Hehehe.. this should be good.

::Fuku-san takes the bag from Jimmie and slips it into his pocket::  
::Suddenly three men in black suits fly through the windows and begin attacking Fuku-san and Jimmie::   
::One man in a black suit, who was already in Ryo's closet, pushes him from behind::  
::Ryo flys out the closet and suddenly everything goes dark::

"A mysterious Mansion in the middle of the woods" 

::Ryo woke up in front of a large table with the men in black suits::  
::They were all dressed in tuxedos and sunglasses with their cheeks bulged out like men do in the mafia::  
::"The Godfather" Theme Song was playing in the background::  
::A mysterious man with a dragon robe sat at the very end::

? Man: Welcome.  
Ryo-san:(Holding his head) W-Where am I?  
? Man: Your at the Chinese Mafia's mansion.   
Ryo-san: I'm in China?!

::All the men laughed::

? Man: No. Your still in Japan. Ya see, those little fools you were watching got their weed from us. They promised never to sell it. So we had to put them of their missery.  
Ryo-san: Riiiiiiiiiiiight and the catch?  
? Man: Follow me... oh, by the way, I'm Lan Di Sama.

::Ryo followed Lan Di out onto a balcony::  
::Before him was a massive, I mean massive, marjuana field with gardeners in between the lines of plants, raking and watering::

Ryo-san: This is unbelievable.  
Lan Di:... and it's all mine.

::Ryo and Lan Di walk down a staircase ade of gold and out a door to the field::

Ryo-san: How long did it take you to grow all of this?  
Lan Di: A few years. It's not a bad time either.  
Ryo-san: Shoooot, I can't even grow a shrub without getting bored. 

::Suddenly an F.B.I chopper flew over the field::

Lan Di: RUN!

::lan Di ran before Ryo::

Ryo-san: Lan Di wait!

::Suddenly the police begin to pull up to the mansion. At least seven cop cars::

One of Lan Di's men: It's a bust! Run!  
Ryo-san: FUCK! Lan Di wait!

::Ryo-san tryed to follw Lan Di through the field but soon lost contact with him::

One of Lan Di's men: Burn the field now!

::Gun shots were heard from inside the mansion::  
::Great trails of smoke were scene floating up into the air from the field::  
::the police ran out into the field and began tackling Lan Di's men::

Ryo-san: I have nothing to do with it! I'm Japanese!!!  
Police Officer: Get 'em!  
Ryo-san: Oh hell no...

::Ryo runs through the field as it got smokier and smokier the soon enough, he couldn't even find his way through because the field was so smokey from the burnt weed::   
::A few minutes later, Ryo made his way out the other side:: 

Ryo-san:(mellow voice) I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooo stoooooooooooonnnedddd!!!

::Lan Di came up from behind Ryo:: 

Lan Di: You! Kid! Do you have a place you and I can hide out at!?  
Ryo-san: Yeeeeaaahhh dude! My house!  
Lan Di: Let's go then! I'l lead the way outta here!

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo and Lan Di sit in Ryo's Room and waited until the heat of the police died down::

Lan Di: It was that Fuku-san kid that ratted us out. Wait 'til I find him.   
Ryo-san:(Still high) He'll be in deep trouble yo.

::Lan Di steps outside for a cigarette when he notices the little pondout front::  
::Lan Di starts to laugh mischieviosly::  
::Ryo walks out::

Lan Di: I have an idea.  
Ryo-san: What?

::Ryo looks over at the pond::

Ryo-san: You wouldn't?! You couldn't! How could you?  
Lan Di: Hhehe... watch me.

::Ryo and Lan Di make a big pipe leading up from the pond with an area ontop to rest the weed on and a large rope to smoke from leading out from th pipe::  
::At the pond end of the pipe, Lan Di drops a whole bag full of weed into it so it's resting at the top::  
::Lan Di and Ryo steal Iwao's blowtorch::

Lan Di:(With the end of the rope in his mouth) Light her up!

::Ryo blows a gigantic flame into the patch of weed::  
::The pond starts to bubble up::   
::Lan Di enhales and then starts to cough::

Lan Di:(While he's coughing) G-G-Godayum!!!!

::Ryo-san took his puff::   
::He blew it out like a soldier without coughing:: 

Ryo-san:(With cherry red eyes) I'm soooooooo gone.  
Lan Di: Hahahaha that's my ngg Ryo!  
Ryo-san: I love you Lan Di.


	11. Episode 11: Iwao's dreams crushed!

Episode 11: S.I.

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ryo-san: Do you ever talk?

::Fuku was silent::

Ryo-san: I wish you would talk to me. I know your not a mute.

::Fuku said nothing::

Ryo-san: This is pointless.

::Ryo turned his head::

Ryo-san:(Whispering) There's always ways to make people talk. I'll just ask father.. hehehe... he'll know what to do.

"Iwao's Bedroom" 

Iwao: Talk to me bitch!

::Iwao slaps Ine as they were making love::

Ine-san:(Sweating uncontrollably) IWAO! YOUR THE GREATEST! IWAO! YES IWAO!  
Iwao: Damn straight hoe!

"Late at Night"   
"The Outskirts of Yokosuka Prison" 

::Terry crawls through a dranage pipe with Pedro close behind::  
::They wore their orange Yokosuka Jail uniforms::   
::They had one big chain connected to both of their feet:: 

Pedro: Are you sure this was the absolute best way out?   
Terry: I have no idea. It's working though isn't it?  
Perdo: I think I have someone's shit log stuck in my shoe.  
Terry: Just imagine when you were young and you played in the mud.   
Pedro:(Resighting to himself) Playing in the mud when I was young. Playing in the mud when I was young. (Regaining himself) It's working Terry! It's working!  
Terry: Lower your voice. We're gonna get caught.

::Terry and Pedro fall out the other side of the pipe::  
::They run with their chained legs up a hill and onto a pitched black road::  
::A big ray of light cuts on, catching both of them in the spotlight::

Pedro: Ohhhhh maaaaayaaannn! We're caught now Terry! We're caught!  
Terry: Next time I have to tell you to shut up, I'm going to strangle you with this chain.

::A man walks out from the spotlight with an Ak-47 Machine Gun resting on his shoulder::  
::It was a Mexican!::

Pedro:(In rejoice) FAMILY!

Mexicans: GODZILLA!

::They point their guns at Pedro::

Terry: No! No! Stop! He's with me! He's just tall! That's all.  
Pedro:(Getting all sensetive about it) Why people be calling me Godzilla.  
Mexicans: Hop in holmes!

::Two vehicles were pull on the side of the street waiting for the two:: 

Terry: Amazing. Now we don't have to pull a suicide mission across the lake!  
Pedro: Nothing beats family.

::Terry and Pedro hop in the back of the truck::  
::The trucks drive off into the darkness::

"Dobuita" 

::Iwao walks through Dobuita the next evening with his hands full with groceries::  
::He had the biggest smile on his face::  
::He held his balls wih pride::  
::He was a new man::  
::When the barber shop workers would wave at him, he'd wave back:: 

Iwao:(Waving) I love you all!

::He spots two dogs making love on the street corner::

Iwao: That's it! Tap it good my fellow Shitzhu!

::Without expecting it for a second, Iwao spots something he never wanted to spot::  
::Ine-san steps off the bus with other man::  
::It was a buff man. Someone Iwao wouldn't dream of messing with::  
::Iwao's whole world shriveled before him::

Iwao: B-But... why?

::Iwao drops all of the groceries on the street and runs off sobing::  
::He runs into an alleyway and leans up against a wall, starting to cry::

Iwao: I thought I gave her the dick good! I THOUGHT I DID! NOOOOO!!! 

::Suddenly the sky turns cloudy, thunder is heard, then soon enough, rain begins to fall ontop of Iwao::

Iwao: Why me? WHY ME!!!!!

" A small mexican village, several miles away from Yokosuka Prison" 

::The two trucks, carrying Terry and Pedro, pull up to a large, steel gate::  
::A mexican with an Ak-47 stood above the gate to spot any intruders::   
::The drivers give the guard a thumbs up::  
::The gate soon opens and the trucks drive into the village::

Pedro:(Sniffing the air proudly) You smell that Terry. Home. Nowhere like it.  
Terry: Yeah yeah yeah. All I want is to get back to the harbor so I can ring Yada-san's neck once more.  
Pedro: All in good time Terry.

::The trucks come to a stop::  
::Pedro stands out of the truck::  
::All the little mexicans around him look up at him with fear:: 

Pedro:(Beating his chest like King Kong) ARRRGHHHH!!!! 

::All the mexicans flee from the scene in terror::

Pedro: I could get used to this.  
Terry: Your a fucking idiot that's what it is.  
Pedro:(Getting sensative again) Why you gotta be callin' a man an idiot?

"The Heartbeats Bar" 

::Iwao busts through the doors, drenched in water::  
::He looked like he'd been crying for hours::  
::He sits at the bar::

Bartender: Rough night?  
Iwao: Gimme the strongest shit you got.

::The bartender fetches Iwao a drink::

Bartender: This ones on the house.

::Iwao snatches it and drinks the whole glass in no time::

Iwao: Could I possibly get another house?  
Bartender: Hey hey take it easy.  
Iwao: My life sucks! EVERYONE AROUND ME SUCKS!!! Everything! Anyone! They can all go to hell!

::The bartender puts his hand on Iwao's shoulder::  
::Three big bikers stand up and surround Iwao, putting their hands on his shoulder as well::

Bartender:(In a baby voice) Tell us what's wrong.   
Iwao:(Kind of freaked out about the situation) W-Well... it's my woman. I caught her with another man.  
Bartender: Oh that whore! But don't worry, Detai-san right there caught his woman with the phone booth down the street.  
Detai-san:(Tearing up) I-I just thought she liked to talk on the phone a lot.  
Bartender: We all feel your pain.  
Iwao:(Drownding in his sorrow)But it's not nessasarily my woman ... it's the past!

::Everyone in the bar starts to sob::

Bartender:(Shaking his head) The past will do it to ya everytime. Why don't you tell us about it.  
Iwao:(Sniffling) W-Well... it all started back in 1971... when I lost the most beautiful girl ever...  
Bartender:(Turning into his alter ego) Are you sure it wasn't a guy? Hey... hey... hahahaha.  
Iwao: No... it was not.  
Bartender: Oh, well continue!  
Iwao: Anyways! It was 1971, and I can see it in my head as if it happened just yesterday...

"1971"   
On the open highway" 

::Iwao chilled::  
::He rode down the highway with a cliff to his right, overseeing the big, blue ocean::   
::He had the most well pruned afro you could imagine::  
::His arms rested on the side of his brand new 1965 red corvette, with the sunroof leaned back, and nothing in the world seemed to matter to him::  
::Soon enough, his radio cut on::

Voice from radio: Agent Hazuki! We have trouble!  
Iwao:(Sentual) Ohhhhh beeehave Buff Brotha from Anotha Motha!  
Buff Brotha: Actually, that was from the movie Austin Powers Agent Hazuki.  
Iwao: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyways, tickle my balls will ya Buff Brotha!   
Buff Brotha: Red Eye Whoopie has escaped from prison again and he's causing havoc down at the boat docks! He seems to be creating some sort of missle to wear it has it's own cockpit for him so he can control it and drive it anywhere he pleases. We believe he's going to try to blow up the sun!  
Iwao: The sun!? HE MUST BE STOPPED!  
Buff Brotha: Hurry Hazuki! Our agency and the rest of mankind rely on you!   
Iwao: Far out!

::Iwao drove towards the docks, locked and loaded::

"The Boat Docks"   
"Nighttime" 

::Iwao's car drove through the gates to the docks and drove into a warehouse::  
::Red Eye Whoopie's guards surround the car with their guns, stepping closer and closer to the car::  
::Suddenly, a puppet decoy of Iwao poped up out of the drivers seat::

Guard: Freeze Hazuki! We have you now!

::The guards laughed, clapping each others hands like they were all that::  
::Suddenly, a butt plug, holding the air into the puppet, flew off::  
::The puppet started to deflate::

Guard: It's a decoy!

::Iwao's corvette exploded, sending the guards flying into the air::  
::Iwao ran through the front gate and started to shoot::

Iwao: Hello jive turkays!

::He started to take all of the guards out one at a time::  
::One guard then shot a bullet through his afro::   
::Iwao fingered his way up to his fro and noticed the bullet hole::

Iwao: Oh hell no brotha!

::Iwao started to do a Michael Jackson dance as he took out the rest of the guards:: 

Iwao:(Blowing into his gun where the smoke came out) Don't mess with the fro.

::He walked into the first warehouse he saw and spotted the missle::

Iwao: I found-

::... no no wait... and Red Eye Whoopie..::

Iwao: Is that it? 

::... yes...::

Iwao: Good! Prepare to meet your- 

::... wait wait!!!...::

Iwao: Oh come on!

::... and Iwao's lovely bride!::

Iwao: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!   
Red Eye Whoopie: I have her now Hazuki! There's nothing you can do now!

::Red Eye Whoopie pushed the switch to ignite the missle::  
::He pushed Ryo's mother into the missle and pressed "Go!"::

Iwao: I'll deal with you later Whoopie! 

::Iwao took out his super hand sucker gloves and flung himself towards the missle, sucking himself onto it::  
::The missle exploded out of the top of the warehouse and towards the stars::  
::Ryo's mother ran up to the window of the missle and tryed to talk to Iwao but the missle was sound proof::

Iwao:(From the other side of the missle) Hold on! I'll get you out! Don't worry! I keep all sorts of things in my pants!

::Iwao yanked out a picture of another woman::

Iwao: Uhhh about that...

::Iwao pulled out a rocket launcher and shot at the window. It didn't work::   
::He pulled out several landmines, didn't work::

Iwao: I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!

::Ryo's mother kissed the window::  
::Iwao came close to the window and pulled out painting utensils::  
::He painted his face on the window::

Iwao: Now you can remember me forever baby! Even if your a frozen little ice cream bar!

::Iwao leaped off the missle::

"Back in 1979"   
Heartbeats Bar" 

Iwao:(Zoned out in the story)... and I never saw her again.

::The three bikers behind Iwao had tissues in their eyes::  
::One of them was blowing his nose::

Biker #1:(Crying his eyes ou) I LOVE SUSY!!!!!!

::He runs out the bar::

Bartender: So what happened with the missle? Wouldn't we be dead now if it actually hit the sun?  
Iwao: Actually, I'm not sure what happened to the missle. Some say it stayed up there in space. Others say that it came back down into the docks and killed everyone, including Red Eye Whoopie which kinda of explains how I never found him after that incident.  
Bartender: Well here son, have another drink.  
Iwao: No no NO! I don't need a drink!

::Iwao stands up::

Iwao: I don't need a drink and melt in my sorrow! I need tuffness!  
Bikers: YEAH!  
Iwao: Strength at heart!  
Bikers and Bartender: YEAH!   
Iwao: Someone hit me!  
Bikers: Huh?  
Iwao: I WANT TO BE HIT RIGHT NOW! RIGHT IN THE JEWELS! And say,"Iwao! Why did you have to be such a bitch!" Do it now!

::The bikers look at each other::

Bikers: Oooookkkk...

::One bikers smashes a bar stool against Iwao's balls::  
::Iwao falls to the floor but still has full awareness of whats going on::

Iwao: You call that a hit?! HIT ME! I'M A MAN! NOT A BOY!

::A biker took a chair and hit it upside Iwao's head::  
::Iwao passes out:: 

Bartender: Uhhhh...  
Bikers: uhhhh...

::The bartender and the bikers slowly exit the bar, leaving Iwao uncontious on the floor::  
////////////////////////////////////////////////// 


	12. Episode 12: Lord of the Mirrors

Episode 12: S.I. 2

Enjoy everybody.

"Phantom Riverstone Cave. 1970" 

Shenhua's father: It is done...

::He carves the last string of the Pheonix Mirror::

Shenuha's father: It is so beautiful.

"Under the Shenmue Tree" 

::Shenhua's mother sits, rocking baby Shenhua in her arms:: 

Shenhua's mother: So cute. I'm the luckiest girl ever. 

::Shenhua's father walks past, ignoring her, walking towards the house::

Shenhua's father:(Whispering to himself) Yeah... "I'm"... where's the we're? She thinks that baby's all hers. It came from my body too.

"That Night"   
"Shenhua's House" 

::Shenhua's father sits in bed with both the dragon and the pheonix mirrors:: 

Shenhua's father:(Talking to the pheonix mirror) So... gorgeous... so... beautiful... so... I don't even know. Your just amazing.

::His hand holding the dragon mirror shakes:: 

Shenhua's father:(Glancing over at the dragon mirror) Oh yes. And you too.

::Shenhua's mother listens in from outside the bedroom door::  
::She thinks of an entrance line quick so she wouldn't be suspicious::

Shenhua's mother:(Walking into the room) Just watching a re-run of our wedding day.

::Shenhua's father turns over, hiding the two mirrors quickly::

Shenhua's father:(To himself) Again... what's she on? Once was enough for me.   
Shenhua's mother: Then I had to put little Shenhua to bed. She's quirky tonight.

"The Next Day"   
"Phantom Riverstone Cave" 

::Shenhua's father sits tightly in a small, dark corner with his two new friends, the mirrors:: 

Shenhua's father:(Sounding suprised) Kill her? I couldn't do that!

::He stares off into the distant::

Shenhua's father:(Lifting his eyebrow) Or could I? It would be so easy. I could... toss little Shenhua down the well. Then, I could chop up her no good, thinking Shenhua's all hers, cheating mother of hers with a meat clever. It would be the plan of the century. Or, I could lead her blindfolded to the top of the waterfall and drop her off. I'll just recollect to her,"Remember sweety when I proposed to you?" Get her all buttered up to where she wouldn't think about her unexpected, horrific death that was about to capture her! YES! YES!!!!

::He stands up and lifts his arms in the air:: 

Shenhua's father: YES!!!!!!!!!

::The dragon mirror falls and hits the ground::  
::Shenhua's father falls to the ground and cuddles with it::

Shenhua's father: Oh I'm so sorry! Forgive me!

"Shenhua's House" 

Shenhua's mother: We're going to see a psychologist. Your not right in the head.  
Shenhua's father: Your not right at all. Even in bed.  
Shenhua's mother: Can we please be civililized about this! How do you think Shenhua is going to turn out when she grows up with her parents talking like that?!

::Shenhua's father thinks about Shenhua's death and almost gives it away, but then thinks about the "STEALTH" part of the plan::

Shenhua's father:(Smiling) She'll be a perfect angel.

"Psychologist Meeting" 

::Shenhua's mother and father sat in a chair around a circle of other individuals having the same problems:: 

Psychologist: So, tell us what's wrong?

::Shenhua's father whips out a cigarette and lights it, taking out the two mirrors and blowing the smoke towards them::  
::Shenhua's mother slaps him on the knee::

Shenhua's father: What on a gray moons penis are you doing?!  
Shenhua's mother: We're in group!   
Shenhua's father: And I'm in denial! Why am I even here?!   
Shenhua's mother: Annnyways... uhhmmm... ya see, he's been... well, talking to himself.  
Psychologist: Ahhhh, big problem in today's society.  
A random man in the group: Charlie and I do that too! Isn't that right Charlie boy?  
Charlie: Right on daddy! 

::Randomly, Charlie and his father take out random puppets and start singing::

Charlie and his father:(Singing) We're too puppet's small and meek, the peace of the world we shall seek...   
Psychologist: No no no... remember what I told you two, you cannot be in the circus.

::They keep singing::

Shenhua's father: That's really irritating...

::They keep singing:: 

Shenhua's father: That's sooooo aggravating...

::They keep singing::

Shenhua's father: DIE!!!!!!!!!

::He lunges in the air, knocks Charlie out his seat, and starts to choke him::

Shenhua's mother: Oh dear!  
Shenhua's father: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

::Charlie's puppet flys off his hand::

Charlie:(While being choked) Daddy! Piglet's going back to the farm!  
Charlie's father:(Not even caring about Charlie) That's right son. Little goose is waiting for him. Hehehe. 

::Shenhua's father loses the two mirrors from his hands:: 

Shenhua's father:(Letting go of Charlie) Dragon... pheonix...?!?!?!

::He looks around frantically::  
::He sees a gothic guy from the group smoking crack and using the two mirrors as an ashtray::

Shenhua's father: NOOOO!!!!

::He tackles the crack smoking guy::

Crack guy: MY CRACK!!!! 

::Suddenly a random woman from the group stands up and rips her shirt off::

Woman:(Screaming) I'm a lesbian!!!!!!!   
Psychologist:(The only one still calm) Yes... ummm... I'm proscribing ALL of you with sleeping medication and maybe a recomended visit to your NEAREST mental institution as soon as possible.

"That Night" 

::Shenhua's father sneaks Shenhua out of the house and down the dirt road towards the well::

Shenhua's father: It's alright sweety pie. This is for your best.

::He zones out::

Shenhua's father:(In a trance) This is for the mirrors...

::He comes across the well and holds Shenhua over it::

Shenhua's father: Take your plunge proud my young one. It'll be over before you know it.

::He closes his eyes and lets Shenhua go::

Shenhua's father:(Clapping his hands together) Ahhhh... now that that little rat's gone where's a bar around here when a man needs one. Ancient China sucks.

::A big light appears from the well::  
::Shenhua floats out of the well, still wrapped in her blanket::

Shenhua's father:(Confused) I need to stop drinking...  
Shenhua:(While floating in gold) What are you doing daddy?  
Shenhua's father: Well, I WAS killing you.  
Shenhua: You cannot kill me. I'm propechy. I'm suppose to rise up with a man from the east and we shall venture across the lands together.  
Shenhua's father:(Still confused) Riiiiiiiiight.  
Shenhua: Don't you see father! The Dragon and the Pheonix mirrors have twisted your mind! Your no longer the same person! Toss them father, right off the cliff. As of now!   
Shenhua's father: B-But, I was consumed by them...  
Shenhua: You were also a major dick to that Charlie kid back in rehab.   
Shenhua's father: It wasn't rehab!!!! It was... "special" attention.  
Shenhua: You clearly need help father. Toss the mirrors. Now.  
Shenhua's father: How do you know I have them on me?  
Shenhua: I have X-Ray Vision now. I can see. And damn no wonder the Ms's is unhappy.  
Shenhua's father: Well...

::He pulls out the two mirrors::

Shenhua's father: I'll always love you two. Forever, and ever, and ever.  
Shenhua: Alright this isn't no damn fairy tale toss 'em already!

::Shenhua's father tosses the two mirrors off the cliff::

"That same year. A few months later" 

::Lan Di finds the mirrors::  
::He was consumed::  
::He lost all of his weight and was put on the cover of "China's Most Sexiest Bachelor's. Lan Di Sexiama"::  
::He quit his job at the Freak Show down the street and found money otherwise::  
::Soon enough, the mirrors abandoned him::

Dragon Mirror: Yeah, fuck this trick, I think we're gay because we hang around with too many guys.  
Pheonix Mirror: True. Let's leave.

"1971. China"   
"Chai's House" 

::Chai was a well rounded guy::  
::He looked very good::  
::And he modeled...:: 

Chai:(Reviewing his modeling pictures from the day) Oh yes, I'm a sexy beast. Mmmmm. Gimme it tiger. Hehehe. Rawr! Hehe... 

::His phone rings::

Chai:(Answering) Yeeeessss?  
Man: Is this Chai?  
Chai: You called the one and only? Who else would it be!  
Man: We wanted to know if you'd play the part of the next James Bond. Sean Connery just got too obsessed with the 50's and we never saw him again.  
Chai: That's alright. I'm fine. You know why? (Chai goes into a bizzare DJ'ing musical) Because I'm too sexy for you. Too sexy for your movie. Too sexy for you!

::Chai hangs up::

Chai: I love my life!

::The lights go out::  
::A disco ball cuts on from the cieling::  
::Hot strippers come out from the side::  
::Chai dances with the strippers::

Chai: Hit it Ray!  
Ray Charles:(On the piano.Singing from the side) Can ya hear me mom! Well I'm in neeeeEEEEeeeddd...!

"The Next Day" 

::Chai's brother stands outside of his house with a fishing pole in his hand and a six pack of beer in the other::

Chai: Chai! Wake your lazy butt up it's Saturday!

::Chai opens the window from upstairs and sticks his head out::

Chai: I don't feel like fishing today bro. I have a hangover from hell you don't even know.  
Chai's brother: Oh you stick in the mud! Come on! It'll be fun! I got some beer we can sip on and I got good news but I want my bestest brother in the world to hear it first!  
Chai: Uhhh ok, I'll be out in a minute.

::Chai closes the window on Ray Charles head who was passed out on the windowseal::

Ray Charles:(Hung over) You see why I went blind!

"The Lake" 

::Chai and his brother sit in a little, wooden boat together sipping on some beer and fishing::

Chai's brother: I have good news brother.  
Chai: Geico?  
Chai's brother: No you idiot. That's so the 21st century.  
Chai:(Scratching his head) Ohhhhh... hmmm...  
Chai's brother:(Like a ditzy cheerleader) I'm getting a modeling contract!  
Chai:(Turning into his alter ego) WHAT?!

::Chai hits his brother in the face and then starts pounding his face on the side of the boat::

Chai: I-I'm the sexiest man in the family! ME! ONLY ME! I only model fuckface!!!  
David Hasslehauf: Actually, I am the sexiest. 

::Hasselhauf licks the tip of his index finger and drags it down his chest::  
::He makes orgasm sounds::

Chai and his brother:(Pausing their actions) Riiiiiight.

::They go back to normal::

Chai's brother:(While being choked) But I thought you'd be proud of me!  
Chai: Proud! I'm mad that I even came out the same pussy as you!! DIIIIEEE!!!!!

::For some odd reason, both of them end up off the boat and in the water::

Chai: DROWNED!!!!

::Chai pulls his brother to the bottom of the lake::  
::He notices two mirrors, the dragon and the pheonix::   
::He picks them up and starts smashing them upside his brothers head::  
::Chai's brother breaks away and ends up on the shore::   
::Chai follows behind quickly like a bug and tackles him:: 

Chai: Why?! WHY BROTHER?!  
Chai's brother:(Acting like nothing happened) Here! Take a look at my pictures that got me the contract!

::Chai shuffles through the pictures, making him only madder::

Chai: ARRRGHHH!!!!

::Chai starts to choke his brother again, accidentally killing him out of anger::   
::Chai gets up, not even regretting what he had done::  
::At that time, he notices the two mirrors sitting upshore::

Chai: What on earth?

::He picks up the two mirrors, and it wasn't long that he was consumed by the mirrors power::

"A dark cave in the middle of nowhere" 

::Chai was banished from his family::  
::He was consumed too much by the mirrors::  
::He left his neighborhood and family for new grounds::   
::It was then that he found his dark cave where he rotted himself skinny with his two bitches, the mirrors::

"Lan Di's Shack" 

Lan Di: I'm ruined!  
Chow: Snap out of it Lan Di!  
Lan Di: The mirrors were my life. They had an evil side to them that I enjoyed. I could taste their fury!  
Chow: It's alright. Our lives aren't that bad.

::Lan Di and Chow sit on a couch from the flee market down the street in baggy civilian clothes in a Beavis and Butthead looking room::

Lan Di: I just had an amazing revalation!! We make a group to find those mirrors, and dear God, we will!  
Chow: How will we recruit? We were losers in High School Lan Di.  
Lan Di: Your right. We were. Blast it! Chow, get the black book!  
Chow: Not the black book... 

::Lan Di nodds his head michieviously::

Lan Di: Yes...

::Chow opens a drawer and takes out a small black book::  
::He flips through the pages::

Chow:(Reading from the book like he had read it a MILLION times in the past) Jip?  
Lan Di: Too dorky.  
Chow: Jab?  
Lan Di: Too slow.  
Chow: Jipjabbajoo?  
Lan Di: No. That was a song I was trying to write during English class. It was too dorky and too slow.  
Chow: I know for the millionth time. That's why I said,"Not the black book..." We need lives Lan Di.

::Chow shuts the book:: 

Chow: We're failures Lan Di Sama.  
Lan Di: Never say fail. We make a commercial!

::Lan Di stands up and puts his hand in the air and scrolls it in front of himself like he's presenting something::

Lan Di:(Resighting his idea) HUNT for the mysterious mirrors. Reward offered!  
Chow: But we have no money. 

::Lan Di looks over at his little poodle::  
::The poodle runs off::

Lan Di:(Plopping back on the couch) Damn it all to hell! Oh well, who's up for pizza!

::Lan Di raises his hand:: 

Chow: I got it!  
Lan Di: Shoot.  
Chow: We pretend like we're sucessful business men and offer a BIG reward to however helps find the mirrors.  
Lan Di: I'm hating this idea already.  
Chow: Like, the tux's and the big black hats and all that good stuff.  
Lan Di: So your telling me, we need to play off being rich and sucessful human beings to offer a sucessful reward in which we don't have and probably will never in our hopeless, poor lives, achieve?  
Chow: Exactly!  
Lan Di: I'm a lazy man...

::Chow looses determination::

Lan Di:... but you got yourself a partner!!! 

::Chow and Lan Di clap hands::

"Man Mo Clothing Store" 

::The alarm cuts on::  
::Police arrive and see that the main glass is shattered::

"The Next Day"   
"A Street Fight" 

::Two fighters fight::  
::Lan Di and Chow stand in the crowd straight with sunglasses, tuxedo's and big hats like the Monopoly guy::  
::One of the fighters takes a kick to the crouch but remains standing::   
::Lan Di and Chow look at each other and nodd their heads sucessfully::

"Another Street Fight" 

::A brawny man picks up an aquarium and drops it on a helpless man who was trying to get some spare cash for his little boy::  
::Lan Di and Chow look at each other::  
::They nodd sucessfully:: 

"Yuanda Zhu's Nuclear Safety Tested Hole" 

Yuanda Zhu: I'll always be prepared in case of a Nuclear Bomb!  
Kids from outside: Watch out! There's a bomb!

::Yuanda Zhu falls to the floor::  
::The kids laugh and run off::

Yuanda Zhu: You little kids think it's funny! But I'll be at your funeral when your eyes and guts have been fried out from radiation!!!! 

::There was a knock at the door::

Yuanda Zhu: Who is it?  
? Man: Housekeeping...

::Yuanda Zhu answers the door::  
::The man is a giant!::  
::He hits Yuanda Zhu upside his head with his stick::

Giant man: Hahaha your a dumbass!   
Yuanda Zhu: Handjaulf!!!!!

::They both hug:: 

Handjaulf:Are you ready to go on an advanture little one?   
Yuanda Zhu: Certainly. Lemme get my things.   
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 


	13. Episode 13: The Hazuki Dojo!

Episode 13: S.I.2

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ryo-san: Father?  
Iwao: Yes?  
Ryo-san: Where do babies come from?  
Iwao: Why do you ask?  
Ryo-san: Curious.  
Iwao: Well son, there's this bird called a stork and-   
Ryo-san: Father father, I know that's not true. It's just like all that Easter Bunny and Santa Clause bullcrap.  
Iwao: Hahahaha, what I meant was, humanity comes from nature.  
Ryo-san: Babies come from nature?  
Iwao: Y-Yes! The trees, the dirt...  
Ryo-san: So we're like dirt?  
Iwao: Technically, yes.

::A little girl sneaks in the front door behind Iwao and into Ryo's bedroom:: 

Iwao: Listen closely son, when a man in a woman get... I'm trying to find the best way to explain this.  
Ryo-san: (Patting Iwao on his shoulder) It's ok father, maybe when I'm older?  
Iwao: That's my boy!

"Ryo's Room" 

Ryo-san: God he won't ever shut up.  
Little girl: Hehehe. So you ready to study?  
Ryo-san: I was thinking more on the lines of house.   
Little girl: Oh! Like, your the husband and I'm a wife.

::Ryo smirks::

Ryo-san: Exactly.

"Iwao's Room" 

Iwao: I bought some things from the store.  
Ine-san: Like what?

::Iwao reaches into his bag and pulls out a long, black haired wig::

Iwao: Put that on.

::Ine-san fits it on::

Iwao: Perfect! Now ummm...

::He reaches back into his bag and pulls out a pair of breast inplants:: 

Iwao:(Blushing) Uhhh... hehehe... how'd they get in there?   
Ine-san: What's going on Iwao! Are you implying that I'm not sexy!?  
Iwao: Of course you are! Why do you think I haven't killed you yet?!  
Ine-san: This isn't making any sense!

::Ine-san spots a picture of Ryo's mother::  
::The wig went perfectly with her appearence::

Ine-san: You want me to look more like her!   
Iwao: Are you kidding me?!  
Ine-san: I'm sorry I'm not as fergalicious as she is!  
Iwao: Why even try!

::Iwao storms out of the room::

Ine-san: Your cut off tonight Iwao!   
Iwao:(Storming down the hallway) GOOD!  
Ine-san: And no more breakfast in the morning either!  
Iwao: GOOD!  
Ine-san: That includes role playing late at night TOO!!!!  
Iwao: GREAT! FINE! WONDERFUL!

"Iwao's Room" 

::Ryo peaked into the doorway::  
::Ine-san was on the bed crying:: 

Ryo-san: Ine-san? Can I talk to you?  
Ine-san:(Sniffling) S-Sure.

::Ryo walks in and shuts the door behind him:: 

Ryo-san: I heard you and father arguing.  
Ine-san: He's such a dick!  
Ryo-san: I know this isn't gonna make anything better, but he really loved my mom.  
Ine-san: I'm sorry I can't match up to her...  
Ryo-san: Well...

::Ryo feels on Ine-san's face::

Ryo-san: With MUCH work, I think we can work something out.  
Ine-san: What do you have in mind?

"Dobuita Park" 

Jock: Get out of here shrimp!

::The jocks gave a little kid a little jump and scared him off::

Jock: HAHAHAHAAH!!!

::Ryo walks up to the entrance with his friend Han::  
::The jocks buck at him::

Jock: What you want punk!   
Ryo-san: What you think?! This is OUR park too PUNK!

::Ryo crosses his arms::

Ryo-san: And we aint leavin'!

::He spots Nazomi hanging out on the slide with a few of her girlfriends:: 

Jocks: OHHHHHH!!! You gonna take that?!

::The jock walks up to Ryo, looking down at him with a mean look::

Jock: If you don't leave, I'm gonna have to smash your nerdy face into the ground!  
Ryo-san: Do it then! But I'm not leaving! This is all wayyyyyy uncool.

::Nozomi smiles at Ryo::  
::Butterflies start to fly in front of her face::  
::Ryo zones out at her::   
::Suddenly he sees a fist fly towards his face::  
::Everything goes black::

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo walks around to the dojo::  
::He sees Iwao ontop of the dojo, nailing in a sign::  
::The sign read "The Hazuki Dojo. School of Martial Arts"::

Ryo-san: Father...  
Iwao: WHAT?!?!  
Ryo-san: Sorry. God.  
Iwao: I'm sorry son. I've just had a lot on my mind lately. What is it?

::Ryo removes the ice pack from his right eye::

Iwao: That doesn't look good. Did you get in a fight with those jocks again?  
Ryo-san: They were trying to take control of Dobuita Park! Again! And I got punched, again! I need to learn how to fight father! Please, teach me!  
If not that, at least let me join this school your making here.  
Iwao: What is a jock son?  
Ryo-san: A bully.  
Iwao: And what is a bully?  
Ryo-san: A bully is, well, a bully!  
Iwao: That's right, just as a parent is a parent. A bully is nothing more than a bully.  
Ryo-san: Your making no sense father.  
Iwao:(To himself) I suck at this lecturing shit. (He raises his voice) Of course you can join son! But, it will cost you.  
Ryo-san: My own father is making me pay to join his school?! By the way, I haven't seen your work YET father! What's going on?  
Iwao: Pay or no martial arts. You'll be coming home with black eyes EVERYDAY.   
Ryo-san: Fine! I'll pay! How much?!  
Iwao: Two thousand YEN. 

::Ryo runs off::

Iwao: Hahahaha. That little brat will never get the money.

"Ryo's Room" 

::Ryo takes out his piggy bank::

Ryo-san:(Counting) One hundred... two hundred... eight hundred... arrgggghh!! I only have nine hundred YEN! So much for my life savings. I suck at this. Father will reconsider.

::Ine-san peaks into the room:: 

Ine-san: Ryo! How do I look?

::She pokes her chest out::

Ine-san: They're two cup sizes bigger!  
Ryo-san: Perfect! As weird as I may feel saying this, your starting to look more like mom!  
Ine-san: Perfect! After my day at the hair salon with my fellow prostitutes I will continue! Thanks Ryo! I owe you big time!

::Ryo gives her a thumbs up::

"The Dojo"   
"The Grand Opening of the Hazuki Dojo" 

::Iwao stands in front of the dojo with a long black piece of tape running across the closed doors::  
::The tape read "Grand Opening"::

Mother: Hello Mr. Hazuki. Please take care of William for me. He's a hellion but I;m sure you'll be able to control him.

::William pulls out a plastic handgun and starts to shoot Iwao::

William: BANG BANG!  
Iwao: Hahahaha! Well I'm sure we'll get along just fine!

Mother: We went over some ground rules this morning so he should be fine.

::The mother walks off and leaves William::  
::Several mother mothers walk up and leave their kids in Iwao's company::

Iwao: Oh we'll just be fine! Don't you parents worry a bit!

::The kids stand before Iwao::

Iwao: Shall we enter then?!

::Iwao cuts the grand opening tape with a pair of scissors and kicks the dojo doors in::

"Ryo's Room" 

Ryo-san: Eleven hundred more YEN. What am I gonna do?!

::He thinks of the jocks::

Ryo-san: Hehehehe...

"Yokosuka Middle School" 

::While the jocks were at their football game, Ryo sneaks into the locker rooms and steals all of the YEN out of their pockets::

Ryo-san:(Shuffeling the Yen in his hands) I'm rich bitch!

::He goes to sneak out when he hears a familiar voice::

Ryo-san:(Dazed) Nozomi...

::He sneaks towards the voice and sees the cheerleaders shower room::   
::He peaks his head around the corner and sees Nozomi gossiping with a few of her lady cheerleading friends::

Nozomi: Hahaha so like, Brett, he's soooo hott!!!

::Her friends laugh:: 

Nozomi's Friend: What about Wasoy, he's sexy too!  
Ryo-san: Say what about Ryo-san. Say what about Ryo-san.  
Nozomi: Do you remember that little kid that got beat up at the park?

::Ryo's eyes widen::

Ryo-san: Say my name... say my name...  
Nozomi's friends: Ewwww that weirdo!  
Nozomi: Too bad I don't know his name. It would be a funnier story to tell to the rest of my friends tommorow. Hehehe.

::All the girls laugh::

Ryo-san: Hahahaha, real funny Nozomi.

::Ryo hears footsteps behind him::  
::He turns around::  
::The jocks from the park stood behind him::

Ryo-san: Ohhhhh shit.

::Ryo's sees a fist fly towards his face::  
::Everything goes black::

"Ryo's Room" 

Ryo-san: They stole all their YEN back including my nine hundred! That's it! I've had it up to here!

"The Dojo" 

::Ryo bangs on the doors::  
::Iwao cracks the door open::

Iwao: Well hello son.  
Ryo-san: Father! I'm coming in!

::Ryo opens the door::  
::Iwao resists:: 

Iwao: Wait wait a minute! Do you have the YEN?  
Ryo-san: No I dont have your stupid YEN! I wanna learn how to fight! NOW! If you don't let me in father, I'm going to have to bust the door down.   
Iwao: Are you kidding me?! You?  
Ryo-san: You've never had any faith in me father! Now, I'm going to have to show you my true strength!

::Ryo backs up and charges for the door::  
::He knocks Iwao on his back and busts one of the doors down::

Iwao: Holy hell!!!!  
Ryo-san: Wow. I can't believe I just did that. 

::Ryo regains his conciousness and realizes what's in the dojo::

Ryo-san:(Shocked) I cannot believe this...

::Ping Pong tables, Billard tables, Beer Kegs intitling: "Never grow old! Stay a Kid!" and the song "Don't You Want Me Baby?" playing in the background::  
::Iwao wore a shirt saying "Who's Your Daddy?!"::

Ryo-san: What are you doing to these kids father?!  
Iwao: I just wanted to have fun! OK?! I got so down about your mother that having fun was all I could think of!  
Ryo-san: How much money did you make of this gig?  
Iwao: About twelve thousand YEN.  
Ryo-san: For one day?  
Iwao: One day!  
Ryo-san: Consider me your partner.

::Ryo and Iwao shake hands:: 

Iwao: Your on, but you can't tell anyone about this.   
Ryo-san: As long as you teach me the Hazuki Style that I've read and heard alllll about.

::Iwao shakes Ryo's hand again but this time with great uncertainty::

Iwao: Deal.   
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


	14. Episode 14: Ryo's promotion

Episode 14: S.I. 2

"Dobuita" 

::Ryo had a stand posted outside of Lapis Fortune Teller::   
::He had brochures to promote the Hazuki Dojo for Iwao:: 

Ryo-san: Join the Hazuki Dojo! Learn Martial Arts! You know you wanna do it! Step right up!

::People continues with their normal lives::  
::Ryo picks up a phone he had in the stand:: 

Ryo-san:(In the phone) You know what to do...

::A little boy walks in front of the stand::  
::A bully comes out of nowhere and starts to steal his lunch money::

Bully: Gimme it pussy!  
Little Boy: Someone help me! Someone! Help!

::The bully knocks one in the boys jaw and runs off::  
::The little boy runs off crying::

Ryo-san:(Smirking) Such a shame.

::A worryed mom walks up to Ryo::

Mom: Oh my... did you see that little boy?! How scared he was!  
Ryo-san: Lemme guess... you have a little boy that has the same problem.  
Mom: How'd you know?! 

::Ryo holds a brochure out::

Ryo-san: Take it. Call the Hazuki Residence.  
Mom: Oh your a life savior!

::The mom takes a brochure::

Mom: I will definately call! Thank you!

::The mom walks off::  
::The little boy who just got beat up walks up behind Ryo::

Little boy: Coins?

::Ryo pays the boy::

Ryo-san: I can get used to this.

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Iwao lays back in a chair outside::   
::Fuku stands next to him::  
::A tuff boy opens the gate and walks before Iwao::

Tuff Boy: Hey! I want in the dojo!  
Iwao: Are you talking to muah?  
Tuff Boy: Man who you think you are?! I'm here with YEN and you won't let me in!  
Iwao:(Snapping his fingers) Fuku-san, get this reject out of here.

::Fuku walks up to the boy and siezes him by his arm and drags him off the property::  
::Iwao takes his margerita and starts to sip:: 

Iwao:(In relief) Ahhhhhh.

"Dobuita" 

::Ryo continues in his easy process to sell brochures for Iwao::  
::Another act takes place in front of the stand where a little kid, this time, gets beat up for a pair of his boots:: 

Ryo-san: There's gonna be a lot of injured kids today.

::In the breeze of the wind, Nozomi walks by::  
::Ryo zones out on her::  
::She stops in front of the stand and whips her hair across her face::  
::Ryo takes deep breaths::

Ryo-san: This is it Hazuki. Don't be a little bitch.

::Ryo walks off the stand and walks towards Nozomi::  
::A bike news carrier rides past him and almost hits him::  
::Ryo evades and continues::   
::Watermellons are spilt at his feet::  
::He trips up but continues, gaining closer to Nozomi::  
::A croud of joggers run in front of him::  
::Ryo trys to get around them, but can't::  
::He looks over their shoulders to see if Nozomi is still there:: 

Ryo-san: Oh come on! Get out of my way!

::The joggers pass::  
::Nozomi is gone::

Ryo-san: My luck...

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo walks in after a long day of giving out brochures::

Ryo-san: Father!

::The house was quiet::  
::Fuku walks past for a night on the town::

Ryo-san: Where do you think your going?

::Fuku is silent::

Ryo-san: Answer me! Please!

::Fuku turns around and smiles::  
::He points to his dick and starts to hump the air::

Ryo-san: Oh God...

::Fuku walks out::  
::Iwao passes by for a night on the town::

Ryo-san: Father? Where's Ine-san?  
Iwao: A night out with the friends.  
Ryo-san: I just wanted to tell you that I sold like a bazillion brochures today  
Iwao: Wonderful! Keep up the good work son!

::Iwao turns to open the door:: 

Ryo-san: Father...  
Iwao:(Nervously) Yes?  
Ryo-san: I get my first lesson of Martial Arts tommorow. You promised last week.   
Iwao: Of course. Tommorow night it is.  
Ryo-san: Well shouldn't we practice when it's light outside? It'd make it easier on you.  
Iwao: Certainly! Tommorow afternoon it is.  
Ryo-san: Tommorow morning!  
Iwao: Yeah... sure...

::Iwao walks out::  
::He shuts the door behind him::

Iwao: Boy am I fucked.

"The Next Morning"   
"Ryo's Room" 

::The alarm goes off bright and early::  
::Ryo could hear the birds chirping outside::  
::He streches happily:: 

Ryo-san: Today I will become a man.

"Outside of the Hazuki Residence"   
"Under the Cherry Tree" 

::The blossoms fell slowly, kind of depicted Iwao's mood at that current moment::  
::Iwao drank a bottle of Jack Daniels::  
::His hands shook::  
::He heard footsteps::   
::He tosses the bottle over the fence::  
::Ryo appeared from behind in his karate suit from third grade::

Ryo-san: I've been waiting my whole ten years of my life for this moment Father...   
Iwao: Hahahaha! So you have.

::Iwao turns around:: 

Iwao: Uhhmmm... first things first...  
Ryo-san:(Puts his fists up) Yes! Be one with nature!  
Iwao: Not quite...

::Iwao hands Ryo a two hundred page manual::  
::It was intitled "The Hazuki Style. Passed down by generations"::

Iwao: Read. Study. Observe.  
Ryo-san: You've gotta be kidding me!  
Iwao: Not until you get the knowledge can you learn the movements my little one.  
Ryo-san: Riiiiiiiiiiight.

"Yokosuka Middle School" 

Teacher: It's show and tell time!

::Ryo held The Hazuki Style Manual in his hand proudly::

Nozomi: I wanna be a teacher. I brought all these teaching materials I would love to show yal...

::Minutes went by, and another student went up::

Cho: I wanna be a Martial Artist!

::He shows this manual to the class::

Cho: I got it at the dollar store for a cheap price but it's amazing!

::He reads from page 33::

Cho:(Reading) Strike your opponant wisely. No thought in mind but the power in your fist...

::Ryo gets curious and switches to page 33 in the Hazuki Style Manual::  
::Ryo read along, word for word::

Ryo-san: Oh hell no.

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo storms through the doors and into Iwao's Room::

Ryo-san: Father! This is bullshit!  
Iwao: RYO! WATCH YOUR MOUTH!  
Ryo-san: Sorry... but you just changed the book cover! Everyone had it in class! It's from the Dollar Store!   
Iwao: Fine! Alright! Want to see the real one?  
Ryo-san: If there is one!

::Iwao opens his desk drawer and hands Ryo another manual::

Iwao:(Winking) This is it son.   
Ryo-san:(Reading the cover) How to make Whoopie? For out of this world orgasms?

::Iwao snatches the manual::

Iwao: Hehehe... ooops. College days son. You will understand one day.   
Ryo-san:(Breaking Iwao's sensual ego) FATHER!  
Iwao: Well Ine-san was impressed!

::Iwao pulls out the REAL manual::   
::Ryo snatches it::

Ryo-san: Are you sure this is it?   
Iwao: On my mothers grave.  
Ryo-san: B-But, grandma was sent out to sea... father.  
Iwao: Just read it!  
Ryo-san: I will! Thanks so much father!

::Ryo flees from the room:: 

Iwao:(Falling on his bed like he had just worked out for hours) Why did I ever reproduce?

"Hair Salon" 

::Ine-san sits under a hair dryer reading a magazine with her other hooker friends::

Ine-san:... and the best part is, he bought me a ring.

::She shows the ring off to her friends:: 

Ine-san: Twenty-two carrots to be exact.  
Hooker Friends: Wow! Your so lucky. I wish I knew what it was like to be in love.   
Ine-san: It's great. I simply get everything I want.  
Hooker Friends: Geez. The Hazuki Dojo your mans got goin' is popular in Yokosuka now.  
Ine-san: He's great. Among other things too. 

::She and her feiends laugh::  
::A couple pimps walk into the door::

Pimps: Hello ladies.  
Hooker Friends: Get out of here PIMPS!  
Pimps: Hello Ine-san.

::The pimps lick their lips::

Pimps: Remember the good times we had. 

::Ine-san stands up and kicks the pimps in the balls::  
::The pimps wiggle on the floor in agony::

Ine-san: Back off!... (She flips her hair) I'm married.  
Hooker Friends: Wow...

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo reads the Hazuki Style manual::  
::His eyes roll in the back of his head::  
::He is enlightened::  
::Suddenly, Ryo found himself flying through a great sky full of clouds::  
::His grandfather sits on one cloud::  
::Ryo is taken down slowly and sat on the cloud with his Grandfather::

Ryo-san: Grandfather! I thought you were dead?  
Grandfather:(A voice like God) I am Ryo.   
Ryo-san: Then why do you look human?  
Grandfather: This is suppose to be a learning experience grandson! You know how it is in the movies?  
Ryo-san: Oh... I guess...  
Grandfather: You have inherited the famous Hazuki Style my grandson. Learn it well.   
Ryo-san: I will!  
Grandfather: I will be in the book watching you.  
Ryo-san: Even in the shower?  
Grandfather: Don't bring it in the shower dipshit!  
Ryo-san: Gotcha! We don't have a shower!   
Grandfather: Stinky stinky.

::Ryo remorses:: 

Grandfather: Now fly away! Learn the force of the style!   
Ryo-san: I WILL! I WILL!

::Ryo flashes back into his room::

Ryo-san: Let's get started...

::Ryo begins to study::


	15. Episode 15: Ryo's Confrontation

Episode 15: S.I. 2

"Jeoperdy" 

Announcer: THIS-IS-JEOPERDY! On tonights show, a housewife from Yokosuka, Japan, Ine-san!  
A devoted father with no particular occupation from Yokosuka, Japan, Iwao!  
And... our returning champion. Another housewife from Yokosuka, Japan, Ryo's Mother! Who's Five Day cash winnings total: three hundred and twenty five THOUSAND dollars!

::Ine-san's mouth drops::  
::Alex Trebec runs on stage::

Alex Trebec: Hell everyone and welcome to Jeoperdy. As you all know, this week is Iwao week. All questions are about Iwao. Today should be an interesting day since we have the one and only Iwao contesting here with us.

::The audience claps::

Iwao: Thank you! Thank you!  
Alex Trebec: Let's start with round 1.

::The topics show...::

Alex Trebec: Iwao Activites...  
Ryo's Mother:(praying) Yes... yes...   
Alex Trebec: Quotations of "I"wao, the I in quotes...   
Ryo's Mother:(praying) No... no...  
Alex Trebec: Iwao In Bed...  
Ine-san:(praying) Yes... yes...  
Alex Trebec:... and finally, Iwao NOT In BED. The NOT italisized.  
Ine-san:(praying) Please God no...  
Alex Trebec: We'll start with you, Ryo's Mother.  
Ryo's Mother: I'll take Iwao NOT In Bed for fifteen thousand.  
Alex Trebec: The one and only question for this topic. 

::The topic question shows::  
::There was nothing on the screen::  
::Ryo's Mother buzzes in::

Ryo's Mother:(clicking the button) What is NOTHING.  
Alex Trebec: Correct! Your pick.

::Ine-san feels on her horribly scarred crouch area::

Ine-san: Damn! I knew that one!  
Ryo's Mother: I'll take Iwao Activities for ten thousand.  
Alex Trebec: Iwao's favorite drink late at night is this...  
Ine-san: It has to be sex related...  
Iwao:(clicking the button) What is Sake! 

::Iwao nodds his head cockily::

Alex Trebec: No!   
Iwao: WHAT?!  
Ryo's Mother:(clicking the button) Who is ME.   
Alex Trebec: Correct!  
Iwao: Ohhhh.. that drink...  
Ine-san: Over confident bitch.  
Alex Trebec: Ryo's Mother, your pick.   
Ryo's Mother: Quotations of "I"wao for twelve thousand.   
Alex Trebec: Iwao says THIS everynight before he falls asleep...   
Iwao:(thinking) Hmmm...  
Ryo's Mother:(clicking the button) What is,"Wow, Ryo's Mother, you shut me up for the night!"   
Alex Trebec: CORRECT!  
Ryo's Mother: Damn im good!

::Minutes pass::

Ryo's Mother: What is,"More pushin' fo da cushin'!"  
Ine-san: Who is Ine-baby!  
Iwao: Hmmm...  
Ryo's Mother: What is the Hazuki Style!  
Iwao: Uhhh...  
Ine-san: What is,"Hit me baby one more time!"  
Ryo's Mother: What is a blender.  
Iwao: Hrmmm...  
Alex Trebec: We've reached the end of the first round! Ryo's Mother leads with eighty thousand points, Ine-san with forty thousand, and Iwao with negetive thirty-two thousand!  
Iwao: If only I had a brain.

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ine-san wakes up, screaming:: 

Ine-san: I KNOW MORE! I KNOW MORE ABOUT IWAO!!!

::She realizes that Jeoperdy was only a dream::

Ine-san:(sweating) Ryo's Mother haunts my dreams...

"Ryo's Room" 

::Ryo sits on his bed and counts all of the YEN that he has made from Iwao's Hazuki Dojo::  
::Fuku walks in::

Fuku-san: Nice collection ya got there.

::Ryo puts the YEN back in his box::

Ryo-san: You talked...  
Fuku-san: I talk all the time! Hey, how ya doin there missy! Hey! Nice lawn big boi! I talk ALL the time!  
Ryo-san: Then why haven't you ever talked to me?!   
Ine-san:(From the other room) Ryo! Can you help me with something?!  
Ryo-san: Be right back.

::Ryo runs out the room::  
::Fuku tip toes over to Ryo's YEN box and snatches it:: 

"Tomato Convienience Store" 

::Iwao shops for food when he comes across the magazines::  
::He flips through until he sees one in particular::  
::It read,"The Han Dojo. School of Martial Arts! Grand Opening! Come on by!"::   
::Iwao balls up the magazine and throws it at the employee:: 

Employee: Sure! Draw a Raffle Ticket!  
Iwao: Shut the hell up!

"Dobuita" 

::Ryo stops by the "Make A Wish" Capsule Toy Machine::

Ryo-san: I wish that I can make it with Nozomi...

::Ryo points a hundred YEN in the machine::  
::He grabs the capsule::  
::Inside was a note::  
::The note read,"Certainly"::

Ryo-san: YES! I'm going to make it with Nozomi! With that confidence, I'll just walk to her house.

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ine-san: Where on earth is Fuku-san?

"MJQ Jazz Bar" 

::Fuku walks in::

Bouncer: Can I see some I.D.?  
Fuku-san: No I.D. But check this...

::Fuku slips forty thousand YEN in the bouncers hands::

Bouncer:(blushing) Well hello Mr...?  
Fuku-san: Just call me a Business Man my friend.  
Bouncer: Welcome!

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Iwao tumbles in with a vodka bottle in his hand and his hair matted::

Ine-san: What happened to you?  
Iwao: I'm finished!  
Ine-san: Come to my room.  
Iwao: That won't work this time Ine-san.  
Ine-san: Ok, now I really wanna know what happened.

::The phone rings::  
::Iwao answers::

Iwao: Hello. Hazuki Dojo. SUCK SOME DICK ASSHOLE!!!!

::Iwao hangs up::

Ine-san: Good gracious Iwao!

"Sakarakoaga" 

::Ryo stands in front of Ine-san's house::  
::He takes a deep breath::

Ryo-san: This is it. Don't get scared now. 

::He walks up to the front door::  
::He turns around and walks off::  
::He finds the phone booth down the street::  
::He takes out Nozomi's phone number from the pocket::  
::He dials:: 

Nozomi's Grandma:(answering) Hello?  
Ryo-san: THE FLOWER SHOPS ON FIRE! THE FLOWER SHOPS ON FIRE!!!

::Nozomi's grandma hangs up::  
::She runs outside and down the street towards the shop::  
::Ryo walks up to Nozomi's door::  
::He knocks:: 

Intercom: Come in.

::That was Nozomi's voice Ryo thought::  
::The door magically opens::  
::Ryo walks inside:: 

"In the Meantime"   
"MJQ Jazz Bar" 

::Ryo's YEN was flying everywhere!::  
::Fuku was help up in the air by three hott girls::

Fuku-san: WOOOOOHHHHAAAA!!!!!!

::The bartender was juggling Ryo's YEN:: 

Bartender: I'm RICH!  
Bartenders wife: How about you quit this job and let's build a house.  
Bartender: Good idea!

::The bartender snatches all of the alcohol and runs off::

"Nozomi's House" 

Nozomi:(from upstairs) Up here!

::Ryo walks up the steps slowly::  
::His heart races::

Nozomi: In here!

::Ryo stands before Nozomi's bedroom::  
::To him, it was his life accomplishment::  
::He walks in Nozomi's room::   
::Nozomi sits on her bed in a see-through outfit, sitting sexily on her bed::

Nozomi: I've been waiting.  
Ryo-san: For me?   
Nozomi: Uh huh.  
Ryo-san: Do you remember me?  
Nozomi: After tonight, you won't care.

::Nozomi pats the bed:: 

Nozomi: Come.  
Ryo-san: First, let me introduce myself. I am Ryo-san from the Hazuki Dojo in Yamanose. I also go to you school and-  
Nozomi: Are you gay?  
Ryo-san: Am not!  
Nozomi: Your acting totally gay.  
Ryo-san: I'm not gay!  
Nozomi: Then show me.

::Ryo rips off his clothes::

Ryo-san: NEVER CALL ME GAY!

::Ryo jumps on Nozomi::

"The Next Day"   
"Hazuki Residence" 

::Iwao picks up the phone::

Iwao: Hemoter sein amichie?  
Man on phone: Geefer ameroi.  
Iwao: Jota!

::Iwao hangs up:: 

"The Han Dojo" 

::Han stands before his trainees::

Han: Good! Now, I want to show you a spinning backick. Remember, we have competition. But so far, we're winning aren't we?!  
Students: YES SENSEI!

::The dojo doors bust down::  
::Men in black suits run in and shoot all the little kids::  
::Iwao runs in and grabs Han from behind::

Iwao: Not so slick now eh?

::Iwao slits his throat::

Iwao: Perfect! Great job men! Now, we must bury then evidence and burn this place to the ground!  
Men: RIGHT!

"Nozomi's House" 

::Ryo lays next to Nozomi breathless::  
::His whole body was red::

Ryo-san: That was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.   
Nozomi: Hehehe. Well only being ten, I can work my magic can't I?   
Ryo-san: This isn't even right, I'm only ten.  
Nozomi: Why can't you get back rubs at ten?  
Ryo-san: It was just the most amazing back rub ever!  
Nozomi: QUICK! HIDE!  
Ryo-san: Why?!   
Nozomi: Do it! Now! For your own sake!

::Ryo gets up:: 

Ryo-san: Where do I go?!  
Nozomi: The closet! Quickly! 

::Ryo runs in Nozomi's closet::  
::A boy walks into Nozomi's room::

Nozomi: Hey baby! What's up?  
Boy: Your never this nice. What's going on?  
Nozomi: N-Nothing...  
Boy: Who's in here?  
Nozomi: N-No one.  
Boy: Your lying.

::The boy searches around the room::  
::Ryo ducks down far into the darkness of the closet::

Boy: The closet.

::Nozomi grabs the boy and starts making out with him::  
::She signals Ryo to run::  
::Ryo nodds his head::  
::Quickly, he opens the closet door and starts to tip toe our of the room::

Boy #2: There he is!

::A boy runs up to Ryo from the stairs:: 

Boy#1: I knew you were a slut!

::The boy pushes Nozomi down on the bed::  
::Ryo pushes the boy from behind:: 

Ryo-san: Hey! That's a female! Don't push her like that!   
Boy: Hey you sissy schoolboy. If you ever lay a hand on me again, I'll make sure, personally, that's your laying in your mothers grave!   
Ryo-san: Don't TALK ABOUT MY MOTHERS SHES DEAD!

::Ryo punches the boy::  
::The boy stands back up::  
::Ryo sees a fist fly towards his face::  
::Everything goes dark::


	16. Episode 16: Ryo, Fuku, and Tom's PACT

NOTICE: From every Episode from now until the last, each one will be focused on Ryo's High School Days at the Residence. 1983-1986. ENJOY!

Episode 16: S.I. 2

"Baihu Academy. 1983" 

::Shenhua stands before her classmates and reads a poem that she had to write for homework::   
::She wore glasses, had braces, just particularly the average geek::

Shenhua: The pitch-black night unfolds with the morning star as it's only light. And thus, the saga begins... 

::She turns towards her teacher::

Shenhua: I made it up myself snort snort  
Teacher: That's great Shenhua. That was kind of the point. Take a seat.

::After class, Shenhua walks up to her teacher to pick up her grade for the poem::  
::There was a big red F over the poem::

Shenhua: An F?! I worked a whole night on that poem!  
Teacher: Well it wasn't good enough dear. Try harder.

::Shenhua walks out of the classroom::  
::She paces through the hallways, noticing one of the skankiest girls at the academy reading Shenuhua's poem to her boyfriend::

Skank Girl: A man shall appear from the far Eastern Lands, his name will be Brett Fergason.

::Brett blushes::  
::Shenhua taps the skanky girl on her back::

Skank Girl: What is it?! Now I have loser germs on me!  
Shenhua:(innocently) I'm sorry but that's my poem your reading.  
Skank Girl: Don't talk to me! Now I'm scarred for life! Ugh!  
Brett: I thought your poem baby was out of this world!  
Skank Girl: Reeeeeeeeally Brett?! Awwwww... your out of this world!

::Shenhua balls her fists and taps the girl again::

Skank Girl: What do you want loser?!

::Shenhua backhands the girl across her face::  
::The skank girls falls::   
::Shenhua grabs a handful of the girls hair, then drags her across the hallway::

Shenhua:(dragging the girl) I'll show you scarred when I break your face in half!

"Suka High School. 1983" 

::Ryo pulls up to the front in his brand spankin' new 1983 Ferrari::  
::He stands out in his leather jacket, tight jeans, and sunglasses::  
::The females pass, laughing at him then turning their heads::

Ryo-san:(looking over his sunglasses) How you doin'?

::Nozomi runs up to Ryo and makes out with him::

Nozomi: I'm the luckiest girl in Suka High!

"Hazuki Residence" 

Nozomi:(on the phone) Is Ryo there?  
Iwao:(on the phone) RYO!!!!!!   
Ryo-san:(from the other room) YEAH?!  
Iwao:(on the phone) No he's not. May I take a message?  
Nozomi:(on the phone) No. No message. Thanks.

::Iwao hangs up::  
::Ryo walks up:: 

Ryo-san: Who was that?  
Iwao: Can you drive and pick me up some Sake from the Tomato Convienience Store?  
Ryo-san: Again?   
Iwao: You know that's the only thing I mix my alcohol with son.   
Ryo-san: Well I was planning to go see Nozomi today.

::Fuku-san walks in::

Fuku-san: Yo.

::He walks by Ryo and Iwao and gets on the phone::

Fuku-san:(turning around) Uhhmmm... some privacy?

::Ryo and Iwao walk off::

"The Bathroom" 

::Ryo has his shirt off, exaiming his pubic chest hairs::  
::Ine-san walks by with a basket full of clothes::

Ine-san: Your becoming a man Ryo-san.  
Ryo-san: You think the girls would think I'm attractive?  
Ine-san: I would. 

::Ine-san winks::

Ryo-san: That's great.

::Ryo shuts the door::  
::Ine-san picks up some of Ryo's underpants from the basket and ravages them in her face::

Ine-san: Mmmmmmmmm...

"Tom's House" 

::Ryo and Fuku make themselves comfortable in Tom's living room::

Tom: Who's still a virgin here?

::Tom raises his hand instantly, Fuku hesitates, blow slowly but surely, raises his hand::

Tom:... so I thought of a solution.  
Fuku-san: 1-800- get laid now?  
Tom: No! We make a pact!  
Ryo-san: A pact?  
Tom: Yes! We get laid before this years homecoming!  
Ryo-san: I-I'm not liking this idea too much.  
Fuku-san: I'm down.

::Tom stands up and jumps on his sofa::

Tom: NO LONGER WILL WE SIT AROUND AND LET OUR TWIKS GO INTO THE MIDST OF DARKNESS!!!!  
Fuku-san: YEAH!  
Ryo-san: Hmmm...  
Tom: NO LONGER WILL WE SIT AROUND AND LET ALL THAT FRESH PUSSY OUT THERE ROT AWAY FROM THE GRASP OF OUR PENIS'S!  
Fuku-san: HELL YEAH!  
Ryo-san: But-  
Tom: NO LONGER WILL BE PAWNS OF THE VIRGIN QUEEN!

::Fuku jumps up::

Fuku-san: I see where your going with this Tom!  
Tom: WE-WILL-GET-LAID!  
Ryo-san: But, I have gotten laid.  
Fuku-san: Don't lie.   
Ryo-san:(depressed) DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! NO I HAVEN'T!

::Tom puts his arm around Ryo, and so does Fuku::

Tom:(putting his hand out) Imagine, Ryo, all the pussy out there. Mmmmmmm.. can you smell it?!  
Ryo-san: I would like too.  
Tom: We all would maun! Jesus Ryo let your dick be free!  
Ryo-san: Yes... let it be free.   
Tom: That's the spirit!  
Ryo-san: It will be free!  
Fuku-san: YES!

::Ryo jumps up::

Ryo-san:(rejoicing) We're getting laid!  
Fuku-san and Tom: YEAH!

::The three of them jump up and down::

"The Movie Theatre" 

::Ryo sits in the front row with Nozomi::  
::Fuku sits a few rows back with his woman::  
::... and Tom sits all the way in the back::

Nozomi:(snuggling up to Ryo) Oh I'm so glad you took me to see Scarface baby.  
Ryo-san: You bet.  
Ryo-san: I'm gonna go get some popcorn Nozomi.  
Nozomi: A big one!  
Ryo-san: OoooooOOOOo yeah. A big one.  
Nozomi: Oh boy! Ok!

::Ryo walks past Fuku and gives him a thumbs up::

Fuku-san's girl: What was that about Fukee?  
Fuku-san:(stretching his arms back behind her) Ahhhh nothing baby, a thing between us guys. Nothing to worry about.  
Fuku-san's girl: I love you so much!

::Fuku lifts his eyebrow up at her::

Fuku-san: How much do you love me?

"Movie Theatre's Popcorn Stand" 

Ryo-san: Lemme get an EXTRA large popcorn please.  
Popcorn Man: You think a big popcorn is gonna is gonna signify something school boy?  
Ryo-san: Huh?  
Popcorn Man: You think you'll get under the, seashore, with that hunny?  
Ryo-san:(scratching his head) Dude...  
Popcorn Man: I saw that hott suga momma you walked in here with. Let me give you some advice. Ever heard of the popcorn trick?  
Ryo-san: I don't recall.

"Back in the Movie Theatre" 

::Tom was already making out with his girl::  
::Fuku looked like he was getting a handjob but god's knows::

Ryo-san: Damn. I need to hurry.

::Ryo walks down the isle with the popcorn basket to his crouch area::  
::He sits down next to Nozomi::

Nozomi: Hey baby.  
Ryo-san: Hey suger.

::Nozomi reaches in for some popcorn::  
::Ryo starts to get red::

Ryo-san: I told him to put extra salt and extra butter in it.  
Nozomi: Mmmmm... my favorite!

::May of been her favorite, but it wasn't nessasarily comfortable to Ryo at the current moment::  
::As Scarface went on, the popcorn got lower and lower::  
::Ryo grew nervous and more nervous::

Nozomi: What's that?  
Ryo-san:(nervously) What? In the movie?  
Nozomi: No. That!

::Nozomi squeezes Ryo's dick::  
::It was sticking through the bottom of the popcorn::

Ryo-san:(getting aroused) Oh nothing. Uh, maybe a prize?  
Nozomi: For me?

::Ryo sits back::

Ryo-san:(brushing Nozomi's hair with a macho voice) Yeah hunny.  
Nozomi: Aww you shouldn't have!

::Nozomi yanks on it::

Ryo-san: OWCH!  
Nozomi: What?!   
Ryo-san:(holding his side) Gas.  
Nozomi: Oh.

::Nozomi yanks on RYo's pike again::

Ryo-san:( in desperate peril) Why God? Why me?  
Fuku-san: HOLY FUCK! STAB HIM! STAB THAT MOTHERFUCKER!  
Ryo-san:(still having his dick pulled on) Fuku-san shut up please...

::Fuku throws popcorn at the screen:: 

Fuku-san: SHOVE THAT KNIFE INTO HIM! SHOVE IT! YES! YOU DEAD HOE YOU DEAD!

::FUku stands up and break dances::

Random Man: Sit down and shut up!  
Fuku-san: Why don't you go blow some'em!  
Nozomi:(Still pulling) Why isn't it coming out! 

::Nozomi picks the popcorn box up::  
::Ryo's tiny dick was exposed::

Nozomi: OH MY GOD!  
Ryo-san: Nozomi! It's not what you think?!  
Nozomi: REALLY?! You HAVE YOUR DICK IN THE POPCORN!

::Nozomi runs out in disgustment::  
::Ryo runs after her with his dick hanging out::

Ryo-san: Nozomi I can explain!

::The whole theatre laughs::

Tom's Girl: Tom?  
Tom: Yes sweety?  
Tom's Girl: Is there a prize in the popcorn?

::Tom smiles::   
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


	17. Episode 17: Jail for Ryo

Episode 17: S.I.

"Hazuki Residence"

::Ryo dials Quest Personals::

Operator: Thank you for dialing Quest Personals. Find someone to talk to from all around your Area instantly! If your a male press 1. A female, press 2.

::Ryo presses 1::

Operator: The fun is just getting started! Record your personal greeting now...

Ryo-san: I'm Ryo-san. A sexy, japanese boy. Looking for someone to have a good talk with...

"Shenhua's House"

Operator: Thank you for dialing Quest Personals... if your a male press 1. Female, press 2.

::Shenhua presses 2::

"Hazuki Residence"

Callers: Hey guys, my names Shenhua. I'm a slim, nature loving girl from bumfuck nowhere, China. Looking for a sexy foreign man to talk to...

::Ryo sends Shenhua a one-on-one calling request::

Shenhua:(connecting) Hello?  
Ryo-san: Hey.  
Shenhua: Who's this?

::Fuku-san's walks up::

Fuku-san: Hey Ryo, did you see my-  
Ryo-san:(covering the bottom of the phone) Shhhhh! Fuku-san, listen to this.

::Ryo hands the phone to Fuku::

Fuku-san:(answering) Hello?  
Shenhua: Heeeeeeeeeeeeelllloooo? Is anyone there?  
Fuku-san: I'm here.  
Shenhua: I thought you sounded really hott.  
Fuku-san: Really? You trying to bang?

::Ryo snatches the phone::

Shenhua: Well... I'd be kinda new at it.  
Ryo-san:(on the phone) That's ok baby.

::Ryo and Fuku try their hardest not to laugh::  
::Ryo hands the phone to Fuku::

Ryo-san: I'm out. I'm going to visit Nozomi.  
Fuku-san:(covering the phone) Alright. I'll take care of this.

::Fuku winks::

"Nozomi's House"

::Ryo knocks::  
::Nozomi answers::

Ryo-san: Ready?  
Nozomi: Yeah, we're ready!  
Ryo-san: We're?

::Nozomi walks out, followed by three of her friends::

Ryo-san: Uhhhh.. Nozomi? I thought this day was between you and I?  
Nozomi: It is. Oh don't be a stick in the mud! They'll just follow behind us.  
Ryo-san: Well, Nozomi you see, we-

::Nozomi pulls Ryo's hand along::

Nozomi: Let's go!  
Ryo-san: Grrrr...

"Lui Barber's Hair Salon"

Ryo-san: Nozomi, I'm not waiting here for all three of you guys to get your haircuts.  
Nozomi: Go to the Arcade or something. It'll only take a minute.

"Forty-Five Minutes Later"

Ryo-san: That's it! I'm going to the Arcade!  
Nozomi: Don't play too hard hunny!

"Yu Arcade"

::Ryo plays a round of Space Harrier and loses::

Ryo-san: That game sucked anyways...

::Ryo plays a round of darts::  
::He kept missing the dart board::

Ryo-san: That game sucks too!!!!!  
Arcade Owner: Why not play QTE Title?  
Ryo-san: Why should I? I'll probably lose like all the other ones.  
Arcade Owner: It's new and weirdly, no one has played it before, except me.  
Ryo-san: Hmmm... really?  
Arcade Owner: I achieved the Top Score. 50,000 points.  
Ryo-san: I guess I'll play. Even though I'll probably loose.  
Arcade Owner: It wouldn't hurt to try.

::Ryo puts 100 YEN into QTE Title::

Arcade Owner:(under his breath) This kid's gonna flunk. Hehehe.

::Ryo starts to play::  
::His first few points and he leaves the High Score::  
::He reaches 30,000::

Arcade Owner: Beginners luck.

::Ryo reaches 40,000::

Arcade Owner: He'll be out soon.

::Ryo reaches 80,000 with all of his lives::

Arcade Owner:(irretently) Am I gonna have to unplug this?

::Ryo gets sweaty::  
::His heart starts to pump::  
::A little boy enters the arcade::  
::The arcade owner tosses a rock at him::  
::The boy passes out::  
::Ryo reaches 100,000 points with one life down::  
::The owner starts to sweat himself::  
::The Rocky Balboa Theme Song begins to play on the record machine::

Owner: Song of Victory? NEVER!

::The owner takes out a sludge hammer and smashes up the record machine::  
::Ryo reaches 150,000. Then 250,000 before the owner even knew it::  
::The owner takes out a box::  
::He tosses all of the QTE Title Trophies in the box::  
::Ryo reaches 300,000::  
::The owner pours gasoline over the trophies::  
::Ryo reaches 350,000::  
::The owner pours takes off his clothes and tosses them in the box with the gasoline and the trophies::  
::He lights the box on fire::  
::The trophies burn::  
::Ryo lucks out at 420,000 points::

Ryo-san:(with his hands in the arm) YES!

::The arcade's smoke detector turns on::  
::The whole arcade fills with smoke::  
::Ryo walks up to the owners counter::  
::The owner stood there butt naked::

Arcade Owner: Sorry. Out of trophies.  
Ryo-san:(The whole burning arcade bolivious to him) Weird. Oh well...

::Ryo walks off::  
::The owner pulls out a shotgun and aims to Ryo::  
::A piece of the cieling burns off and tumbles on the owners head::

"Hazuki Residence"

::Ryo walks in only to find that the phone was off the counter::  
::He spots the phone cord running around the corner and into Ryo's Room::  
::Ryo opens his door and sees Fuku on the phone, beating his meat::

Ryo-san:(in rage) FUKU-SAN!

::Ryo grabs the phone from the tight grasp of Fuku::

Ryo-san:(in the phone) HELLO?!  
Shenhua: Mmmmmmmm Ryo-san. You are the best! You made me leak more milk than a farmer on crack!

::Ryo slams the phone down on the hook::

Fuku-san:(Laying on Ryo's bed with his pants to the floor) I took care of that phone call, didn't I?

"Yokosuka Daily News"

Reporter: This JUST IN, the Yu Arcade Owner was found in the burning arcade beaten senslessly!

::Police show the owner being taken out the smokes of the arcade with both of his eyes blackened and missing teeth::

Reporter: This is just TERRIBLE! Here's a video of the incident. It's so violant, I can't even watch...

::The reporter covers her eyes::  
::The video shows Ryo punching the Yu Arcade Owner in the face multiple times::  
::The video was really Ryo playing QTE Title but the owner edited the game out and put himself in replace of it::

"Hazuki Residence"

Ryo-san: Thats's bullshit!

::The doors are kicked down::  
::Police run in and bend Ryo over, handcuffing him::

Ryo-san: I'm innocent! I can explain!  
Police: Explain it to the jailmate who's gonna make you his bitch!

"Yokosuka Prison"

::Ryo sits at the lunch table by himself::  
::A mysterious man sits down next to him::

? Man: Hi. I'm Meiko. What's yours?  
Ryo-san: Leave me alone.  
Meiko: If we're gonna be friends. We can't associate like this.  
Ryo-san: I'm not your friend. Leave me alone.  
Meiko: W-Wait! Your that guy that beat up the arcade guy! Aren't you?!  
Ryo-san: I didn't beat him up! I was set up!  
Meiko: I'm new here too. This is my first full day.  
Jail Guard: Alright ladies! To the showers!

"Yokosuka Prison Showers"

::Ryo walks in butt naked along with Meiko who was also butt naked::

Meiko: Stick by me if you wanna live.

::Ryo sees the water pouring from the showers::  
::He remembers his psychotic rage that he gets from having water poured on him::

Ryo-san: This is my way out...

::Ryo stands under the shower faucet and starts to wash himself::  
::Meiko grabs a bar of soap::  
::He accidentally drops it::  
::He bends down to pick it up::

Ryo-san: Meiko! No!

::A couple ruff neck jailers come out of nowhere and start to ass rape little Meiko::

Meiko: OH MY GOD!! HELP!! AHHH!!!!

::Ryo starts to sake::  
::His veins bulge out:  
::His eyes turn red and his hair shifts to gold::  
::The shower faucets breaks through the walls and land on the inmates heads::  
::Ryo hovers in the air and flys through the wall::  
::The snipers outside try to shoot him but the bullets just seem to bounce off his skin::  
::Ryo flys clear across the prison walls and across the mountains::  
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


	18. Episode 18:Ryo and Fuku's Fued

Episode 18: S.I. 2

"Nursing Home. 2048"   
"Nursing Home Barbor" 

::The barbor cut Fuku-san's hair::

Fuku-san: Make sure not to cut any of the white hairs.  
Barbor: Your whole head is white.  
Fuku-san: I'm sure you can find a black one here and there.

::The barbor puts on his glasses::

Fuku-san: That's messed up.

::The old guy next to Fuku-san was marking off his days on a calender he had in his lap::

Fuku-san: Planning on dying soon?  
Old Man: When I die, I'm giving all my inheritence to my kids.  
Fuku-san: That's great. I'm not planning on dying anytime soon.

::Fuku-san stands up, struggling, but stands up::  
::The grabs his cane and walks out::

"Recreation Yard. Nursing Home" 

::Fuku-san canes his way out of the doors and meets all of the old people in the yard::

Fuku-san: Let's start a football game! Who's up for it?

::All the old people stare at him wierdly then continue their activities:: 

Fuku-san: Nevermind.

::He sees Ryo reading a nice book on a bench::  
::He canes over to him and wackes the book out of Ryo's hands with his cane::

Ryo-san:(Trying to make his words through his sagged out mouth) Fuku-san! Please! I'm trying to get my brain as filled with as much information as I can before I die.  
Fuku-san: Where's the Hazuki in you soldier?!  
Ryo-san: It's still here. Just old and decrepet but it's there.  
Fuku-san: Your father would be ashamed of you.

::Ryo turns blood shot red::

Ryo-san: NEVER MENTION MY FATHER!

::Ryo stands up suddenly::  
::Because of his anger, his legs snap on him::   
::He falls to the ground::

Fuku-san: Man down! Man down! 

::No one in the yard heard his call::

Fuku-san: Oh yeah old people.

::Fuku takes out a megaphone and speaks loudly into it::

Fuku-san:(In the phone) MAN DOWN!

::Help rushes onto the yard and attends to Ryo::

"Ryo's Nursing Room" 

::Fuku walks in with a bundle of flowers::  
::Ryo lays on an emergency bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth::

Fuku-san: The death bed creeps up on any of us. We never know when it's gonna come.  
Ryo-san:(trying to speak through the mask) Meotother fucbnscker!!!  
Fuku-san:(with his head down) It's true.

::Fuku lays the flowers next to several cards that entitled: "We will miss you Ryo-san" "Have a safe trip to Heaven"::

Fuku-san: Ya know Ryo-san, this is where all of those alter prayers come in handy. You did that a lot.

::Fuku pats Ryo on his shoulder::

Fuku-san: You were a great man.  
Ryo-san: I will Keriiilll ysouuu!!!!   
Fuku-san:(puts his ear closer to Ryo) What's that?

::Ryo's cardiac machine starts to make weird noises::  
::His life line starts to move up and down::  
::Ryo's eyes move into the back of his head::

Fuku-san: That can't be good.

::The nurses rush into the room and surround Ryo::  
::They start to shock his heart with the defibrillator::

::In the midst of the crowd, Fuku backs out of the room slowly::  
::Fuku walks out of the nursing home and up to the valet parking employee:: 

Fuku-san:(tapping on the valet's shoulder) Excuse me good man.

::The valet employee turns around::  
::Fuku-san shoves his cane into the man's stomach and drags him around the building::  
::He canes out in the mans clothing and takes the next persons car who pulls up::  
::Fuku drives off::  
::Ryo stands at his room window and stares off at Fuku::

Ryo-san: Fuku-san is out having the time of his life and I'm still a virgin!

"Hazuki Residence. 1984" 

::Ryo wakes up in a startle::   
::His had sweat petruding from every pour in his body that you could think off::

Ryo-san:(relaxed that it was just a dream) What a nightmare...

::Ryo takes out the Hazuki Style Manual::

Ryo-san: I have almost all of the words in this manual memorized. Soon I will be teached the style by father. Soon. 

"Iwao's Room" 

Iwao: Ine-san! 

::There was no response::

Iwao: Ine-san?!?!

::No response::

::Iwao walks across the hallway and into the guest room::  
::The room was filled with baby furniture, baby orniments hanging from the cieling, and baby monitors::

Iwao: Am I missing something?  
Ine-san:(from behind) Iwao!

::Iwao jumps::

Iwao: Don't scare me like that woman!  
Ine-san: Sorry. How do you like the room?  
Iwao: It's pretty creative for a babies room.

::Ine-san smiles::

Ine-san: That's the point.  
Iwao: Wait. What are you trying to say.  
Ine-san: For future reference Iwao. We're having a baby!  
Iwao:(turning into his alter ego) OVER MY DEAD BODY!

::Ine-san grabs Iwao's hand::

Ine-san: It's baby making time Iwao boo boo.  
Iwao: Lord help me.

::Ine-san pulls Iwao into his room:: 

"Sakarakaoga" 

Little boy: I can't die! It's amazing!

::The boy looked like the happiest kid in the world!::

Ryo-san: And why exactly is that?  
Little Boy: Death is after me! But first, it has to kill off my buddy first! 

::Ryo scratches his head::

Ryo-san: Explain.

::The boy climbs to the top of a house and jumps off head first::  
::He lands on his head and does a hang spring back onto his feet::   
::Ryo's eyes widen::

Ryo-san: Wow...  
Little Boy: Told you! It's fucking amazing!

::The boy walks out in front of a bus and gets run over::  
::The bus passes::  
::The boy is nowhere in site::

Ryo-san: What a loony.

::Ryo turns around to walk off::  
::The boy appears behind him::

Little Boy: BOO!  
Ryo-san: AH! WHAT THE HELL?!  
Little Boy: Hahahaha. I can't die! At least not yet! HAHAHAH!

::The boy climbs the highest house in Sakarakaoga::  
::Another boy runs up behind Ryo:: 

Boy: Dude! That guys friend just got killed! It's all over the news!  
Ryo-san: This should be good.

::The boy on the roof leaps into the air and falls on his head::  
::He lands and breaks his neck and every bone in his body::

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ine-san plays: "Rollercoaster of Love"::  
::Iwao trys to crawl across the bed to escape::   
::Ine-san grabs the back of his pants and yanks them off:: 

Iwao: Ine-san! Control yourself!  
Ine-san: I want a baby goddamnit!  
Iwao: Couples are suppose to be ready when they make that kind of love Ine-san! Having a kid is suppose to be something special!  
Ine-san: I don't care! Gimme that Hazuki booty! 

::Ine-san dives for Iwao::  
::Iwao evades::  
::Ine-san slides off the bed and hits the wall::

Iwao: Crazy bitch! 

"Nozomi's House" 

::Nozomi was acting very funny that day::  
::Ryo didn't know what was going on::

Nozomi: Ready for the party Ryo-san!

::The sun set outside::  
::Nozomi clutches Ryo's hands together into her hands::

Ryo-san:(weirded out) Yeah... sure...  
Nozomi: This is going to be great!

"The Party" 

::Ryo walks into a crowd full of drunk people::  
::Within the ginormous crowd, he looses Nozomi::  
::Ryo fingers through the crowd to find her::  
::She was nowhere in site::  
::Ryo grabs a drink to calm himself down::  
::Fuku runs up on a stage and grabs the microphone::

Ryo-san: What's he doing here? (raises his voice) Who invited Fuku-san?!

::Ryo gets aggravated::  
::The crowd fell silent::

Fuku-san: Hello everyone! I have a special song to sing tonight. It's dedicated to my favorite boy in the world, Ryo-san!

::Everyone turns their heads towards Ryo::  
::Ryo smiles because of the attention::  
::He relaxes his shoulders and stands tall::

Ryo-san:(blushing) Oh Fuku-san...

::The stage breaks into a huge metal song::   
::The crowd starts jumping::  
::Ryo looks around in confusment, then starts to jump and move along with the crowd:: 

Ryo-san: YEAH! YEAH!  
Fuku-san:(singing) Hey!  
Ryo doesn't know, that Nozomi and me,  
do it in my van every sunday! 

::Ryo spills his alcoholic drink all over his shirt:: 

Fuku-san:(singing) She tells him she's in church, but she doesn't go!  
Still she's on her knees,  
and Ryo doesn't know, oh!

Ryo-san:(trying to reassure himself) Hahahaha... real funny Fuku-san.

::Nozomi runs out from under the stage::   
::Fuku grabs her mascunatly by her waist::

Fuku-san:(singing) Ryo doesn't know, oh!  
So don't tell Ryo.  
Ryo doesn't know.   
Ryo doesn't know.  
SO DON'T TELL RYO!

Ryo-san: Ryo doesn't know? Damn right Ryo doesn't know! What the fuck!   
Fuku-san:(singing) Nozomi says she's out shopping,  
but she's under me and I'm not stopping!

::Ryo's eyes bulge out of his skull::

Fuku-san:(singing) I can't believe he's so trusting,   
while I'm right behind you thrusting.  
Nozomi's got him on the phone,  
and she's trying not to moan!  
It's a three-way call,   
and he knows nothing,  
NOTHING!  
Oh!  
We'll put on a show, everyone will go.  
Ryo doesn't know.  
Ryo doesn't know.   
Ryo doesn't knoooooooOOOOoooowwww!

::Nozomi grabs the microphone::

Fuku-san: Sing it baby!

::Fuku grabs her ass::

Ryo-san: Oh my God!

Nozomi:(singing) The parking lot, why not?  
It's so cool when your on top.  
His front lawn, in the snow.  
Laughing so hard because Ryo doesn't know!  
Ryo doesn't knooooOOOooowww!!!

Ryo-san: Well that's for damn sure!

Nozomi:(singing) I did Fuku-san on Ryo's birthday,  
sweet 16, he did me so good I couldn't walk for a day! HEY!  
RYO DOESN'T KNOW!

::The music ends::  
::Everyone turns towards Ryo and laughs in his face::  
::Ryo starts to tear up and runs off:: 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 


	19. Episode 19: Ryo's Teachings

Episode 19: S.I. 2

"The Harbor"   
"Warehouse #8" 

::A new shipment of cargo was shipped into the warehouse::  
::Gui Zhang was the first to the cargo::  
::He finds a certain box with a big red X on it and opens it::  
::He pulls out a plastic leg::  
::He runs up to his room and connects the leg to his plastic female german model::

Gui Zhang:(observing his hard work) The collection is complete.

::He walks into the bathroom and sticks his hand in a tub full of lard and spit::  
::He slicks his hair to the side with it::

Gui Zhang:(finishing up with hair spray) No one will know my secret.

"Master Chen's Room" 

::Meanwhile, Master Chen had him a secret shipment too... an entertainment sytem!::  
::The whole package: The game couch, the big speakers, 50 inch plasma television, and cable::  
::Gui Zhang walks in::  
::Master Chen quickly jumps up from his comfortable position in front of Cinemax in his red dragon robe, not strapped, and boxers::

Master Chen:(with the remote in his hand) Uhhhh... Gui Zhang! Didn't I tell you to knock?!

::Gui Zhang walks around the couch, seeming to not of noticed any of the entertainment equipment::

Gui Zhang: Father! We have a man here. He just wondered in mysteriously.  
Master Chen: Did he mention the mirrors?  
Gui Zhang: I didn't ask. I figured I'd let you handle it.  
Master Chen:(winking at Gui Zhang) Smart man. Your right! I will handle this.

::Master Chen walks out of the room::  
::Gui Zhang turns towards the plasma television::

Gui Zhang: Hmmmm...

"First Floor. Warehouse #8" 

Master Chen: Ahhhh yes. You are the one. Aren't you?  
Man: Dude, what are you talking about?

::Master Chen trails around the man and stares him up and down::

Master Chen: Do you know of the mirrors?  
Man: Your freakin' me out man.  
Master Chen: Follow me.

"Master Chen's Room" 

Master Chen: Make yourself comfortable.  
Man: Your not gonna ass rape me are you?  
Master Chen: Oh no no no.

::The man makes himself comfortable on the game couch::

Master Chen: You can have ALL of this if you tell me where the mirrors are.  
Man: What mirrors man?!  
Master Chen: The freakin' mirrors!  
Man: I have no clue what your talking about!  
Master Chen: Well you should! GEEZ!  
Man: I don't! So you can kiss my ass!

::Master Chen starts to strangle the man::  
::Gui Zhang runs in and restrains Master Chen::  
::Master Chen starts to hold his chest::

Gui Zhang: Father! Are you having a heart attack?!  
Master Chen:(gaggling) No you nitwit! I need a laxative!  
Gui Zhang: Oh...

"The Harbor" 

::The sun was setting::  
::Gui Zhang watched the view from the edge of the water::  
::He realized that pitty plastic sex with his german plastic female just wasn't enough and that it was time to move on to flesh and blood::

Gui Zhang: When... when will I find my true love? My one and only.

::A little dog walks up next to him and sits::  
::Gui Zhang glances down at the little pooch:: 

Gui Zhang: Will you be that one?

::The dogs ears raise::  
::Gui Zhang smiles, kneels down, and holds the dog effectionately in his arms::  
::He and the dog walk off into the sunset::

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ryo-san: Father?  
Iwao: Son.  
Ryo-san: After five years, I've memorized the Hazuki Style Manual.  
Iwao:(cockily) Really? Ha ha. Page 452. 

::Iwao turns his back to Ryo and crosses his arms:: 

Ryo-san: (closing his eyes) Feelings shall not get in the way of an opponant. You opponant is your enemy, nothing less, nothing more. Have a straight foward mind, no sideroads. Your enemy is a threat. Your enemy is all your mind sees. Never be sidetracked... 

::Iwao's eyebrow raises::  
::He turns around::

Iwao: Page 255?  
Ryo-san: There is no 255. That number is forbiddin to Hazuki's.  
Iwao: I knew that. I was testing you. Page 212.

::Ryo resights most of it with his eye's closed::  
::He opens his eye's after his resightment::  
::Iwao was gone::

"Dobuita Park" 

::Iwao runs up to Yomagishi-san, trying to get his words through his complete exhaustion::

Iwao: Yomagishi-san! I have to teach Ryo-san the Hazuki Style!   
Yomagishi-san: Oh your screwed.

::Iwao sits down next to him on the bench::

Iwao: I know! I know! I don't know what to do.  
Yomagishi-san: Iwao. Don't worry. You can't teach the boy. I mean, for God's sake, I know more of the Hazuki Style than you do. And your a Hazuki! That's saying something.  
Iwao: Sometimes I feel like I;m not one. I mean, I kill people for a living with weapons. I'm good at weapons, but not at fighting. I'm hopeless.   
Yomagishi-san: Don't get yourself down. Here, I'll tell you what, you said your good with weapons. So, teach him like your teaching someone how to shoot, except you know, avoid some stuff, but the main premicy. The basics. And him being a Hazuki, he'll discover the talent for himself.  
Iwao: Ya know? Your right!

::Iwao hops up with confidence::

Iwao: I'll just do that! Thanks Yomagishi-san!  
Yomagishi-san: And for God's sake, learn something yourself while your at it!

::Iwao runs off::

Iwao:(while he's running) I love my boy! I LOVE MY BOY!  
Yomagishi-san:(chuckling to himself) That fuck's hopeless.

::A bunch of body builders in the park look at Yomagishi-san strangely after his last remark:: 

Yomagishi-san:(bucking) The fuck you starrin' at?!

::The guys turn their heads::  
::Yomagishi-san cracks open a beer:: 

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Iwao busts into Ryo's Room::  
::He runs up to Ryo and hugs him::

Iwao: I love you son! I LOVE YOU!  
Ryo-san:(patting Iwao on the back) I... love you too Father.  
Iwao: I;m going to teach you the Hazuki Style! NOW!  
Ryo-san: Really?!  
Iwao: UH YEAH! HAHAHA! SILLY!

::Ryo and Iwao walk out of the house::  
::Fuku sneaks out of nowhere and steals Ryo's Ferrari keys from his room::   
::He switches the car outside into drive and drives off::

"A Random Junkyard in the middle of nowhere" 

::Fuku drives up to a group of thugish looking men::

Fuku-san: Where you want it?

::The men point::  
::Fuku parks the car:: 

Fuku-san: Ok, and I get that sweet ass suite room you were talking about right?

::The men nodd their heads::

Fuku-san: Great!

"The Dojo" 

Iwao: That's it son. Aim your fists and strike! Pretend your enemy is in front of you... strike!

::Ryo punches::  
::Iwao tought him what he knew, throwing in some common sense like...::

Iwao: Punch straight.

::Soon enough, Ryo starts to move on his own, doing things Iwao didn't even teach him::  
::The Hazuki must of been coming out of him::

Iwao:(thinking) Maybe I should start swinging my fists like a dumbass too and see if the Hazuki takes over me?

"A Hotel" 

::Fuku carrys his date into a luxurious hotel room::

Girl: Oh my God Fuku-san! This is where you live?!  
Fuku-san: Uh huh.

::The girls leaps in his arms::

Girl: Oh my God this is so great! I've always wanted to make love in a elegant hotel room!   
Fuku-san:(looking up at the cieling) Thank you God.

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ryo-san: Where is my Ferrari!!?!?!?!?!?! 

::Fuku stumbles into the house::  
::His face was bloodshot red, his hair was tangled, and he had lipstick all over his lips and cheeks::

Fuku-san:(shivering) H-Hi.

::Everyone in the house looks at him::

Fuku-san: Oh yeah Ryo. I found your Ferrari. It's in some junkyard.  
Ryo-san: Why I outta-!

::Ryo walks towards Fuku with a balled fist::  
::Iwao puts his arm out in front of him::

Iwao: Remember, young Hazuki, never give into your enemies call. When ready, you will go to them.

::Ryo steps back::

Ryo-san: Yes. Father. I should of known.

::The phone rings::

Iwao: I'll get it! (answering) Hello?  
Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: Iwao. Are you alone?  
Iwao: Yes.  
Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: I have your next assignment: His name is Zhao... 


	20. Episode 20: The LEGEND of Hazuki

Episode 20: S.I.

"Secured Mexican Village. 1979." 

::Terry and Pedro just escaped from prison and are hiding out at Pedro's Cousin's House in a heavily guarded village on the outskirts of Yokosuka::

"Pedro's Cousin's House" 

Pedro's Cousin: Pedro!  
Pedro: Paco!

::The two hug::  
::Terry stands in the background, feeling unwanted::

Pedro: Paco! You wouldn't believe what Terry and I went through the escape from prison!  
Paco: No worrys now. Your safe here. We are at war though. You can't forget that.   
Pedro: Oh yeah, the French.  
Paco: That's right. Those damn Frenchies are after us. That's why our village is out here in Japan. We must stay clear from Mexico for the time being. You must stay here until the war is over.  
Pedro: Why do the French want us?  
Paco: That my cousin is still unknown.  
Pedro: Hmmmm...  
Paco: Be safe. Stay alert.

::The two hug again::

"Pedro's Room" 

Terry: These bedsheets stink! And why don't your cousins give us any clothes!  
Pedro: We're Mexicans! We're broke! Plus, the war has put my family in great debt.  
Terry: War war! What is it with this war?!  
Pedro: You tell me. I didn't even know my family was based in Japan until know. I guess you can figure how dangerous this war is.  
Terry: Great! Now I'm gonna have the same pair of tighty whiteys cramming up my asscrack until I can find new ones!

::Terry and Pedo fall asleep::  
::Late at night, Terry decides to wake up for a night snack::  
::He takes a walk out the room and down a long hallway in the building that he and Pedro were sleeping in::  
::He peaks out a window, out into the village, and sees oddly looking men that had no resemblence to the Mexicans::  
::They held rifles::  
::Suddenly, one of the men shoots a Mexican::

Terry: The French.

::Terry sneaks back into Pedro's room::

Terry:(shaking Pedro) Pedro. We have to go now.  
Pedro: What's wrong?  
Terry: The French are here.   
Pedro: What?!

::The French move slowly and sneakily down the hallway towards Terry and Pedro's room::  
::They bust the door down::  
::Terry and Pedro were nowhere in site::

"Secured Mexican Village" 

::A brown Mexican Beiner Mo'beil comes flying through a house::  
::Terry and Pedro were in it:: 

Pedro: Drive Terry! Drive!

::The French start to shoot at the car::  
::The village was on fire::

Pedro:(sadly) My family...

::Terry and Pedro duck and head for the gates to the village::

Pedro: We're not gonna make it through that gate! It's made of wood!

::Terry continues to drive:: 

Pedro: Oh God! There's no airbags in the car!  
Terry: Will you shut your mouth!

::They drive the car straight through the gate and down the road::

"The Highway" 

::The French drove closely behind Terry and Pedro as they made their way to some sort of hiding spot::

Pedro: Their on our ass Terry!  
Terry: I see. I see.

::The French lean out the side of their cars and start to shoot at Terry and Pedro:: 

Pedro: Oh God. Their shooting at us Terry!  
Terry:(turning red and trying to concentrate on the road) I CAN SEE THAT! Your tall and tuff lookin', but your really just the biggest pussy I've ever seen!

"The Harbor" 

::Yada-san and his foreman were reviewing blueprints on the new warehouses that were to be built::  
::Terry comes crashing through the warehouse with the car::  
::Yada-san's men flee::  
::Terry and Pedro jump out::

Terry: Hey Yada-san.

::Yada-san runs::

Terry: Ok Pedro! Let's hide!

"The Hazuki Residence. 1984." 

::Iwao continues to train Ryo in the dojo between his classes with the Hazuki Dojo Martial Arts School::

Iwao: Keep swinging son. Keep swinging.

::Ryo stops::

Iwao: Whats wrong?  
Ryo-san: Father, I'm sick of doing the same punching and kicking. Isn't there more to the "famous" Hazuki Style?   
Iwao: There is. But, in order to gain more of this secret style you must continue practicing the basics.  
Ryo-san: Fine.

::Ryo continues to punch and kick::

"Ryo's Room" 

::Ryo sits on his bed and meditates::

Ryo-san:(zombie tone) Grandfather. Guide me in my training. Give me strength.

::Ryo feels himself floating::  
::He floats towards a bright light::   
::Soon enough, he once again lands on his Grandfather's cloud:: 

Grandfather: Hello Ryo-san.  
Ryo-san: Grandfather! Father is trying to teach me the Hazuki Style. I feel I still have a long ways to go.  
Grandfather: That you do. Come, take a walk with me. 

::Ryo's grandfather dives off the cloud::  
::Ryo stands on the edge of the cloud::

Ryo-san:(looking down) Ummm... grandfather?  
Grandfather:(from below) Dive.

::Ryo closes his eyes and dives::

"Dobuita. 1955." 

::Ryo walks by his Grandfather's side::

Ryo-san: Where are we?  
Grandfather: Yokosuka. 1955.  
Ryo-san: Wow.   
Grandfather: Have you heard of the Hazuki Legend young one?   
Ryo-san: Bits and pieces. It's been passed down through the Hazuki's for ages.  
Grandfather: Correct. Basically, it's a whole bunch of moral bullshit. Bullshit, but affective.

::Ryo's grandfather points to a boy dropping a can of Jet Cola on the street::

Grandfather: That boy has no morals. Nowhere near the Hazuki's.

::Ryo keeps his littering habits a secret::   
::Iwao walks past Ryo::

Ryo-san: Hey Grandfather! There's Father!  
Grandfather: Correct. Watch this.

::Iwao's girlfriend walks past him with another man::  
::Iwao turns red, balls his fists, but continues walking::

Ryo-san: Why did Father keep walking? I would of stepped up!  
Grandfather: He's abying by the Hazuki Legend.

::A group of thugs run out from both sides of the street and start to pummel Iwao into the ground::   
::Iwao falls to the ground and takes the hits::

Ryo-san: So the Legend states to get your ass kicked?  
Grandfather: No. Iwao just couldn't fight.  
Ryo-san: Oh.  
Grandfather: You see Ryo-san, when I was younger I was dropped off in the jungle and I had to survive at all costs. I had to learn to adapt to my new environment and I wrestled tigers for a living.  
Ryo-san: Tigers?! That's harsh.  
Grandfather: Very so, but you know what I learned from all of that?  
Ryo-san: The Hazuki Legend?  
Grandfather: Absolutely nothing my grandson.

::Ryo frawns::

"Ryo's grandfathers Cloud" 

Grandfather: Go back now, little one, and I will be watching you.  
Ryo-san: How?  
Grandfather: You'll see.

"Ryo's Room" 

::Ryo snaps back into reality::

Ryo-san: Why do I feel like I've learned nothing throughout that experience?  
Grandfather: Ryo-san! 

::Ryo falls off his bed::

Ryo-san: What the-! Where are you grandfather?!  
Grandfather: Up here.

::Ryo's grandfather was floating on a cloud above Ryo::

Grandfather: You can see me but no one else can. I will be observing you. Making sure you abide by the Hazuki Legend until I feel your ready.   
Ryo-san: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

"The Harbor. 1979." 

::Pedro was disguised as a harbor worker::   
::He walks through the harbor like nothing mattered, but still keeping an eye on his surroundings::  
::He sees Terry pass, disguised as a warehouse builder::  
::They wave at each other but don't make any unessasary signs to give away their acts::  
::Pedro sees a man in particular reading a newspaper with a woman on the front::  
::He didn't think anything of it until he looked closer and saw that the woman had armpit air::

Pedro: FRENCHIE!!!! 

::Pedro runs::  
::The French man chases after him:: 

Yada-san:(reading his forklift joyfully) Ahhhh... god it's a beautiful day.

::Pedro runs up from the side and pulls him off::

Yada-san: My forklift!

::He takes over the forklift and drives from the French::

"Dobuita. 1984." 

::Ryo walks the streets with his grandfather floating above him::  
::He buys a Cola::  
::He drinks it and tosses it on the ground::

Grandfather: Uhhmmm...  
Ryo-san: What?  
Grandfather: Hazuki's always pick up after themselves.   
Ryo-san: Oh, right.

::Ryo picks the can up and throws it away::

Grandfather: Perfect. Now your learning something. 

::Ryo and his grandfather continue to walk::  
::Ryo witnesses a robbery at Jupiter's Jackets::

Ryo-san: I must help that man!  
Grandfather: Are you insane?! They have guns! Hazuki's are smart, not stupid. Continue.

::Ryo walks right past the robbery::  
::A hooker walks up to Ryo::

Hooker: Hey baby. Looking for a good time?

::Ryo looks up:: 

Ryo-san: Grandfather, what should I do?  
Grandfather: Ask her if she has room for two.  
Ryo-san: But grandfather, it's not the way of the Hazuki's.  
Grandfather: But the Legend states to not be greedy and to not think of one's self but other's as well.   
Ryo-san: Really?  
Grandfather: Indeed.

::Ryo and his grandfather follow the hooker into the alley::

Ryo-san: How are you gonna do this if your dead?  
Grandfather: Oh I can make myself real if I want to.

::Ryo's grandfather winks::

"One Hour Later" 

::Ryo and his grandfather continue their journey::  
::An angel floats to Ryo's grandfather's cloud:: 

Angel: Hey! Party on Cloud 9! It's suppose to be bumpin'!   
Grandfather: Uhhmmm... Ryo-san?  
Ryo-san: Grandfather! Did you just see me! I helped a man with directions!  
Grandfather: Uhhh that's excellent! I have to leave for about an hour but I'll be right back  
Ryo-san: Ok.

::Ryo's grandfather dissapears and floats to Cloud 9::

"Dobuita Park" 

::Ryo confronts the jocks that beat him up all through his childhood:: 

Ryo-san: Hey rejects!

::The jocks crack their knuckles::

Jocks: What did you say pansy?! You remember how bad we beat you in Middle School don't you?  
Ryo-san: Of course but it's not happening this time. This time, I'm standing up for myself.  
Grandfather: Ummmm R-Ryo-san, hehehe, don't get too carried away with the Hazuki Legend now.  
Ryo-san: I know Grandfather, but this time, it's personal.

::The jocks walk up to Ryo::  
::Ryo sees a fist fly towards his face::  
::He wacks the fists away and goes for a stomach blow to one of the jocks::  
::Another jock swings towards him::  
::Ryo ducks and trips the jock up, ending with another blow to the jocks stomach::   
::The rest of the jocks step back::  
::Ryo bucks::  
::The jocks run off::

Ryo-san: And stay out!   
Grandfather:(unclosing his eyes) Ryo-san?  
Ryo-san: Grandfather! I did it!  
Grandfather: Wow. You did. Impressive. 

::Suddenly, a watermellon flys through the air and towards Ryo's face::  
::Everything goes dark::

"The Harbor. 1979." 

::Pedro parks the forklift and hides out in a warehouse::

Hott Girl:(from behind) Hey sexy.   
Pedro: AH! WHO ARE YOU?!  
Hott Girl: Mateisha.  
Pedro: Lemme see your armpits.  
Mateisha: Why?  
Pedro: Just do it! 

::Mateisha lifts up her arms::  
::She was completely shaved::

Pedro: Not French. Let's party!

::Pedro and Mateisha head for the Harbor Lounge::

"The Hazuki Residence. 1984." 

::Iwao walks in after a long day at the Hazuki Dojo::

Ryo's Mother: Iwao...  
Iwao:(blinking uncontrollably) Is it really you?  
Ryo's Mother: Of course. 

::Iwao walks up to her::

Iwao: It can't be.  
Ryo's Mother: It is.

::She lifts out her hand::

Ryo's Mother: Care to join me?

::Iwao and Ryo's Mother walk into his room::

"The Next Day" 

::Iwao lays flat out on the bed with red hand marks and scratch marks all over his chest::  
::He had the biggest smile on his face::  
::He rolls over, awake but without his eyes open just yet, and throws his arm around what he thought to be Ryo's Mother::

Iwao:(happily) Good morning sunshine.  
Ine-san: Good morning tight ass!

::Iwao opens his left eye::

Iwao: WHAT THE FUCK!

::Iwao rolls over and off the bed::  
::He lifts his head over the bed slowly to realize that the Ryo's Mother act was only Ine-san:: 

Ine-san: I did the inpersonation well didn't I?  
Iwao: Your meaning to tell me...  
Ine-san: Yes. I knew I'd get you sooner or later. I had implants done, plastic surgery on my nose, and my wrinkles faded out, toped all off with a hell of some make up.   
Iwao: How could you?  
Ine-san: I'm so happy Iwao! You know why?!  
Iwao: I'd rather not know.  
Ine-san: We're having a baby now!

::Iwao faints::

Ine-san: Faint of joy right? 

"Upstairs of the Harbor Lounge" 

::Mateisha rips off Pedro's pants::  
::She had trouble reaching his shirt::

Pedro: Be gentle now.

::Pedro's head was hitting all of the lights on the cieling::  
::The French bust in the room and surround the bed::  
::At least six of them:: 

Pedro: What is this?!  
French: We have you now!

::Pedro turns towards Mateisha::  
::Mateisha takes out a razor::

Terry: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

::The French point their guns at Pedro::   
::Terry walks in the room dressed as a Frenchie with sunglasses:: 

Terry: This is Commander Abdool! What on earth is this calamity?!

::The French salut Terry::  
::Terry secretively winks at Pedro::

Terry: This has got to be the worst tactic I have ever seen in any of you!!!  
French man: B-But Commander-   
Terry: SAVE IT! Busting in on a man trying to have sex! What kind of men do you think you are?! I'm ashamed of all of you! Your a discrace to me and your country! I want all of you out now! I'll take care of this guy.

::The French run out without any more words::

Terry: So dissapointed!

::Mateisha stays on the bed::

Terry: And you too!

::Mateisha runs out with the bedsheets covering her body::

Terry: Nice ass by the way.

::Pedro laughs::

Terry: We have to hurry. Your holmes are waiting for us out at sea.  
Pedro: Perfect!

::The two head for the sea:: 


	21. Episode 21: The Hunt

Episode 21: S.I.

"Tokyo Orphanage. 1953." 

White Mother: Are these the kids?   
Orphanage Worker: These are all of the angels. Yes.

::The mother browses through the kids::  
::In her eyes, she seemed strangely uninterested::  
::Most of the kids stood at her feet pleading for acceptance except for one kid::  
::He was the only black kid in the orphanage::  
::He was balled up in a corner all by himself::

White Mother:(kneeling down in front of the black kid) What's you name little one?  
Orphanage Worker: That one hardly speaks. The previous owners called him IT.  
White Mother: I want this one. He looks cute.  
Orphanage Worker: M-May I recommend a different child m'am.

::The mother picks up the kid and holds him in her arms::

White Mother: I'll call him Mark. 

"Mark's New Home" 

::Mark fits in well, even though he was black::  
::He plays with his two other white siblings: one male and one female::

Little White Girl: I don't like him mommy. He stinks and he looks weird.  
White Mother: Oh don't be riduculous sweety! In time you'll learn to love him.

"Twelve Years Later" 

::As young Mark grew his first pubes and began to become a teenager, he ventures into stages where, for him, was very lethal in his situation::

"Drive-In Movie Theatre. 1965." 

::Mark was the hottest thing in Tokyo::  
::He was smooth, slick, and knew his words with the girls::  
::He had a hott car with his bell bottom pants and sparkling hat::  
::Mark sits back, relaxed, with his new date::  
::She was a white girl::  
::Mark leans over and looks into his date eyes, then places a kiss on her lips::  
::Out of nowhere, Mark's white father opens his door and pulls him out::  
::He starts to beat the shit out of Mark:: 

Mark's Father: Your black! NOT WHITE! BLACK!  
Mark: Stop kicking me! Stop! I'm sorry!  
Mark's Father: Your out of this family! Back your bags!

"The side of the Highway" 

::Mark stands with his bags at his feet, lifting his thumb in the air for a ride. Lonely, late at night::  
::The rain pours on him::  
::He had nowhere to go::  
::A truck pulls up beside him::

Trucker: Lookin' for a ride soldier?  
Mark: Yes! Okinawa please.  
Trucker: Hop on in partner.

::Mark grabs his bags and steps in::  
::He and the Trucker traveled down a dark road late at night with the windsheild wippers whipping the rain off the windshield::  
::There was minutes of silence before the Trucker spoke his first words::

Trucker: Why Okinawa?  
Mark: Well since I'm still a minor, I have another family lined up for me. Black too! I hate white people now!  
Trucker: Well I'm white.   
Mark: No in offense to you. It's a personal issue. I have nothing against you.

::Minutes of silence went by::

Trucker: Are you tryin' to be smart tuff guy?

::The Trucker spits his chewing tobacco out the window::

Mark: No! Not in any way! I told you-  
Trucker: Well maybe you shouldn't be ridin' with me then black boy if you gots somethin' against white people!   
Mark:(dumbfounded) I-I didn't say that man. I just said-   
Trucker: You hate white people. I heard ya. How bout if I just take a meat clever to your overly cooked black ass!

::The Trucker pulls out a white clever::

Mark: Put that down! Put that down now!

::The Trucker trys to hack away at Mark:: 

Mark:(pushed against the door, kicking the Trucker with his legs) Stop! AH! Stop! I'm warning you! I'm armed! STOP!

::Mark opens the Truckers doors and jumps out::

Trucker:(driving off) So long! Black boy!

::Mark walks until sunset, then hitchhikes again... and he makes sure the next person is black:: 

"Okinawa" 

::Mark arrives at his new black families house::  
::They were poor, but Mark didn't care::   
::He had to work outside when he came home from school::  
::He was accepted in with open arms::  
::Mark goes through High School with his new family, making the best grades in his class::  
::One night, hes in his room, reviewing acceptance letters from colleges all over Japan::  
::His black father comes home one night, late, from work and walks into Mark's room::

Black Father: What are you doin' boy?!  
Mark:(hiding the college letters) Uh... n-nothing. Getting ready for bed.  
Black Father: No your not! Your reading those College letters again bud!  
Mark: I swear to you I'm not!

::Mark's Father unravels his belt::

Mark: Don't do that. Please, don't do that.  
Black Father: I done told you boy. I aint goin' anywhere in life! You working out here in the fields until you die!  
Mark: I can't help I wanna make something out of my life dad!

::Mark's father starts to whip him:: 

Mark: Dad! STOP! PLEASE!  
Black Father:(Saying his words in between stokes) I done told you! If you wanna make something out of yourself your outta here!  
Mark: Fine! IM OUT!

::Mark packs his bags and heads down the road::

Mark:(praising) THE BLACK MAN IS GONE! Ya hear me? THE BLACK MAN IS GONE!

::He finds his occupation elsewhere, the harbor in Yokosuka, a small town where he can settle down on his own and live his life::

"Chiyumen Try-Outs. 1984." 

::Lan Di and his bestfriend Chow sit at a table::

Lan Di: Next.  
Man #1: I wanna be a spaceman! Like the great Niel Armstrong!  
Lan Di: Next.  
Man #2: I-am-Joe.  
Lan Di: That's great. Why do you want to be in this organization?  
Man #2: I-am-Joe!  
Lan Di: Next!  
Woman #1: Hi.  
Lan Di: You do realize this is a men only group?  
Woman #1: What is this some sausage fest? Are you guys gay?  
Lan Di: No. 

::The woman grabs Lan Di's arm and twists it::

Lan Di: Owe! What he fuck!  
Woman #1: I'm tuff!  
Chow: This is hopeless... plan B!

"Shenhua's House" 

::Shenhua's Father sits a table, taking shots of liquor:: 

Shenhua's Father: I will find the mirrors!

::A knock is heard at the door::  
::Shenhua's Father answers::  
::A boy stands outside with a bundle of flowers::

Boy: Is Shenhua home?  
Shenhua's Father: No.  
Boy: Well can you give her these and tell her that I love her.  
Shenhua's Father: That's enough! 

::He slams the door in the boys face::

Shenhua: Who was that Father?  
Boy: Jahova's Whitnesses.  
Shenhua: Oh Father, your adorable.

::Shenhua opens the door::

Boy: Hey beautiful.

::Shenhua's Father growls::

Shenhua: Hi!  
Boy: Ready?  
Shenhua: Father! Mother! I'm going out! 

::Shenhua hops into her boyfriends hott car::  
::The boy spins out of Shenhua's driveway and down the path::

Shenhua's Father: I don't like that kid.  
Shenhua's Mother: Oh hush it. Let her be a woman. She has to grow up sometime.

"Shenhua's Cliff" 

::Shenhua's Boyfriend and her sit snuggled in the car, overlooking the river::

Boy: Beautiful isn't it?   
Shenhua: Very.  
Boy: I have to ask you a question Shenhua.   
Shenhua: Yes?  
Boy: Are you a virgin?  
Shenhua: With a human, yes?  
Boy:(freaked out) W-Well, would you ever give a human a try?  
Shenhua: Ok!

::Shenhua starts making out with the boy::

Boy: That was easy!

"Meanwhile, back at Shenhua's House" 

::Shenhua's Father waits for his bride to fall asleep::  
::Upon hearing her first snoars, he hops out of bed and into the bathroom::  
::He throws on his camoflauge suite from when he was in the marines and marks black marks under his eyes::

Shenhua's Father: This time, it's personal...

"The River" 

Shenhua's Father: That's it boys! Find them mirrors!

::His men dove into the waters::  
::Hours later, they came back to the surface::

Men: No mirrors sir!   
Shenhua's Father: Keep lookin' men!

::Hours went by:: 

Men: No mirrors!  
Shenhua's Father: Damn it! Where did they wonder off to?!?!

"Hazuki Residence"   
"The Dojo's Basement" 

::Iwao exaimened the Pheonix Mirror::

Iwao:(rubbing it up and down) My preccciiiooouuusss...

::He sees a flashback flash before his vision::  
::It was when he took his first trip to Hong Kong in search to randezvous with Zhu Yuanda::

"Hong Kong. 1976."   
"Casino" 

::Lan Di sits at a Casino table with Zhu Yuanda::  
::They were both dressed in Yuxedo's::

Zhu Yuanda: It's poker time.  
Lan D:(devious laugh) He he he.  
Card Dealor: Are these all the contestants? 

::The audience stood back, too intiminated to face the tricky, evil Lan Di::

Card Dealor: Alright. Let the game bein!  
Iwao: Hold it.

::Iwao sits down across from Lan Di in a Tuxedo as well::

Iwao: Make that three.

::Lan Di smirks::

Alcohol Beverage Carrier: Cocktail? Sir?  
Iwao: Yes. Shaken, not stirred.  
Alcohol Beverage Carrier: Yes Sir.  
Lan Di: And you might be?  
Iwao: Hazuki, Iwao Hazuki.  
Lan Di: Well Mr. Hazuki, you realize your playing a top of he line money poker game don't you?  
Iwao: Living dangeriously is my license, Mr...?   
Lan Di: Sama, Lan Di Sama. And let me inform you, there's no room for dangerous on my table.  
Iwao: You table? Ahhhh, I see. Let's make a deal on the winner. What you got to offer Mr. Sama?

::Lan Di takes out his two mirrors and places them along with the money:: 

Lan Di: My prized possession, the Mirrors.  
Iwao: And if you win?  
Lan Di: You have to work for me.  
Iwao: Deal. Plus the money as well.

::Lan DI nodds::

Zhu Yuanda: Let's play!

::The cars are dealed out::  
::Lan Di and Iwao kept their cool::  
::One glance at their cards, then they looked back up at each other with smirks::  
::They were both experts at keeping their blushes hidden::

Zhu Yuanda: I fold...  
Iwao: Folding is only for pancakes.  
Lan Di: Ineed. As hands, is for the devils playground.  
Iwao: As Poker ryhmes with Joker.  
Lan Di: As intimination leads to faultiness.  
Iwao: As your a faggot.  
Lan Di: Ha ha.

::Iwao puts his hand down::  
::He looks at Lan Di::  
::Lan Di smiles::

Iwao: Well, Mr. Sama?

::Lan Di puts down his hand::

Card Dealor: Lan Di wins.  
Lan Di: Well Mr. Hazuki, looks like I come out the victor.  
Iwao: Indeed. Watch your step.

::Iwao claps and the whole Casino's lights shut down::

Lan Di: What the hell?! Someone turn the lights on!

::The lights shut on::  
::The mirrors and the money are gone::

Lan Di: Mr. HAZUKKKKIII!!!!!!!!!!

"Guan's House. 1986." 

::Guan's wife walks into her bathroom::

Guan's Wife: Where's my mirrors?

"Hong Kong Boat Docks" 

Chow: Lan Di! Someone's claiming to of found the mirrors!  
Lan Di: BRING HIM TO ME!

::Lan Di's guards bring Guan foward::

Lan Di: To you have my mirrors?   
Guan: I do! I do!

::Lan Di puts his hand out::  
::Guan puts two regular mirrors in Lan Di's hands::  
::Lan Di crushes the mirrors with his hands::

Lan Di: Did I not clearly explain to you that they were green and made of stone you idiot! Get rid of this fool.

::Lan Di's guards shoot Guan and dump him over the water::

Lan Di: I guess I'll have to go out on my own...   
Chow: What about Japan Lan Di?  
Lan Di: Japan... Hazuki... Japanese name... He killed my Father as well. Chow your a genius! Pack out bags men! We're goin to Japan!  
Chow: Yiiipppeee!  
Lan Di: Not you.  
Chow: Why not?!  
Lan Di: You need you to keep looking for Hazuki here in case he's here.

"Tokyo Airport" 

::Lan Di gets off the plane with his two guards::

Lan Di: Smell the air men! Japan! I can smell Hazuki already!  
Guards: Ummmm Lan Di?  
Lan Di: What?  
Guards: How do we find him?  
Lan Di: Easy! Ever heard of the Yellow Book?! 

::He and his guards post up at a phone booth down the street from the airport::

Lan Di:(scrolling his finger down the phone book) Hazuki... Hazuki...  
Guards: This is going to take forever Master Sama.  
Lan Di: Nonesense. How many Hazuki's are in Japan. I mean come on.

::The phone book shows a listing of three hundred and forty-five listed Hazuki's::

Lan Di: Shit.   
Guards: We should be smarter than this Master!  
Lan Di: Damn me to hell for forgetting his first name. But what the hell... 

::Lan Di starts dialing::  
::Hours went by::  
::The guards had folded out chairs outside the booth::

Guards: Even if it was the REAL Hazuki, don't you think he'd day no when you say that your coming to kill him?  
Lan Di: Do you think I'm stupid?! I've thought of that prick! Iwee... Iwee... Kiwee Pie?  
Guards: Mmmmm yummy.  
Lan Di: Kiwee! That's his name!

::Lan Di searches::

Lan Di: Damn! He's unlisted! 


	22. Episode 22: Ryo a Star

Episode 22: S.I.

"A Mysterious Bathroom. 1985."

::Iwao wakes up after a weird blackout::  
::The room was dark and gloomy::

Iwao: Hello?!

::His words echo off the walls::

Iwao: Where am I?!?!

::Suddenly the lights shut on::  
::Iwao shields his eyes from the brightness::  
::Once he's able to look, he finds that he's chained to a wall by his ankle::  
::There was man in the room with him::

Iwao: Who's there?!  
? Man: You don't know me? Why I'm Harry Potter!  
Iwao: Really?! Perfect! Get me out of these chains!  
Harry Potter: Ok. Ok! I will!

::Harry searches through his cloak::

Harry Potter: My wand his gone! Darn it!  
Iwao: Then what good are you!?  
Harry Potter: I'm king in the world I know, Dontcha know?  
Iwao: And we're chained to the wall so let's stop this talking and try to get out of here!  
Harry Potter: Right!

::Iwao yanks on his chain::  
::Harry yanks on his chain::  
::Iwao yanks harder::  
::Harry takes out an inhaler and takes a puff::  
::Iwao continues to yank::  
::Harry puts his cloak over the chain::

Harry Potter: Dissapear!

::He removes his cloak::  
::The chain was still there::

Harry Potter: Blast it!  
Iwao:(out of breath) It's useless. We're not going anywhere.  
Harry Potter: I'm not used to being chained in one place for so long.  
Iwao: How did you get here?  
Harry Potter: Well from what I remember, I was watching as Quidditch got it's first cheerleaders. I was completely disgusted by the idea if ya ask me. Then suddenly, I get pancaked on the head and wake up here.  
Iwao: Interesting.

::Harry fingers through his cloak once more to find a tape recorder::

Harry Potter: What in bloody magic balls is this?  
Iwao: It's a tape recorder numbnuts! Press play!

::Harry plays the tape::

Man on Tape: Hello Harry Potter. I wanna play a game...  
Harry:(jumping up and down like a little kid) Oh boy YIPPEEE!!! Quidditch!!!!  
Iwao: Shhhh! Listen!

::Iwao puts his ear closer::

Man on Tape: All of your life you've been flying around on a broomstick like a little pansy bitch, using your magic tricks on others. Hiding behind your emo self. Hiding from the truth about your mother. Now, you'll be put to the test! Not once in this room can you use a magic trick.  
Harry Potter: Not once?!  
Man on Tape: Not even once! You have to kill Iwao. And for you Iwao, all your life you've been hiding behind your own self stupidy, killing others and making yourself happier, but today you get to watch yourself die! Let the game begin.

::A lady comes on at the end of the tape::

Lady on Tape: This recording was recorded in Miami, Florida. Where you can come and have a hell of a time!

::Tape ends::

Harry Potter: We have to do something!  
Iwao: Naw ya think?! Jesus, your not so smart without your magic.  
Harry Potter: Hmph! Well bud, in the muggle world we as a person are magic!  
Iwao: Listen! We're not gonna get anywhere if we keep fighting! I have an idea, turn off the lights.  
Harry Potter: Oh goodie! Hide and seek! Your it! snort snort

::Iwao slaps his forehead::  
::Harry reaches for the light switch and turns the light off::  
::There was a big blue X to Harry's right::

Iwao: There!

::Harry uses the tape recorder to bust down the wall where the X was::  
::The lights turn back on::

Iwao: Whats there?!  
Harry Potter: A box!

::Harry opens the box and pulls out a wand::

Harry Potter: My wand!

::He waves it around::

Iwao: Hey! Hey! Watch where your waving that thing! Here! Shoot my chains. Let me out!  
Harry Potter: Well I recollect that that freaky man said to not use any magic...  
Iwao: Fuck that man! Shoot my chain now!

::Harry says his magic words and shoots a spark at Iwao chain with his wand::  
::The path of the spark goes wrong and hits Iwao::  
::Iwao looses his clothes::

Harry Potter: You don't see that at Hogwarts.  
Iwao:(covering his privates) Goddamnit Potter use your brain!  
Harry Potter: I'm still woozy from the good ol' rogering that I got to the head! I won't be able to do my tricks one hundred percent right.  
Iwao: Forget what you feel! Get me out of here! Here, think of Hermoine naked! Would that do anything?  
Harry Potter: Ewwww! That's gross! She's like a sister to me.  
Iwao: Fine then! Ron!  
Harry Potter:(smiling) Ok!

::Harry shoots at Iwao's chains::  
::Iwao is set free::

Iwao: Thank God. Now, shoot at your chain.

::Harry starts to hold his throat::

Iwao: What's wrong?  
Harry Potter: I think I'm being poisoned!  
Iwao: Well you did use magic.  
Harry Potter: Bloody naked biscuits!

::Harry dies::

Iwao: Oh well.

::Harry comes alive from the floor and grabs Iwao's foot::

Harry Potter : Tell Hermoine that I always secretively loved her and that I'm sorry I couldn't make muggle babies with her!  
Iwao: Ok.  
Harry Potter: And tell Ron that his red hairs always turned me on!  
Iwao: You got it.  
Harry Potter: Oh! And tell Dumbledore I'm sorry for taking all of his "Getting Younger On The Way! One Pill A Day!" medication!  
Iwao: Ok! Let go of me!

::Harry dies::

"Hazuki Residence. 1985."

Girl: Before we do this Ryo, I just have to ask you one question...  
Ryo-san: Sure.

::Ryo has his hand on her leg, stoking up and down::

Girl: Are you gay?  
Ryo-san: Gay?! Course not! What makes you think that?!  
Girl: I mean, I didn't wanna be rude or anything...  
Ryo-san: Well you sure did act the nicest you could.  
Girl: I'm just saying Ryo, you wear these tight pants, you spike your hair, and you even run like a queer. I'm sorry for thinking this way but I just couldn't help it!  
Ryo-san: Maybe you should leave if you think that way!

::Fuku walks in::

Fuku-san: Hey hey hey. What's the yelling about?  
Ryo-san: This girl here thinks I'm gay Fuku-san! Can you believe it?!  
Fuku-san: Actually, I can.  
Ryo-san: That's it! I want you both out! NOW!

::Fuku and the girl leave::  
::Ryo slams his door shut from behind::

Ryo-san: Unbelievable.

::Ryo puts has hand on his waist::

Ryo-san: Hmmm...

::He stands a little "Tea Pot"::  
::Ryo stands straight after realizing his stance::

Ryo-san: No... no! I'm not gay!

::Ryo switches his radio on::

Man on Radio: Do you want the line in your life to be a little more straight?  
Ryo-san: AHHH!!!

::Ryo shuts off the radio::  
::He stammers out of the house::  
::Iwao was taking a bath in the fish pond, butt naked::

Ryo-san:(covering his eyes) Father!  
Iwao:(soaping his armpits) Oh hi son.  
Ryo-san: Why are you bathing in the fish pond!?  
Iwao: Uhhh duh. No shower. I thought I tought you better.  
Ryo-san: Whatever! WHATEVER! ARRGHHH!! I HATE MY LIFE!

::Ryo breaks through the gate and down the street::

"Dobuita"

Mail Man: Hey Ryo!  
Ryo-san: Hey.  
Nozomi's Grandmother: Ryo!  
Ryo-san: What's up?  
Kids on the Street: Ryo! Ryo!

::Ryo feels for the attention, but soon it starts to get a little aggravating::  
::He picks up his pace, and before too long, the whole street was saying his name as he went by::

"Lapis Fortune Teller"

::Ryo runs in and shuts the door behind him::

Ryo-san: Animals...  
Lapis: Hello.  
Ryo-san: What's my name?  
Lapis: Beats the fuck out of me.  
Ryo-san: Oh thank God!

::Ryo gives Lapis a big hug::

Lapis: Looks like you need the seek of the magic ball.  
Ryo-san: Say what?

::Lapis sits down in front of her ball::

Lapis: Please, have a seat.  
Ryo-san:(thinking of the outside) That's not a bad idea actually.

::Ryo takes a seat::

Lapis: You seem troubled.  
Ryo-san:(moving in closer) Everyone seems to know me to well now. Their calling my name everywhere I go.  
Lapis: Oh you need the ball definately. I'll give you a discount.  
Ryo-san: It's like, the whole world seems to be revolving around me.  
Lapis. It's ok... Ryo.

::Ryo stands up::

Ryo-san: What did you call me?  
Lapis: U-Uh... Rick!  
Ryo-san: No no I heard what you called me. You called me Ryo!  
Lapis: That is your name isn't it?  
Ryo-san: But you aren't suppose to know it!  
Lapis: I'm a Fortune Teller numbnuts.  
Ryo-san: I knew that!  
Lapis: Let me do a reading.

::Ryo sits back down::

Ryo-san: I'd like to know my future.  
Lapis: Of course.

::Lapis waves her hand around the ball::

Lapis: Uh whooo! Ah ha! Ah ha! Ah ha! Ah ha!

::Ryo yawns::

Lapis: Ah ha!...  
Ryo-san: That's getting annoying.  
Lapis: You are a star.  
Ryo-san: Of what?  
Lapis: A videogame. Many players will play you soon.  
Ryo-san: Is that why everyone knows my name?!  
Lapis: Possibly. Your future is unraveling in front of me right now.  
Ryo-san: Can you tell me more?  
Lapis: I'm sorry, my ball has gone dark. But I have many other balls if you'd wait.

::Ryo stands up and heads for the door::

Ryo-san: No. I'd rather not see anymore of your balls. Thank you.  
Lapis: I have all shapes and sizes young one.

::Ashton Kutchen runs out with a camera crew::

Ashton: You've been PUNK'd! Ha!

::He puts his arm around Ryo::

Ashton: Yeah! HAhahahaha! PUNK'D! HAHAHA!

::Lapis starts to get jiggy wit it::

"Hazuki Residence"

::Ryo walks up to Iwao who was strangely staring at windchimes::

Ryo-san: Father I-  
Iwao: Sh! Watch.

::Iwao points at the windchimes::

Ryo-san: Father what am I looking for?  
Iwao: Watch the direction of the chimes.

::The chimes blew left::  
::Moments later, they blow right::

Iwao: The wind keeps shifting...  
Ryo-san: And your point is?  
Iwao: Something fishy is going on in this town.  
Ryo-san: Your telling me.

"Kitchen"

Ryo-san:(startled) Ah! Who are you?!

::The refrigerator door closes::

? Man: You don't recognize me?  
Ryo-san: Afraid I don't.  
? Man: I'm Jason Bourne!  
Ryo-san: Really?!  
Jason Bourne: Yeah! I went through a time machine! It's amazing.

::Bourne takes a sip of Ryo's apple juice.

Ryo-san: Your drinking my juice man!  
Jason Bourne: My bad.

::A fork drops on the floor::  
::Bourne hides behind the door::

Jason Bourne: Their here!  
Ryo-san: Who?  
Jason Bourne: The C.I.A!  
Ryo-san: That was a fork.

::The front door opens::  
::A mysterious man walks in::

Ryo-san:(whispering) Quick! Hide!  
Jason Bourne: Where?!

::Ryo opens the oven::

Ryo-san: In here. They'll never know.

::Bourne steps in::  
::The automatic starter switches on::

C.I.A. Man: Hello.  
Ryo-san: Hi.  
C.I.A. Man: Have you seen a man about yay high, short hair, has a mole on his face?  
Ryo-san: Haven't seen him.

::The man leaves::  
::Ryo turns around and opens the oven::

Ryo-san: Jason Bourne the coast is... ew. Cooked Bourne anyone?!

"Television Commercial"

Man: The end of the world! It's coming faster than you know it people! Cops surrounding the streets, the Earth drawing closer to the sun, and for Ryo Hazuki, he may know more than we know...

"Hazuki Residence"

::Ryo drops his drink on himself::

Ryo-san: Jesus Christ!  
Mysterious Voice: Star Ryo.  
Ryo-san: Where?  
Mysterious Voice: You-are-the-star.  
Ryo-san: Of what?!  
Mysterious Man: My creation...  
Ryo-san: Who are YOU?!?!

"Sega Productions Company. 1996."

Man:( peaking into Yu Suzuki's Office): Yu!  
Yu Suzuki: Gimme a minute.  
Man: You've been slaving over that computer for days Yu. Take a break man.  
Yu Suzuki:(pouring with sweat) Never! I have competition.  
Man: Face the facts, your game will never be as great as Ronald's.  
Yu Suzuki: We'll see about that!

::Yu finishes up his digital work on creating Shenmue and takes a break::  
::He closes up in his office and walks out with a notebook of all of his Shenmue ideas::  
::Ronald comes out of nowhere and purposely knocks the notebook out of Yu's hands::  
::Ronald and his men laugh::

Ronald: Look at little Yu. Thinks he can compete against my wonderful new racing game.  
Yu Suzuki: How did you get in here?!  
Ronald: I have my ways. I just got critic rating on my new Videogame. It's off the wall.

::Ronald walks off laughing with his friends::

Ronald: See you at E3, dead man.

::Yu balls his fists::  
::He thinks of his childhood::  
::It reforms in his head like nothing ever before::

"The Park. 1942."

::Yu was playing baseball with his buddies::  
::He was up for batter::  
::He swings.. misses... swings again.. misses again... swings the last time... misses::

Umpire: Three strikes! Your out!

::After an hour, he bats again::

Umpire: Three strikes! Your out!  
Yu Suzuki: Three! I hate the number three! Stop saying that!  
Umpire:(laughing) THREE THREE THREE STRIKES YOUR OUT!

::Yu runs off crying::

Yu Suzuki:(ripping off all of his batting gear) I will never create anything with the number 3! NEVER!


	23. Episode 23: Inesan VS Ryo

Episode 23: S.I.

"Sega Company. 2007."

Ryo-san: Look Yu, if we don't start Shenmue 3 soon im quitting.

::Two minutes later, Yu fires Ryo::

Ryo-san:(walking out with his box full of things) Man I've had it with Sega! I'm going to go work for someone else!  
Yu Suzuki: Yeah yeah. Leave my office.  
Ryo-san: Fine! I hope you NEVER have a sucessful game ever again! I hope your wife makes crack babies from your DNA and you have crack pipes all around your house!  
Yu Suzuki: Security!!

::Ryo gets tossed out of Sega::

Ryo-san: You'll be sorry Yu! You hear me?! SORRY!

"Hazuki Residence"

::Iwao sits outside in a lawn chair, in his boxers, a beer belly, and a beer in his hand::

Ryo-san: Father, fuck! I need to get used to being out of character! Dipshit! Yu fired me.  
Iwao: Looks like we have nowhere to go now...

::A realtor walks in with a family behind her::

Realtor: This is the biggest house on the block. Let me show you around...  
Ryo-san: We have to do something fatass! Their taking our house!  
Iwao: Let 'em take it. We're finished son. I hated Yu anyways for killing me off in the first scene. That ass.  
Ryo-san: I'm getting another job.

::Ryo storms off the property::

Realtor:(over Iwao) Excuse me sir? But I'm going to tell to have to tell you that this isn't your property anymore and to leave.  
Iwao: Lemme finish this beer first. Cheers!

::The mom of the family covers her little girls ears::

"Bungie VideoGame Corp Interview."

Bungie: So what makes you think you can fill the role as Master Chief?  
Ryo-san: Well... I can run, I have fast reactions when buttons appear on the screen, and I can fight and run around for a long period of time. Actually, really long.  
Bungie: Have you ever fired a gun?  
Ryo-san: My last boss, Yu Suzuki, didn't believe in weapons. He said it just made the world closer to it's end. Sometimes though, when I was facing some of my fo's in that stupid game, I wished I could of just poped a cape in their asses!  
Bungie: Are you even capable of running around in a MJOLNIR suit?  
Ryo-san: Whatever can get me out of this brown jacket, I don't care!  
Bungie: What can you do, Mr. Hazuki, that will make Halo any better than it already is?  
Ryo-san: Well, I can throw a punch...  
Bungie: Will that really save planet Earth? You throwing some neasly punch?  
Ryo-san: Listen here smartass, I need a job. I'm unemployed and I'm loosing my house. My father is a no good piece of shit that doesn't care and I seem to be on my own with this! So please!  
Bungie: Ok that's it tuff guy, SECURITY!!!

::Security walks up behind Ryo and siezes him by his arms::

Ryo-san:(struggling) No wait please! Gimme anything, I'll be a marine, an elite, a GRUNT!  
Bungie: A grunt you say?  
Ryo-san: Anything not to work with Sega again!

"One Week Later"

::Ryo was dressed in a Grunt Alien suit::

Ryo-san: Ok, what am I suppose to do here?  
Bungie: Your going to see Master Chief. Your going to throw about two or three Plasma Grenades then your going to run.  
Ryo-san: Ok. Sounds fun!

::Ryo goes for about a week, dying constantly and not making enough to keep his house so he quits::

Ryo-san: Maybe I should just go to Super Smash Brothers Melee. Most of the retiring VideoGame Characters go there anyways. Except Link and Mario.

"SSBM"

::Ryo stands in a long line full of retiring VideoGame Characters::

Sephiroth: I can't believe I became so famous. All I did was say some bullshit like I'm to destroy the world and everyone loved me!  
Cloud: You were my idol though Sephy. Everyone loved you. Squaresoft just made me some emo faggot and left me in the corner to vent about how bad my life was.  
Ryo-san:(tapping on Cloud) Excuse me, but at least your game wasn't finished halfway.  
Sephiroth: Hahaha I know you! Your that Ryo dude that fell off a cliff for something after the floating sword.  
Ryo-san:(turning red) I didn't fall! My maker just got Hooked on Phonics and didn't think about making a third.  
Cloud: Hahaha, that's what they all say.  
Ryo-san: At least I don't carry around some big sword to make the woman think I have a big jhonny.  
Cloud: How'd you know?!  
Sephiroth: Don't listen to this clown Cloud, we all know our FInal Fantasy Videogames became more famous than his.  
Ness:(crying up ahead) I hated retirement. Earth Bound was my home.  
Dead or Alive Girls:(hugging up around Ness) It's ok little boy. We feel your pain.

::Ness secretively smiles::

Cloud: You want some of me tuff guy?!

::Cloud gets in Ryo's face::

Cloud: If I only had my sword!  
Sephiroth: It's not worth it Cloud, we have no magic in the real world!  
Ryo-san: But I got a punch!

::Ryo punches one in Cloud's face::  
::Cloud gets up and swings at Ryo::

Ryo-san:(dodging) You swing like a bitch!  
Sephiroth: (holding Cloud back) Save it for the Melee Cloud!  
Cloud: See you inside buddy!

"Zhao's Penthouse. 1985."

::Zhao walks out of his bathroom in a bath robe::  
::He's greeted by a kiss from his girlfriend::

Zhao's Girlfriend: I love you Zhao.

::The phone rings::  
::Zhao answers::

Zhao:(answering) Talk.  
Lan Di: Dad!  
Zhao: Lan Di Sama, how's life on your own now?  
Lan Di: Hectic. I need to ask for some money. I'm in debt.  
Zhao: Already?! Jesus Christ! A week on your own and your already up your ass! Your moving back home.  
Lan Di: No I'm not.  
Zhao: Yes you are.  
Lan Di: NO I'M NOT DAD!  
Zhao: Get the money yourself then! And come get your damn comic books I'm sick of seeing them!

::Zhao slams the phone on the hook::

Zhao: Worthless...

"Lan Di's Mansion"

Lan Di: Well men, we're gonna have to cancel that pizza now.

::Lan Di's men groan::

"Zhao's Penthouse"

Zhao:(shaking) Now that Lan Di Sama has moved out, there's a great big bubble of desire just bursting to come outta me.  
Zhao's Girlfriend: Really?! Is it kinky?  
Zhao: I don't know what it is. I feel like I've been encaged in doing what I wanted to do because I had to take care of Lan Di Sama.  
Zhao's Girlfriend: Well, we have the house to ourselves...  
Zhao: I just feel it aching out... so much pressure.

::Zhao's girlfriend gets naked::

Zhao: It's like I wanna do it, I wanna do it. I'm waiting for the right moment.

::Zhao's girlfriend jumps on the bed and spreads her legs::

Zhao's Girlfriend: Fuck me NOW! ZHAO!  
Zhao: It's coming... oh, it's coming...!

::Zhao farts::

Zhao:(in relief) Ahhhhh... much better.

"Hazuki Residence"

::Ine-san tosses and turns one night while Iwao was on his vacation to China::  
::She feels an odd breeze blow over her body::  
::What could it of been?::  
::It was a unfamiliar feeling::  
::Ine-san steps out of bed and walks towards Ryo's Room::  
::She takes a peak inside::

Ine-san: Ryo-san? You feel that?

::Ryo was leaning his head on the shoulder of a beautiful woman::

Ryo-san: Hello Ine-san. I'd like for you to meet my mother.  
Ine-san: Y-Your mother?!  
Ryo's Mother: Nice to finally meet you... Ine-san.  
Ine-san: Your dead.  
Ryo-san: She's not anymore. And we're gonna be a family again, right mother?  
Ryo's Mother: Right you are.

::She looks deadly into Ine-san eyes::  
::Ine-san gets freaked out and walks into her room, locking the door::

"Zhao's Penthouse"

::Zhao's girlfriend was trying to tug him to the bed::

Zhao's Girlfriend: Finally your son's gone and you want to take no part in me!  
Zhao: Shut up hoe! I'm playing Mario!

::Zhao was intranced in the videogame::  
::A knock was heard at the door::

Zhao's Girlfriend:(answering the door) Yes?  
Iwao: Is Zhao here.  
Zhao's Girlfriend: Yes! But he's too busy fucking Mario then me but it's all good.  
Iwao: May I speak with him?  
Zhao's Girlfriend: ZHAO!  
Zhao:(on his side, intensed in the game) Hold on! I'm fighting BOO!

::Zhao's girlfriend snatches a towel and starts to beat Zhao with it::

Zhao's Girlfriend: You have a guest! Attend to him! NOW!  
Zhao: God! No peace around here!

::Zhao pauses the game and greets Iwao::

Zhao: Yeah? What you want?

::Iwao shoots Zhao with a silencer and runs off::  
::Zhao's girlfriend runs up to him and holds his bloody body in her arms::

Zhao's Girlfriend: Zhao! Oh my God! I'm calling the ambulence!  
Zhao:(his last words) Don't let Boo escape! Save PEACH!

::Zhao's girlfriend drops him on the ground::

Zhao's Girlfriend: Your hopeless! I'm glad your dead!

::Zhao croaks... then dies::

"Hazuki Residence"

::Ine-san and Ryo sit at the kitchen table, waiting for Ryo's mother to make them dinner::  
::Ryo's mother slips rat poison into Ine-san's sake::

Ryo's Mother: Here we are.

::She places the food in front of the two::

Ryo's Mother: Eat up.  
Ryo-san:(tasting his first taste) Mmmmm.. this is wonderful Mother.  
Ryo's Mother: Just like you hunny.  
Ine-san: Who do you think you are?  
Ryo's Mother: His Mother... who are you?  
Ine-san: Iwao said I was much better in bed then you will ever be.  
Ryo's Mother: That's why he married me and your still a housekeeper, right?

::Ine-san stands up, pushes her chair on the way, and stands right up to Ryo's mother's face::

Ine-san: We can go right here, right now bitch.  
Ryo's Mother: The more the merrier.  
Ine-san: I'll break your dead bones into two. It won't be hard.  
Ryo's Mother: I'd love to see your wrinkly ass try.  
Ine-san: At least I'm alive.  
Ryo's Mother: Not for long...

::Ryo's mother puts Ine-san into a headlock and drives her head into the refrigerator::

Ryo-san: FIGHT!

::Someone knocks at the door::  
::Ryo answers::

Police Officer: Is everything alright in there? The neighbors complained about a loud noise?  
Ryo-san: Everything's just fine and dandy...

::Ine-san and Ryo's Mother pass the doorway, punching and kicking at each other::

Ine-san: Ryo's mine!  
Ryo's Mother: Like hell he is! HE'S MINE!  
Police Officer: Oh... I see...  
Ryo-san:(a breath of assurance) Yeah... imma pimp. Don't hate.

::Ryo shuts the door::  
::Wrapped up in the intense fight, Ryo's mother rips off Ine-san's clothes::

Ryo's Mother: No wonder your mad.  
Ine-san: DIE!!!!!

::Ine-san grabs a butcher knife and starts to whale it at Ryo's mother::

Ryo's mother:(in between dodges) Iwao's going to be with the better woman!  
Ine-san:(in between slashes) Which is me!  
Ryo's Mother: Did I tell you about when I took Iwao's virginity? He was in the school band. Wow, I'll never forget his cute little, geeky band dimples.  
Ine-san: Did I ever tell you about the time that I took a shit on your grave one night walking home?! I held it in ALL day for you!  
Ryo's Mother: Just face it! Your not good enough for Iwao!

::Ine-san slashes Ryo's mother's dress straps off::  
::Ryo's mother's dress falls::

Ine-san: Now I see what all the fuss was about...  
Ryo's Mother: Playmate of the Year. 1975.  
Ine-san: DIE!!!!!!  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


	24. Episode 24: Trouble in China

Episode 24: S.I.

"A Hill of Rocks facing a Desert. 1960" 

Xiuying:(begging) ZIMING! Please don't go! Don't leave me!  
Ziming:(standing strong, facing the warm, hot desert) I must. I have to.  
Xiuying: No you don't! It's suicidle!  
Ziming: I must avenge Mother and Father, Xiuying. You wouldn't understand. Joining the Chiyumen is my only option.  
Xiuying: Why join them? They kill people you idiot. They're the ones who probably killed our parents bright one.   
Ziming:(heroicly) It's my destiny.  
Xiuying: Didn't you like it better at the orphanage when people called us parentless and kicked us in the mud all day and called us no good, lifeless, without parents, rejects?! I sure did!  
Ziming: That built me stronger as a person. Thank God for that mud, and those people. Thank God for it all Xiuying!

::Ziming hops down the rocks and out onto the desert grounds::

Xiuying:(from the rocks uptop) There's a desert in front of you and you have nothing to live off of!  
Ziming: I have my Master Card. Maybe I'll find a Mcdonalds or something on the way.

::Ziming walks up to his personally built plane and opens the door::

Ziming: I should be at the Chiyumen's Residence in no time.

::Ziming steps into the plane and starts to take off::

Xiuying:(running after Ziming) ZIMING! COME BACK! You haven't french kissed me goodbye yet!

::Suddenly, Ziming's plane starts to tremble::  
::It swerves to the left, then the right, then the front end crashes flat into the desert ground::   
::The plane blows up::  
::Ziming flys out, on fire, and rolls on the ground, putting the fire out::

Xiuying: Brother! Are you alright?!  
Ziming:(standing to his feet and making the field goal sign) I'm GOOD! I'm good.

::The plane propeller flys down from the sky and lands on Ziming, crushing him::

Xiuying: ZIIIIIMMMIIINNNGGG!!!!

"Bar. 1986." 

::Xiuying's story that she just revieled, to a few nice sailors she just met, faded out in front of her eyes::

Xiuying:... and that's what happened. I never saw my brother again.

::The three sailors around her had their arms on her shoulder, rubbing her::

Sailor #1: It's ok sweetheart. I lost my grandmother not to long ago.  
Sailor #2: I lost my brother too. Heartbreaking...  
Sailor #3: Have you been with a man since then?   
Xiuying: No. I try to stay distant now. That really took a big toll on me.  
Sailor #3:(leaning behind Xiuying and whispering to the other sailors) Rock, paper, scissors to see who fucks this skank tonight.

::The sailors start to play the game behind Xiuying's back::

Xiuying:(totally unaware of the sailors game) And the funny thing is, that story built me stronger as a person. You know?

::Xiuying turns around::  
::The sailors go back to normal quickly, switching to understanding, remorseful faces::

Sailor #1: Uh huh. Yeah. Well, that's good!   
Xiuying:(turning back around) Yeah. (smiling for once) I'm so glad I finally met some good guys.

"Hotel. Second Floor" 

::Ren makes out with a little school girl he just met that night in the hallway::  
::The school girl fingers her way to her room while she was making out::  
::She opens the door and stumbles in the room, still making out::  
::Finally, she breaks away from Ren::

School Girl: I didn't think we would make it to the room.  
Ren:(getting excited) Sex. Let's flip on it! I called heads!  
School Girl: Hahaha, I'll win!  
Ren:(lifting up his eyebrow) Ya sure?  
School Girl: You wait right here big boi.

::The school girls walks into her room and shuts the door::  
::Ren quickly takes out a little bag from his pocket and starts to shove all the valuable orniments he could find around the apartment::  
::He goes to the window and opens it::

Ren:(peaking out the window) Cool J?  
Cool J:(from below) Yo.  
Ren: Heads up.

::Ren tosses out the bag::

Cool J:(from below) Oh cool! The Breakfast Club!  
Ren: Shut your mouth Cool J. That's my movie. Go stand under the next window.

::Ren hears the school girl's door open::  
::He shuts the window fast and pretends to do something else::

School Girl: What are you up to you kinky little thug you?!  
Ren: Waiting for you my kinky little school girl.. uh... you!

::The school girl signals Ren to come into her room::  
::Ren follows::

School Girl: Like my room? I made it all special for you.  
Ren: Are we still flipping on the sex?

::The school girl turns around and starts to undress her back zipper slowly::  
::Ren takes out another bag quickly, shoves all of her jewlrey from the table next to him and opens her bedroom window, tossing it out::  
::The school girl turns around:: 

School Girl: What's the window doing open?  
Ren: Uhhhh... the night. It's so romantic.  
School Girl:(turning back around) ... and I wonder what the sex is going to be like.

::Ren grabs her television and pushes it out::  
::He hears it crash below::

Old Lady from below: Oh my God! Ruffy!  
Cool J: The skies falling! Everyone run!

::Cop sirens were heard:: 

School Girl: What was that?!  
Ren:... a crash. That's what the sex is gonna be like. Hard and ruff! Like a crash.

::The school girls runs and pounces on Ren::

"Lan Di's Mansion" 

Lan Di:(giggling childly on the phone) Hehehe... really? Oh your bad Terry. Oh your really bad. You shouldn't be saying this to my virgin ears... ok say it! Hehehe... 

::Lan Di's guards bust into the room::

Lan Di: Oh uh... (clearing his voice) Yes Wilson I will definately turn in those documents you wanted immediately.

::Lan Di hangs up::

Lan Di: What do you imbosals want! Good news I hope!  
Guards: Lan Di! We found the mirrors!  
Lan Di: Perfect! Take me to them!

"The Mirror Market" 

Guard #1:(explaining) Well you see Master, there's all kinds of mirrors here. This one is really clear, I can see myself in it perfectly. My acne. My little birthmarks I've had since I was born. This is really special Master.  
Lan Di:(shaking) GODDAMNIT YOU USELESS BRATS! Did I NOT clearly explain that the "mirrors" that I want are green and have some dragon on it with a uhh...

::Guard #2 leans over to Lan Di's ear::

Guard #2: A pheonix sir.  
Lan Di:(whacking the guard away) I KNEW THAT! I'm not stupid!

::Lan Di takes Guard #1's mirror and smashes it on the ground::

Lan Di: No more bullshit! I want the real ones!  
Store Owner: Hey! That'll be five nighty-five!  
Lan Di:(pulling out his wallet) I'm so sorry. Do you take debit?

"Joy's House" 

::Joy sits on her bed, reading "How To Build Motocycles For Dummies"::   
::Joy's father walks in with a large box::

Joy's Father: Joy. Sweetheart. I have a gift for you.  
Joy: I told you not to call me sweetheart anymore Dad. It's Billy.  
Joy's Father: Right. Anyways, open up!

::Joy rips open the box and pulls out a Barbie House::  
::Joy's father smiles::  
::Joy looks him into the eyes::

Joy's Father: Oh I always knew ya had it in ya! 

::Joy smashes the barbie house on the floor::

Joy: I'm not girly DAD! STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME BE ONE!  
Joy's Father: For God's sake sweetheart! I-I mean, Billy, you need to have more faminin in your life! This isn't healthy!  
Joy: You keeping me back from being what I want to be isn't healthy. I hang with the guys. I ride with the guys. I ride the guys! Ok?!  
Joy's Father: Fair enough.  
Joy: JESUS DAD!

::Joy storms out the room::   
::Joy's father follows closely behind::

Joy's Father:(following) What about some make up? Your starting to look like a bike!  
Joy: No.  
Joy's Father: A razor?! Soon enough I'll be having to walk around the house saying,"Me Jane. Tarzan help."  
Joy: NO DAD! Leave me alone! I'm going out for a race!  
Joy's Father: And come home with MORE speeding tickets! That's just great Joy! Put our family in more debt!

::Joy's little brother runs up to Joy::

Joy's Brother: Hey Joy! Let's play some football!  
Joy's Father: There ya go! A football! 

::Joy kicks her little brother across the room and keeps walking::

Joy's Father: Your brother isn't the football goddamnit! Clear your head! Use your pussy! BE A WOMAN!  
Joy: I'd rather ride bikes.  
Joy's Father: I'd rather you be the best piece of ass in three states then continue riding a motorcycle!

::Joy get on her motocycle and revs it up::  
::She rides off into the wind::

Joy's Father: NOOOOOO!!!!

"Ren's Hideout" 

Ren: Break the beat Cool J!

::Cool J turns on a tune with his red beatbox::  
::He starts to break dance::  
::Ren moves his shoulders back and forth to the beat, waiting for the right moment to put his word in::

Ren:(rapping) Look at how I live, livin' day by day makin' dibs on where the money is,  
it's a cryin' shame to live this way, expecially when I gotta look at this fat fuck all motherfuckin' day.  
His names Cool J he's really fat, he carries a beatbox around all day, what?! Ya think you black?!  
You far from it, when a real black man spits real game to ya you wouldn't know nothin' of it,  
im sick of flowing these words about fatasses and money, yeah fatasses like Cool J that have a million fat cells flowin' through his tummy.  
Did I not mention that mohawk that sticks so high, it looks like somethin' crawled up there and straight up died.  
Oh my, it's time, to Cool J to break a ryhme. He will try, I'll prolly laugh so hard I'd think I'm high. Hit it Cool J!

::Ren moves back and forth, egging on Cool J::  
::Cool J steps back and laughs::  
::He sets his beatbox on the table::

Cool J:(rapping) Shut the fuck up Ren, do I have to tell you again?!  
it's a sin to make a ryhme so weak, simply one that I can simply beat!  
Simply one to simplify the words I can for this little man, but I'll have to make it just that simple so your pea sized brain can understand.  
Ren, so I play a beatbox all the time, that's why your pussy ass ryhme is gonna get defined by this ryhme.  
Don't come in here spittin' childish bullshit at me, it sounded like something from a fortune cookie you got off some Chinese Tree,  
one, two, three, I forgot? I think that's how many millimeters your penis was when I caught you naked in the bathroom smokin' that pot.  
I don't know if that size if from God, or that pot, but your prolly make the ladies run off and play connect the dots.  
Why you always wear that doorag on your head, prolly 'cause your ryhmes suck and your braincells are dead.  
Always searching for money it's never workin', How come all I see is one dollars bills in this motherfuckin' circus!  
And those coins, you need them to win your little flips, well I'm bettin' on your life, I call heads!

::Cool J flips a real coin and it lands on heads::

Cool J:(rapping) It's head, three shots, ya dead!   
That makes a lot of sense expecially with this ryhme contest, my words shot you dead, took your soul, there's nothing more to be said.   
So I'm gonna end this quickly before you shit yourself more than you prolly already are, I've gone to far, so Im gonna walk my fatass on somewhere to eat a Snickers bar.  
PEACE! 


	25. Episode 25: The FINAL Confrontation

Episode 25: S.I.  
FINAL EPISODE: 

"Outside the Club. 1963." 

::Iwao pulls up to the club in his 1963 Jaguar E-Type::  
::He opens his car door and watches all of his Pink Floyd and Beatle Cassett Tapes fall out::  
::He stands out in his Beatles Suit. Ya know, the slim pants, crouch and all::  
::Iwao was really into that type of thing::

Iwao: V.I.P. All dranks on me.

::Iwao slips on some sunglasses and walks in::  
::A video appears in the glasses in his left eye vision::  
::A man pops up::

Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: Iwao. Welcome to the hottest club in Yokosuka.  
Iwao: I've been to this one a million times brotha.   
Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: What I meant was, welcome to this club where you can finally understand what's going on!  
Iwao: That's right, I've been drunk everytime I've came here.  
Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: Many failed missions...  
Iwao: So who am I looking to kill tonight?

::Iwao browsing throughout all of the flashing lights, dancers, and drunk clubers::

Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: His name is Red Eye Whoopie. He's a very dangerous, infamous killer and thief. There's an undercover agent here in the club. Use your agent tactics to find her. Good luck. 

::Buff Brotha signs off::

Iwao: Wait! Buff Brotha! A description please.  
Buff Brotha From Another Motha: He will have a tatoo on his right arm off a big red ass.

::Iwao lifts his eyebrow::

Iwao: I've seen plenty of those.

::Iwao takes off his sunglasses and takes a seat at the bar::

Iwao:(to the bartender) So what's groovy tonight Tod?  
Bartender: My name isn't Tod.  
Iwao: Riiiight. Gimme a tonic, on the house.

::Iwao nodds his head cockily::

Bartender: I'll give you one that you'll have to pay for smartass.  
Iwao: Whatever freezes the balls off a brass monkey!

::Iwao downs his whole alcoholic drink and turns towards a fine woman who was sitting to his left::

Iwao: Hey there. Come here often?  
? Woman:(her face turning red) N-Not really. This is actually my first time.  
Iwao: You can relax tonight, I am one of the favorites here.

::Iwao turns towards a man who was walking by the bar::

Iwao: Hey there Tom.  
Man: Hey loser.  
Iwao: See! I'd love to buy you a drink.  
? Woman: Sure.

::Iwao snaps his fingers::  
::The bartender dumps the drink on Iwao's head::  
::A few seconds go by::

Iwao: I'm wet for you.  
? Woman: How about a dance.  
Iwao: That's what I really wanted.

::Iwao holds his hand out and takes the woman on the dancefloor::

Iwao: So what's your name?  
? Woman: Kiyoko Maeda  
Iwao: Far out!

::Iwao and Kiyoko start to dance their hearts out::  
::Another woman steps into Iwao's view and holds out a gun and winks::  
::Iwao keeps dancing::  
::The woman takes out a whole bunch of C.I.A gadgets and shows Iwao::  
::Iwao keeps dancing::  
::The woman flips her hand at Iwao and runs off::  
::Iwao's sunglasses start to vibrate in his pants::

Iwao:(enjoying the vibration) Ewwww weeee!   
Kiyoko: What's that?  
Iwao: Hold on one second. Don't go running off.

::Iwao steps to the side and puts on his sunglasses::  
::Buff Brotha appears::

Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: Have you gone bonkers Iwao?! Your agent just signaled you!  
Iwao:(getting tense) WHERE?! WHERE IS SHE?!  
Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: Now the whole mission could be at stake now!   
Iwao: Never. I have a license to be dangerous.

::Suddenly, Iwao spots a man with a red tatoo stealing drinks from the bar:: 

Iwao:(pulling out his 9mm) Buff Brotha. I think I just found the perpetrator! (magnifying his voice) HEY WHOOPIE!

::The thief looks at Iwao and runs off with the alcohol:;  
::Iwao runs after him from behind, stopping at Kiyoko::  
::He leans her over and lays a kiss on her::

Iwao: We will meet again.  
Kiyoko: I hope not.  
Iwao: I love you.  
Kiyoko: And I don't.

::Iwao runs for whoopie::

"Alleyway Outside of the Club." 

::Whoopie was far ahead, dropping some of his alcohol beers on the way::

Iwao:(struggling to follow behind) Stop! Show me your red ass!  
Red Eye Whoopie: NEVER!

::A black corvette comes out at the end of the alleyway and runs whoopie over::  
::Buff Brotha gets out of the car::

Iwao: Brotha! Why you come?!   
Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: Thought you may of needed some help.  
Iwao: I'm a one team man!

::Whoopie gets up and pepper sprays Buff Brotha, then runs off and gets away::

Iwao: NOOOO!!!! Brotha?! Are you alright?!  
Buff Brotha From Anotha Motha: Don't mind me. Our killer is getting away!

::Iwao sees Kiyoko walk out of the club::

Iwao:(eyeing down Kiyoko) It's too late. He's already gone. We'll get him again.

::Iwao walks up to Kiyoko::

Iwao: Told you we'd meet again.  
Kiyoko: I figured, but I didn't figure it'd be so soon.  
Iwao: How about we get out of here.  
Kiyoko: Ok.

::Iwao and Kiyoko drive off into the night, soon to make a baby and have little Ryo-san:: 

"Lan Di's Mansion. 1986" 

::Lan Di walks into his room, takes off his robe and opens his closet::   
::Chai was hidden in the closet::

Chai:(eagerly) Lan D- 

::He was interrupted with a robe being thrown into his face::   
::Lan Di didn't notice him::  
::He shuts his closet::  
::He opens his room door::  
::Chai was waiting out on the outside with open arms::

Chai: It's about time, I have finally-

::Lan Di tosses a glass at his face without looking at him::  
::The glass shatters in Chai's face::

Lan Di: Take care of that for me. Will ya?

::Lan Di shuts the door::

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Master Chen and Gui Zhang walk up to the door::

Gui Zhang: He isn't going to believe us Father. Who would?  
Master Chen: Hush it Gui Zhang. I am an expert at this.

::Master Chen knocks::  
::Iwao answers::

Master Chen: Hello Iwao. May we come in?  
Iwao: No.  
Gui Zhang: I told you this wouldn't work Father. Let's go.  
Master Chen: Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up Gui Zhang? Let me handle this.  
Gui Zhang: Grrrrrr.  
Master Chen: Your in grave danger Iwao. A man is coming to kill you.  
Iwao: No way! Really?!  
Master Chen:(gaining confidence) Yes. Really. You must beware of them, pack all of your things, and get out of here.  
Iwao: I don't think I can do that, but thank you for your time.

::Iwao slams the door in the two's faces::

Gui Zhang:(looking at Master Chen like,"I told you so!") Uhhmmm...  
Master Chen: Oh shut up! You see this is the reason your never allowed to do anything after work.

::Master Chen and Gui Zhang argue on the way out::

Gui Zhang: I want you to know that that isn't healthy Father!  
Master Chen: Your grounded for another year.  
Gui Zhang: Another year?! Father! I'm a grown man.  
Master Chen: Then get off your lazy ass and find a place, but until then, you live under my rules.  
Gui Zhang: FAAAAATTTHHHERRR! GOD!

"On the side of the road. Somewhere in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, Yokosuka" 

Guard #1: Lan Di Sama, I think we're lost.   
Lan Di:(sitting in the backseat) You think I'm stupid?! I knew that! Gimme that map again!

::Guard #2 hands Lan Di the map:: 

Lan Di:(browsing over the map) Ok... you turn there... drive past there... hahaha, that resteraunt was really good... ok you stop there.. and now we're here!

::Lan Di balls up the map::

Lan Di: We should be in the right place.

::A farmer walks up to the car and tapes on the window::  
::Guard #1 rolls down the window::

Farmer: Are you boys lost?  
Lan Di: Yeah, actually we are. We're looking for Yomanose.  
Farmer: Yamanose?! 

::The farmer starts bursting out into laughter::  
::Lan Di and his guards look at the farmer in confusment::

Lan Di: Uhhh, what's so funny?  
Farmer: Get your asses back on the highway. Your in the country.

::Lan Di slaps his guards heads::

Lan Di: The country?! Didn't I tell you that when I saw that cow you imposals!  
Guards: We told you to turn around Master!  
Lan Di: I thought you said home bound! You know what, shut up! Let's get on the highway. NOW!

::Guard #1 drives off::

"During Shenmue 2."   
"A campfire." 

Shenhua: You never talk about your Father that much Ryo.  
Ryo-san: Father... ya know something, I believe I remember the last convorsation that I had with him...

"Hazuki Residence. 1986." 

::Ryo walks out for a day on the town::

Iwao: Son..  
Ryo-san: Yes Father?

::Iwao walks up to him::

Iwao: I want to thank you for being such a great son to me. Calling me Father everytime you responded to me, listening to my gritty lessons on the Hazuki Style, but all and all, you've developed in such a way that's made me very proud of you.   
Ryo-san: I appreciate that Father. I really do.  
Iwao: You were my favorite son.  
Ryo-san: Wasn't I your only son?   
Iwao:(thinking deeply) Yes.. yes you were. That's more of the loving.  
Ryo-san: I see.

::Iwao puts his hand on Ryo's shoulder::

Iwao: I feel those broad shoulders.   
Ryo-san:(looking at Iwao's hands) Thank you.

::Iwao squeezes Ryo's shoulders::  
::Ryo stands very uncomfortable:: 

Iwao:(clearing his voice) Uhhmm... well! I'm sure you want to get going.  
Ryo-san: I wouldn't mind. But thank you for the convorsation. A son and father talk is always good for a family.   
Iwao: Son, I've always had an infatuation with you.  
Ryo-san: An infatu-wadah?  
Iwao: I've created something so beautiful. You'd make your mother proud boy.  
Ryo-san: Why are you looking at me like that?

::Iwao takes his hand of Ryo's shoulder::

Iwao: You know what, I'm sorry.  
Ryo-san: No I'm sorry. I shouldn't of worked out.  
Iwao: No no your right. Too much love. I'm sorry.   
Ryo-san: Father, I'm sorry.  
Iwao: I'm SORRY!  
Ryo-san: Well, I gotta go.

::Iwao opens the door for Ryo::

Iwao: Allow me.  
Ryo-san:(looking at Iwao weirdly) By Father.   
Iwao:(smiling) By son.

"Yomanose" 

Lan Di: YOMANOSE! We did it men!

::The guards cheer::

Guards: Lan Di! I told you! I told you we weren't good for nothing pieces of shit!  
Lan Di: Your right! High five!

::Lan Di lifts up his hand::  
::The guards go in for a clap::  
::Lan Di quickly evades::

Lan Di: NOT! Keep driving shitheads.

"Nozomi's House" 

Nozomi: What's wrong Ryo?  
Ryo-san: Somethings wrong. I think I should go home.  
Nozomi: Why?   
Ryo-san: I feel an odd wind blowing throughout my spine. I think something's wrong back at home.

::Nozomi walks behind Ryo and turns off the fan::

Nozomi: The fan?  
Ryo-san: I see. Everything seems to be alright now.

::Nozomi slaps her forhead::  
::Nozomi walks to the window::

Nozomi: Look Ryo. It's snowing for the first time this year and we're together. 

::The storm starts to pick up it's pace::

Nozomi: Wait until the storm quiets down before you go home. For me.   
Ryo-san:(standing straight) I have to go home! I have a bad feeling. When a Hazuki gets a bad feeling, it's forreal. I should- 

::Nozomi unbuttons her shirt::

Ryo-san: Well, ok, I'll wait until the storm dies down::

"Hazuki Residence" 

Guard #1: I can't see shit Lan Di Sama! The snow is too rough.  
Lan Di: Nonesense. Keep driving. We're nowhere near Iwao's. How big can Yomanose possibly be?

::The guard drives into Ryo's front fence and knocks the banner on the ground::  
::The whole car was quiet::

Guard #1: I think we're here.  
Lan Di: About time.

::Lan Di trys to open the car door::

Lan Di:(elbowing the door) Why-won't-this-thing-open?!  
Guard #2: Did you unlock it Master? 

::Lan Di unlocks the door::  
::The guards go for the door::

Lan Di: Hold it! Before we get out of this car Men, we have to make sure that we get the mirror too as much as we want to kill Iwao. Capeesh?!  
Guards: Capeesh?  
Lan Di: UNDERSTAND! Do I have to second guess myself all the time?!  
Guard #1: I understood you Lan Di Sama.  
Lan Di: At least someone does. Now, OPEN SASAMI!

::Lan Di and his men flee out of the car::   
::The wind blows all three of them on their asses::

Lan Di:(trying to stand himself up) Hand me my scarf!!!  
Guard #1:(all the way down the street) LAN DI SAMA!  
Guard #2: It's too cold!   
Lan Di: WE WILL MAKE IT!

::Lan Di walks against the wind, towards the front gate::  
::Guard #2 starts to freeze up::

Lan Di:(making it to the gate) HA! I made it! Let's go men!

::There was silence::

Lan Di: Men?

::Lan Di turns around::   
::His guards were tumbling down the street::

Lan Di: Ugh. Useless!

"Nozomi's House" 

::Ryo and Nozomi sit together near the window, watching as the snow storm dies down::

Ryo-san:(sipping on some of Nozomi's hot chocolate) Mmmm, this is really good. What do you put in this?  
Nozomi: Have you ever seen The Blob?  
Ryo-san: No.  
Nozomi: Nevermind then. 

::Ryo sets his hot chocolate down::

Ryo-san: I better get going now. Things might be a little hectic around the household because of this storm.

::The electricity goes out::   
::Suddenly, many voices are heard in the room::

Ryo-san: Nozomi?! What's those noises?!  
Nozomi:(enjoying herself) Hehehe, I dunno.

::The lights come back on::  
::Several men were in the room, all looking at the other men unfamilarly::

Man #1: What are you doing here?!  
Man #2: I called this house for today!

::All of the men start brawling::  
::Throughout the fighting, Ryo manages the sneak out::

"Hazuki Residence"   
"The Dojo" 

::Fuku is held back by Lan Di's two guards::

Fuku-san:(hitting on Lan Di) Mmmmm, look at that long black hair.  
Lan Di:(trying to concentrate on Iwao) Where is the mirror?  
Iwao:(like a little kid trying to keep his lunch money) I'm not telling!  
Fuku-san: God your beautiful Lan Di. May I take a picture of you. I'm a major in Photography.  
Lan Di: Get rid of that fool!

::Fuku wacks the guards off of him::

Fuku-san: Actually, I can get rid of myself. I'm a really good actor. Do you guys wanna see?!

::The dojo was silent:;

Fuku-san:(laughing at himself) R-Really! Do you guys wanna see me act?!  
Lan Di: Sure! Why not?!   
Fuku-san:(moving back and forth in his place like a little school girl) HEHEHE! Ok ok, this is going to be good! Watch this!

::Fuku takes a deep breath and throws himself out of the Dojo::  
::Ryo sees Fuku fly out and runs up to him::

Ryo-san: Fuku-san! Fuku-san?!  
Fuku-san: R-Ryo-san...

::Fuku fakes passing out::

Lan Di: Not bad.

::Ryo steps into the Dojo::   
::He felt anger inside him that he's never felt, even though he just couldn't get Nozomi naked out of his mind::  
::The guards quickly restrain Ryo after the Dojo doors shut::  
::Lan Di and Iwao get ready to fight::

Ryo-san:(thinking to himself) Am I going to have to step in to help him?

::Iwao gets knocked on the floor::

Ryo-san:(thinking) I knew it!  
Guard #1:(whispering to Ryo) I can hear your thoughts.

::Ryo looks at the guard strangely::  
::Suddenly, he breaks away and charges for Lan Di, ultimately being taken to the ground:: 

Ryo-san:(thinking) Holy fuck that hurt!

::Iwao gives in and tells Lan Di where the mirror is::  
::Lan Di signals his men to find the mirror::

"Outside the Dojo" 

Guard #1: This doesn't make sense.  
Guard #2: Why not? The crippled dude said "under the cherry tree".  
Guard #1: Do you see how big the "bottom of the cherry tree" is?!   
Guard #2: Hmmm, your right.  
Guard: #1: And where are our shovels?!

::The guards look around for a minute::

Guard #2: I got it!  
Guard #1: We take some dynomite and blow the dirt out of the water!  
Guard #2: No no, I was thinking more on the lines of your the dog and I'm the slayer.  
Guard #1: Like we played back in Middle School!  
Guard #2: Exactly.  
Guard #1: Oh boy gee laweee. LETS GO!

"Back inside the Dojo" 

::Lan Di retrieves the Mirror, leaves Iwao for death, and walks out with his guards::\  
::Ryo crawls over to his inparelled Father::

Ryo-san:(holding Iwao close in his arms) Father.   
Iwao: Your friends, keep friends, those you love... close to you...  
Ryo-san: FATHER! Wake up! I didn't get that last thing you said...

::Iwao puts his head up::

Iwao: Keep friends close! Those-you-love-close-to-you.  
Ryo-san: I still don't get it.

::Iwao gets up, rolls out a chalk board, and starts to write in incraments::

Iwao: Keep friends.  
Ryo-san:(sitting down in a chair and crossing his legs) Ok, keep friends. I get that.   
Iwao: Close. And the ones you love, closer! Get it?!  
Ryo-san: Close... loved friends... closer. Yeah! I get it now!  
Iwao: Good! 

::Iwao dies::

Ryo-san: Hmmm... oh yeah, FATHER NOOOOO!!!!!

"Lan Di's Car" 

::Guard #1 was driving fast::  
::Lan Di was slumped over on his back in the backseat::

Guard #2: Lan Di Sama, are you ok?  
Lan Di: I think I'm having a heart attack. I haven't worked out that much in years.  
Guard #1: Well you showed him!  
Lan Di: Thank God for all those nights sitting up watching the Bruce Lee Movies.  
Guard #1: Uhhh Lan Di...  
Lan Di: Yeah?  
Guard #1: We have a bit of a problem.

"The Dojo" 

Fuku-san: There getting away Ryo-san!  
Ryo-san:(lifting up a piece of Lan Di's car) No they aren't.

"Lan Di's Car" 

Guard #1: The brakes are out!  
Guard #2: Quick! Drive into that building! That'll stop us!  
Lan Di: We're not driving into any buildings. Stay sharp. Stay focused. Head to the Harbor as planned. But let's try to hit as many people as we can to make this getaway more dramatic than it already is.  
Guard #1:(gripping the steering wheel) This isn't going to be good.

"The Harbor" 

Guard #1: Uhhh, Lan Di Sama?  
Lan Di: What?  
Guard #1: We're heading towards water.  
Guard #2: Water? The ocean? The Harbor? Harbors ends with water! OH GOD MASTER! WHAT DO WE DO?!  
Lan Di: Water?! Perfect! I'm thirsty as shit.  
Guard #1: No Master, you don't understand, we're going into the water.  
Lan Di: Oh. 

::The black car drives off the edge and into the Harbor waters::  
::Lan Di and his guards swim to the surface::

Lan Di: Head for land men!  
Guard #1: Wait up!  
Guard #2:(struggling) H-Help me Lan Di Sama! I can't swim!  
Lan Di: Tell me one of you got the mirror.  
Guard #2: T-That was his job! 

::Guard #2 points to Guard #1::

Guard #1: No it wasn't! He's lying Master!  
Lan Di: GO GET IT YOU RETARD!  
Guard #1: OoooooOOOooh maaaan...

"Two Days Later"   
"Iwao's Funeral" 

::Ryo, Fuku and Ine-san is dressed in black attire::  
::After the service, has a talk with Fuku-san::

Fuku-san: He was a good man Ryo-san. You should be proud.  
Ryo-san: I should. But I didn't put up enough of a fight at the Dojo.  
Fuku-san: You didn't? Did you see how far I flew? That had to of been a record.

::Ryo sees Ine-san walking off by herself::  
::He runs after her::  
::Fuku waits for Ryo to get ahead a little before he pulls out a secret picture of Lan Di::

Fuku-san:(running his fingers down Lan Di's picture) One day. One day we will meet again. You sexy, Chinese thing you. I always thought I'd meet a good Japanese man, but after you, I think I'm going to start to brodan my horizons looking for you. For ever and ever until I find you...

::Fuku's relatives come up from behind::  
::Fuku turns around::

Relatives: Bad time? 

::Fuku looks down at Lan Di's picture::  
::He looks around Iwao's caskate at all of Lan Di's pictures intitled "Killer!":: 

Fuku-san: Uhhh..

::Fuku-san looks down at the picture::

Fuku-san:... one day I will find you and KILL YOU! I will never forget!

::Fuku rips up Lan Di's picture into shreads and stomps on the remainings on the ground::

Fuku-san: DIE KILLER DIE!

::Everyone at the funeral stares at Fuku:: 

Fuku-san: Hazuki pride. Hehe, ya know? Pride. Yeah yeah. 

::Ryo runs up to Ine-san::

Ryo-san: Ine-san wait! 

::Ine-san turns around with a tissue in her hand::

Ryo-san: Are you alright?  
Ine-san: No. No I'm not Ryo-san.  
Ryo-san: Is there anything I can do.  
Ine-san: Comfort me. Love me. Cherish me.  
Ryo-san: Uhhh...  
Ine-san: L-Like your Father did!   
Ryo-san: Oh, right.  
Ine-san: Thank God you have a lot of his features Ryo-san, maybe one day I can glance on you and see Iwao.   
Ryo-san: Your nothing like my mother but you have been good to me.  
Ine-san: That's good. I may have to pick up prostitution again since Iwao just up most of my free time before.  
Ryo-san: Gotta do what you gotta do. You know, KILL LAN DI! HAHAHHA KILL HIM! 

"Oprah." 

Oprah: Yes welcome back. We're here with a very interesting guest.. umm... your name is sir?   
Ryo-san: Hazuki. Ryo Hazuki.  
Oprah: And I understand you have issues with avenging your Father's death.  
Ryo-san: Very much so. In fact, I'd like to let it all out now!

::Ryo punches Oprah::

Ryo-san: That was for getting fat again!

::Ryo runs up to the camera and lifts Lan Di's picture up so all the viewers could see::

Ryo-san: I'm coming for you! MUAHAHAH! I am! Watch out! Your mine! Father killer! Hazuki killer! Uhhh... bitch boy!  
Oprah: SECURITY!

::Ryo gets tossed out::

THE END!

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End file.
